


Encounters

by lacewing



Series: Dragon Age: Catalyst Children [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Abandonment, Mild Language, Mild references to violence and non-con, Multi, Panic and Anxiety Disorders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:58:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 53,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4185936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacewing/pseuds/lacewing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of encounters among the characters of the Inquisition during the game. With a follow up story to be titled "PIcking Up the Pieces" to follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Encounters part 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can find more of my works on [Tumblr, Dragon Age Encounters](http://dragonagecounters.tumblr.com/) and if you have questions welcome to ask here as well as there.  
> Whenever I can get the small doxie scanner hooked up and working, and manage to get my dying computer to work with me, there will be artwork to go into this series of stories.  
> For those reading my Homestuck. It is not over! I have a book to finish I'm in the process of editing about 4 or 5 chapters. (reworking a couple bits I wasn't happy with) this little sideline decided to hijack my head for a little.  
> But its such a fun little sideline!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly adding artwork. I have found the doxie and made it make nice with my computer.  
> seriously, not the best but hey, what can I do?  
> double edit: for some reason the image went to the wrong chapter, fixing...

She laid on her side, pretending to sleep. At the moment she ignored the presence of the girl who was doing a few little things around the room.

Helen was cold, she was miserable, and she hurt. From head to toe she hurt and still had no idea what was going on, other than the fact that the people out there were very likely to kill her. For something she couldn’t remember even happening!

Helen did not blow up that temple, or kill the people inside. The people that went up to that place saw the monster with her, they all heard the voices, saw the shadows of, something that happened.

Steps neared and she huddled down smaller, for a long moment there was silence and she peeked out one eye very carefully.

The bald guy with the pointed ears was staring back at her. Expression calm and obviously not fooled by her sleeping act.  He sat back on his heels and folded his arms neatly over his knees, hands clasped. Seeing she was looking at him he tilted his head at her.

“It has been three days, you really should get up, you are likely hungry at the very least, and there are people who very much wish to talk to you.” He told her somewhat kindly.

She pulled back, feeling panicked, “you mean kill me. They likely still blame me for what happened.”

He smiled a bit “Ah, I see, it is an understandable fear. No, at the moment no one is likely to kill you. Actually the very opposite, currently many people are quite pleased with what you did up at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.”

“… they are happy with me?” she seemed uneasy and unsure.

“Yes, they are calling you the Herald of Andraste” he responded.

“Herald of... what?” she slowly sat up, letting the blankets fall back and looking at the clothing she was dressed in. Before she had gone up the mountain with a barrowed cloak and boots that were buckled down to fit her feet. She wore the clothing that they had brought her to the camp in. Now, she wore some sort of soft material. Tan, likely leather. It was close fitting, but warmer at least.  As she sat up the bald fellow stood back and got her the shoes to go with the outfit, high close fitted boots of the same material, and woolen stockings.

She got the stockings on, but trying to figure out the ties and buckles of the boots seemed beyond her.

The man watched her struggle silently, “Just how much do you recall, of who you were and what you were doing at the Temple?”

She looked up at him “My name is Helen, I’m 24 years old… I think, and …. I think I had a cat, I, can’t remember much past that.” She reached up touching her face, she could feel scars on one side of her face, giving up for the moment on the boots she stood to walk over to a polished bit of round metal she noticed that seemed reflective.

She stood a bit shorter than baldy pointy ears and had short dark curly hair, it was hard to tell with the metal mirror but her skin was a darker olive. That much she could verify by looking at her own hands at least. One side of her face was covered in a long tattoo, vines, twisting about each other as they covered a rather nasty set of scars down her face. She touched them, remembering something, bad. Her hands started to shake as she could suddenly hear screaming in her head, breaking glass, some sort of loud screeching sound. Voices calling out, but she couldn’t remember it all and she found herself sinking to the floor, just trying to breathe. Panicked breaths making her chest tighten until she could hardly get a single puff of air.

“Calm. Calm.” She found herself focusing on the voice, male, familiar. She’d heard this voice before. Speaking to her softly. A long string of lyrical syllables that she couldn’t understand, but seemed ever so much more calming.

Helen came to herself feeling fingers gently on her face. A faint glow and slowly she could breathe again, she could think, sort of, everything was fuzzy.

“What happened?” he asked her softly “you were looking in the mirror as if you never seen your reflection before and then suddenly you stopped breathing.”  He spoke as if he expected her to react like a frightened animal, and thus kept all his movements slow and purposeful.

She shook her head. “I… can’t remember, it was… something, bad.”

“To do with the temple?”

Another shake of her head “before I think, to do with this.” She touched the side of her face, “I’m sorry” Helen eased back enough to sit on the floor and rest her arms on her knees, and hung her head. She was so tired.

Gentle fingers touched the top her head and she felt more of that odd calm. It sung through her blood, she could hear voices singing. So many voices. Her head was full of hundreds of songs all playing at once, and yet oddly blending together into something whole and harmonious.

But after a moment the music quieted and the voices only went to a mutter. “Here, I’m sorry to rush this, but Cassandra wanted to see you as soon as you awoke. The servant girl came and got me when she figured you were hiding under your covers.”

“Cassandra? The woman who drug me up the mountain? Meeting up with you and the other fellow?” the short guy, with the nice voice. She recalled he had a rather good sense of humor and kept needling Cassandra so that Helen got a few moments to just try and concentrate on keeping up. She wasn’t fast, or strong, and knew next to nothing about fighting.

And there had been so many monsters.

Baldy got her to sit on the edge of the bed and deftly helped her get into her shoes “Your clothing was very odd.” He said conversationally, likely to help her not feel like she was being dressed like a child. She was trying to pay attention to how he buckled the boots, why would there be lacing AND buckles and straps? Too much to remember. “Wonderfully simple, they have been commandeered I’m afraid by the tailor who wishes to figure out the fasteners of your pants.”

“oh” she said a little uneasily. It wasn’t like she was attached to her clothing, she really couldn’t remember what she’d been wearing, just knowing that it wasn’t what she wore now. “So um, who.” She indicated the outfit she wore.

“The Healers.” He assured her, “They got you cleaned up, and dressed. One of the Alchemists though has been commenting about the tattoos on your back. I hear that they are rather extensive and impressive.”

“They are? I don’t remember.” She admitted.

“Perhaps we shall save trying to look at those for another day.” He suggested delicately. Most likely afraid she might have another panic attack.

Helen didn’t blame him.

One hand taking hold of the tall staff he had left by the door he went to the door and opened it, indicating she should come along. Helen stood up and the first thing she got hit with was the biting breeze. It made her shiver and unconsciously hug herself. Mr. Baldy frowned and went to a chest next to the door, opening it he came out with the same heavy cloak she’d worn up the mountain. Helen managed to get it on, and even fasten the clasp with little issue, pulling the furred lined hood up she stepped outside.

To see people lined up, all of them with hands over their hearts, just watching her silently.

It was fucking unnerving.

A kind but firm hand on her back kept her from trying to flee back into the small hut she’d woken up in.

“Let’s go.” And she was gently but inevitably propelled forward into whatever may come whether she liked it or not.


	2. Encounters part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More figuring out how to become a Herald of Andraste, and conversations with Varric.

 

Everyone was still arguing. Helen sat on some boxes outside the war room for the moment and let them figure out what was going to happen. It had been at least a few days since the announcement of the Inquisition being called. Helen still wasn’t sure what her part in all of this was going to be, or what was expected of her really. She just tried to stay out of the way for the most part.

Cassandra wanted to take Helen out to a place called the Hinterlands, but several of the others were against it. For good reasons. While yes, Helen could close rifts, she also was not a fighter, or a mage, or well much of anything really. No one even knew much about her or where she came from. Only the little bit of information they had gleaned from the odd reflection at the temple. Of the looming figure that said to kill her and the older woman Divine Justinia, telling her to run.

She remembered none of it.

The only comfort that Helen took away from that scene was that she had sounded just as confused then as she felt now.

“Been quite a day.” She looked up from the floor and saw the short man, Varric wasn’t it? The nice fellow with the sense of humor. “Going from the most wanted criminal to the savior and joining the Inquisition all in pretty much one day, most people would stretch that out a little bit more. Admittedly, they haven’t been giving you much time to breathe even have they?”

It drew a snort from her and she stood up, tucking her arms under the cloak and pulling it closed in the front. Rocking a bit to stretch her knees and shifting to a lower box, so she could be more at eye level with Varric, “I rather wish I could just go back to bed. I really don’t know what’s going on.”

“You would do better making a break for it.” He told her “You are not really a Hero type, and I’ve written too many tragedies to not see where this is going.” He told her.

“Well, since I have no idea where I am or where I could go, I’m open to suggestions.” She said knowing she likely sounded a little bitter and hating herself for it. But she was confused, and grumpy. “It’s just, all fucking bullshit!” she finally got out “I don’t even know anyone here, I can barely remember my own name and…” she held her hands out helplessly.

“And everyone has already pegged you to the wall with all their hopes and dreams.” He told her and sighed, “shit, you are in a pickle.”

She rolled her eyes and he chuckled “Here, how about we start by ending the circular argument going on in there and perhaps if we can get you away from this place a little, it might help clear your head.”

“They are talking about wars and fighting, what good will I be out there? I don’t know anything about weapons.” She told him.

“Well, we’ll figure it out, and if anything, you can clear rifts, if you hang to the back we can take care of most other things. You won’t be alone out there.” He promised her and with a nod of his head towards the doors she sighed and getting back up she walked up to them. Resting her hands on the doors she looked back at the smaller man who gave her an encouraging nod.

Bracing herself she gave a push to the door and walked in.

“hey”  she started, it came out too weak, Helen cleared her throat and half shouted “SHUT IT!” sudden silence as everyone turned to look at her with mixed expressions of curiosity, disapproval, and confusion.

Helen looked right at Cassandra and spoke to her first. “You said we should talk to this  ... Mother, person?”

“Mother Giselle? Yes” Cassandra said.

“Well, if she wants to talk to me, then let’s go talk to her. I am not a fighter, or... well whatever else there is. I know this, but I can close rifts and for whatever reason people want to talk to me. So, if nothing else.“ she paused, feeling a little wonder as she realized there was something she could do “I can at least talk to these people and do what I can to help. If, you all will help with everything else, I promise, I will do whatever I can to help fix that hole and find out what happened to your Divine.”

While the blond man looked a little discomfited still with the idea of a civilian going out into a war zone, the others seemed pleased with the fact that Helen decided to step up and do this herself.

“For the moment, with the lack of man power, Solas, Varric and I will go and accompany the Herald. Among the three of us we should be able to keep her safe and in one piece.” Cassandra was saying.

“I’ll get my scouts in there and help clear the Crossroads, we can build at least one safe place for refugees we can start working our way out. And if people look to the Herald to save them from the Breach in the sky, then perhaps we can spread the Inquisition as a force of order while everyone else is in complete disarray.” The redhead, Liliana, Helen remembered her name, said. She seemed to be a spymaster.

The Blond man sighed “I’ll also organize the troops, at the moment our rabble is hardly in shape enough to be of much use, but we’ll do what we can.” He said. Cull-something, Cullen? That sounded right.

“I’ll dig into the contacts and favors I can find, see if I can get us as many supplies as I can. We won’t be able to move much farther forward without supplies for the refugees and for our troops. Let alone, if we want to do something about the Breach, we will be needing support. The Chanty, Templars or Mages. Mother Giselle says she may be able to help get us an audience with the Mothers, if we can get Chantry support, it will be a start.” Helen paused on the last woman’s name and then got it, Josephine.

The girl was left feeling a little stunned as it seemed her just making up her mind to do something ended the argument stalemate between the four people in the room and they all went off to actually get some work and headway going.

Cassandra looked at her and gave a small pleased smile “We’ll head out for the Hinterlands as soon as you are ready. Since Varric decided to invite himself into a closed meeting, I will not have to inform him.” She glared at the smaller man who just smirked at her. “I will go inform the Mage.”

“I’m sure Solas will be quite pleased to get out of that hut for a little while.” Varric said and watched Cassandra go, he turned back and looked at the girl staring down at the map, the little markers placed and the little boxes of various markers to the side. She had picked up one and was looking at it, looking at the place it had occupied. “None of this makes sense, I, don’t know any of these places.”

He came over and pointed out some other areas, naming off countries and provinces. She could only shake her head. Nothing was familiar. “What happened up there? Why can’t I remember anything? Why do I have this mark? And why is everyone insisting on calling me Herald? I’m nothing, no one, I’m just Helen.”

“Well, Just Helen, to these people you have become a sign that maybe, we’re not quite so fucked over yet. That perhaps, there might be a chance.” He said to her. Resting a hand on the middle of her back.

“Wasn’t it you outside this room telling me to run for it?” she responded.

“Hey, I just tell it like it is. Come on, Cassandra will be wanting to get going, likely hours ago.”


	3. Encounters part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinterlands fun. What can a herald do who is not the normal rogue, mage, or warrior?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a fast note if you haven't figured it out, this series while I will do my best to write in order, only covers highlights and a few details of some major scenes. So its often in between things going on, after things have happened, or before big events.

 

Helen sat by the bed of a woman, she had pointed ears, by this point she knew that people who were very slim build and with pointed ears were called elves, short people like Varric were dwarves. She and Cassandra were human. Someone mentioned about a people called Qun or, Qunari, it was confusing frankly. She had no clue about them except that apparently they had horns.

“Does it help?” Helen asked softly, the woman sat back a little, taking a shaky breath. She nodded “A little. But I still need my son’s potion.”

Helen reached out and patted the woman’s hand that rested on a bowl, a cover over her head helped her lean over and keep the steam from the warm herb filled bowl from escaping too much “I will be heading out very soon, but I hope this will buy you time until we get back.” The woman gave her a small smile.

“Thank you, it’s rare that someone would show such concern for an elf.”

Helen felt her brow furrow, she didn’t like that “You are people too and right now, we’re all in a very bad situation. It’s no one’s fault and I want to help make it right.”

The woman said something, lyrical, reached out to gently touch Helen’s face and then laid down on her side, just focusing on being able to breathe, at least for a short time.

“If she has more trouble, keep heated water on hand, mix with crushed mint and repeat as necessary, we’ll hurry back with the potion as soon as we may.” Helen told the woman’s husband, who took her hands.

“Thank you, please, hurry.” He begged her. Practically shaking with worry.

“We will.” She promised him.

Outside the hut Cassandra was staring at her. Her expression unreadable, though both Solas and Varric seemed to approve of the young woman’s antics so far.

“We need to reach the horse master, if we want to secure horses for the Inquisition.”

“Well, horses won’t do us much good if people don’t trust us and besides, this will hopefully be on the way.” Helen responded. “I can’t fight, but, these are things I can do Cassandra. If we are out there already, marking stashes of supplies, finding herbs and meat for people who need it, it will get people to trust us, and help us get people who will help us in return. Recruits, supplies if we can get these farmers back onto their fields, and that woman in there will die if we can’t help her breathe soon. I-“ she paused feeling a little dizzy and caught herself on a post “remembered something, someone else I knew a long time ago, who couldn’t breathe…” she trailed off and shook herself out of the thoughts as she felt her hands start to shake, she pulled them back under her cloak and tucked her arms tightly against herself in a half hug to still it, and tried not to think too hard. The Panic slowly ebbed away.

Cassandra didn’t seem to notice how close to panic the girl was, but sighed “You are right Herald, the more we can clear, the more influence we can win for the Inquisition, it will help us in the long run.” She agreed. “Some of these things we can send Liliana’s scouts out for, they can get to some of these things faster than we can, like finding those supply stashes and hunting for meat.”

Helen nodded “Seems we are going to have our hands full, with all these mages and templars fighting.” She wasn’t sure why they were fighting, something about a rebellion going on. Solas and Varric both promised to help fill her in later about it.

So for the moment, she decided to focus on things she could do. Finding food, herbs, blankets. To get to the horse master and perhaps the few forces they had could be able to handle the bigger issues, like the various idiots fighting all over the hinterlands.

It wasn’t all that long later that Helen had pressed herself into a crevice as far as she could and was hoping the armored man wouldn’t think to just turn the huge hammer he swung around and shove the end in where she was.

She was wondering why she thought this would be easy. How silly of her!

She screamed as arrows struck all around her and the armored man slowly sank down, leaving her heart racing and staring wide eyed at Varric who was reloading his crossbow, Bianca. “get out of there, get behind Solas!” he shouted at her and she rushed to comply. Getting herself behind the elven mage who slammed his staff down and she felt as if a gentle wind coated her skin, protecting her as a rain of arrows fell around them from the attacking crazy idiots in tin cans fired at them.

Solas pulled a small bottle out of his pouch and tried to pop the cork to drink it down; he wasn’t looking well, pale and exhausted. Fingers fumbled the cork and he dropped the bottle. It didn’t break on impact, so Helen quickly picked it up, got the cork off and handed it back to him. He gave her a look of gratitude and drank it down. Some of the color came back to his face and with a shout he sent a blast of fire towards the men coming their way.  Knocking at least two on their backs to roast in their armor and another went running off the side of the hill trying to reach water.

“well, it must have been some times since these fellows faced any mage of any real ability” he said with a bit of a smirk.

Helen snorted. She had to rather agree, these men they faced supposedly were able to handle mages, yet Solas had been mowing them down like so many weeds in a garden.

Cassandra and Varric took care of the few remaining men and they all took a moment to catch their breath. Helen put up one of the markers for the tower that the fellow down at the ranch wanted up. “Last one.” She said as she flopped onto the ground, rather glad to be done with this, “We can send word up and get someone out here to put up those towers and maybe then they will give us horses!”

What had started as a couple simple pickups and hopefully just finding one man had them going from one end of the valley to the other. Closing rifts, setting up watch towers, even taking out a conclave of renegade mages!

Helen was doing her best to try and not be a burden. She tended to get the potions to people, tried to stay out of the way of the major fighting and carried most of the markers and other items they needed for some of the things they were doing.

But Varric seemed to claim she was more than worth dragging all over just for the simple facts that one, she could close the rifts, and two, she was the best camp cook he’d ever ran into.

It was small praise, but at least it was something.

Since while she could close the rifts, she was shit with the demons themselves. Big scary things that screamed in often angry or agonized voices.

She rather felt a bit sorry for them.

“We have done good work here this week, if we head back to Haven we can rest up and after a few days organizing our forces, we can return after the scouts have found the remaining rifts.”

“Indeed, I am still quite curious about a few of these odd artifacts we have been finding.” Solas responded “We should continue looking for them, and perhaps see if anything can be made of them.”

Cassandra nodded “Shall we head back then?”

“Might as well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I could use a bath.” Varric said from the back of the lines as he took off the helmet he had been wearing. Using it to fan himself. Helen grinned at him, but she was just too tired to talk.

“Yes, very much so.” Solas agreed with over blandness.

“You ain’t exactly roses yourself elf.” Varric shot back good naturedly.

Cassandra sighed “Let’s go, before I lose patients and kill all of you.”


	4. Encounters part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen suffered from bad dreams and panic. She seeks a quiet place to not be the Herald for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First references to anxiety and panic. This is a bit more of an anxiety attack than a full blown panic. Gotta admit, after a short time Haven does start to get more than a little crowded...

Helen was hiding. Staying in her room was out of the question, the advisors could find her there too easily. She had been hanging out near the warmer fire by Varric, but while that gave her a good view of the front gates, and likely a chance to run if Cassandra came looking for her, it was still too easy to find her.

She was shaking, from head to toe. Strange dreams that made no sense, memories of screams and breaking glass, a sudden flash of heat then cold. She was so cold.

When Solas came out of his hut he found the young Herald seated on the cold ground with nothing but her cloak tossed down to sit on. She had a mage’s hood attached to her shoulders, and that pulled over her face. He raised a brow and was about to say something likely sarcastic when he seemed to pause and instead went back inside before coming out with a large furred blanket. Which he tossed over her shoulders, half draping over her head as well.

Helen felt herself relaxing minutely, but not enough. Panic hunted her, at the back of her mind, shaking and terrible.

He said nothing for a moment before sitting down next to her. So that her hiding place would not be immediately given away. “I take it that you are feeling a little cramped around camp, Herald?”

“Helen.” She corrected, “Please, give me at least one person who will call me by my name.” she tried not to snap, but the words came out too fast, the shaking entered into her tone she knew, she could hear it herself.

There was a long pause before a gentle “As you wish, Helen” was his response.

She felt herself relaxing more and looked out from the shelter of her impromptu blanket fort.  “Could you tell me about the fade? Spirits you’ve met? Things you’ve seen?” she desperately needed something to focus on, something not the confused nightmares. Her daily confusion as everything didn’t seem quite right. The cravings for food she couldn’t explain, how everything wasn’t sauced right, and she disliked beer.

Nothing was right and in moments like this, she wanted something, anything, which could be considered familiar. Which meant if she couldn’t find it, she would have to make it.

Listening to good story tellers like Varric and Solas was if not fully familiar, was at least calming. Both of them had a way about them. A quietness that promised stillness underneath. There were passions there, and emotions of course, Varric had a lot more patients with people than Solas did for instance. The Elf would not put up with stupidity. Ignorance he would try to fix, stupidity he would either ignore the person, or mercilessly argue with or make fun of them until they go away.

Another pause and then a gentle “Very well Helen, but first, you tell me what set you off?” he could almost feel her wince.

“Bad dreams” she said softly “And Cullen sent me a report to read.”

“Was it particularly terrible?” he asked her. “I don’t know of anything recent that could get this sort of reaction.”

“I don’t know, I can’t read it.”

“If you are illiterate, I’m sure if you just told them...”

“I AM NOT ILLITERATE!” she didn’t quite scream it, but she did raise her voice and saw him wince, which made her pull back tightly into herself. “I’m sorry” her voice was so tiny, she felt like crying and her limbs shook. Pulling herself tightly in she could only close her eyes and rest her forehead against her knees. “I can read, I… just can’t read his report. I, don’t know the letters.”

“Well, what language do you read? Perhaps I can at least help with that.” He asked her, keeping his voice very gentle.

After a moment she reached out, smoothing a bit of ground and with fingers that shook horribly she wrote out the alphabet that looked _right_ to her.  Letters, and numbers too.

“I do not recognize these runes” he responded. “What language is this?”

“I don’t know, it’s just the one that I know.  I can’t remember anything else about it.” Helen pulled back again into herself “I just feel so stupid and the shaking won’t stop!” she complained, “I can’t get the sounds of breaking glass out of my head, and the dreams… fire and ice and people screaming. Crunching sounds of metal and glass.” she didn’t realize that as she spoke her words were trailing into a panicked state until she felt an arm pull her closer and a hand reach in, slim cool fingers gently prying away her fingers from creating gashes in her own arm. Gently holding her hand and shushing her.

“Do not push yourself Helen” he said softly “It is alright, you are safe here.”

With a tiny, and rather embarrassing hiccup she managed to wipe her face with one hand, likely smearing the makeup she had done that morning. Simple stuff with a few things she’d gotten from Josephine, decorating her face until it felt more familiar to her.

Well, other than she managed to scare the poor serving girl who had come into her room with clean garments and Cullen’s report to see a skull looking back at her.  Darkening around her eyes, a few delicate lines of color here and there, a couple symbols drawn and colored in, lines over her lips, giving the impression of teeth.

What this meant, why did she want it? She didn’t know, but it was like a mask, it felt right somehow and made it easier to breathe.  It was simple to start with, perhaps later when she figured out the colors that were available and could get a good whitener…

Solas had gone from gently shushing her to just speaking. About his travels, the beings he’d met the things he’d seen.  As promised, after she had told him what was wrong he was filling her with stories. Shoving out all the confusion with things that were just too wondrous for her to be able to think about anything else.

She was half asleep when she felt him shift, falling silent and seemed his attention was drawn elsewhere.

“Oh there she is! Cassandra is just about ready to stick a sword into someone if we didn’t find the Herald soon. She wants to get ready to head out again. Seems Cullen compiled his and Liliana’s reports and sent them to the herald already this morning.”

“Yes, I have it here.” Solas had released her hand and was talking to Varric, Helen just stayed still, letting herself float in that feeling of vague freedom.

“Oh? So she read it.”

“Apparently, no one asked her if she could.” He responded back drolly.

There was a long pause “Well, that’s going to be embarrassing for a few people.”

“Seems to add to the mystery of her, she can read and write, only it is no language I am familiar with.” Helen could hear footsteps and Varric’s voice was closer, apparently looking down at something, likely the alphabet she’d written in the dirt.

“Huh, that is something. Just how far out has she come from?” varric didn’t seem to be talking to anyone in particular, as Solas did not reply.

“She needed a few moments of quiet.” He did say after a bit, so likely Varric was giving one of those pointed looks of his about the fur pile that was the Herald.

A snort followed “So she came here? One wonders just how quiet things are with you prattling on about things a thousand years dead.”

Solas’s voice was incredibly prissy when he replied back “She does not seem to mind. As it is a bit cold to be taking naps out here, I will rouse her, you can go tell the others that their precious herald will be out to meet with them shortly.”

There was a laugh and Helen could almost feel Solas’ irritated growl. “I swear, if he puts anything like this in one of his books, I will set it on fire.”

She shifted, feeling a little irritated, mostly because she was groggy and tired and really did want a nap. But seemed, she had work to do, whether she liked it or not.

“Helen, I do apologize.” He started.

She sighed “I heard, I’ll go, I just really wish right now that someone better had gotten this mark, instead of me.”

He was quiet, no rebuttals or refutes. He just offered her a cloth she was able to use to clean her face with and make herself look a little more presentable. Well at least tried to.

When she pulled back the blanket and hood he gave a snorted “I think we will need a bit more than a dry rag to fix this mess. Just what were you wearing? I can pick out some of the design.” He got up and took the cloth to wet it from the basin in the hut he used, coming back he knelt and scrubbed her face for her. Cleaning up what he could and fixing the remaining so it looked a little less scary.

“I, don’t know, it just felt right. Like, I was paying respect to someone, but I can’t seem to find the connection other than it felt like something I’ve done often.”

“If you want, perhaps while you sleep I may try and see if I can find whatever is blocking those memories?” he offered.

“If it won’t interfere with what everyone expects of me?”

“It should not, if it does start effecting your waking moments, I’ll stop and we’ll only try on nights we know you will not be doing anything for awhile. If we can locate what is causing this blockage, it may help you both deal with your situation better and perhaps ease the panic you are feeling.”

She just gave him a grateful pleading look which made him pause then smiled. Holding out his hand he offered to help her too her feet and she accepted. As her toes felt rather numb. She handed back the blanket that he half folded and took back to the hut while she stepped in place, trying to get feeling back in her toes. Helen tossed the cloak back around her shoulders and sighed “Did you read what was in that report?” she asked him.

Solas picked it up where he’d left it on the low wall and looked it over, “It has a couple rifts marked out and seems that we have a dragon nesting to the north. No one can get into Redcliff yet. We will have to figure out what to do there. Cullen’s forces have finished routing the renegade mages and templar, the towers are almost finished and we should be able to get the horse master to give us the animals we need. Also there is a short note from our Ambassador that we have the chance for the meeting with the Mothers. She wishes to discuss this at the war table.”

She pulled up her hood and sighed “Sounds like we are likely going to go from one place to another doesn’t it?”

“So it seems. I will ask the alchemist to prepare some extra potions.” He said handing back the report to the girl who tucked it into her belt.

“Yeah, I should talk to him about helping to make some myself, maybe it can, be something to do when they don’t need me to be the Herald of Andraste.”

He gave her a smile that seemed to be pleased that she was trying to find something to do with herself and she started down the stair heading towards the Chapel and warroom.

“Helen” Solas’s voice made her pause and turn back, “You are not doing badly at this, truly. Its new ground for all of us, but what you lack in fighting ability, you make up for in your ability to empathize with others.”

She paused, and then gave him a smile. Such compliments were a rare thing from the elf. She’d seen him tear into anyone who was a fool, he didn’t seem to tolerate much. “Thank you,”

“If you need a quiet place, you will always be welcome.” He responded.

She nodded and went off, her shoulders a little straighter this time.

And the elven mage just watched where she disappeared, apparently lost in his own thoughts.


	5. Encounters part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up the rest up the inner circle and getting the hang of this herald thing. Sort of.

Helen couldn’t sleep. Too much happened too close together. Plus, she was so exhausted that she was now fully awake.

Which was not helping matters.

The meet up with the chantry went about as well as expected, as in, it went rather poorly. After which she ended up picking up two new allies just from Val Royeaux. One was a young lady named Sera who sent them on a wild goose chase, then shot some idiot in the face. Pretty much before they could even really figure out what he was doing there, other than apparently thought that he must have been important enough for the Inquisition to come get him personally.

And, too many breaches.

Way too many breaches.

Too many hairy legs that should have been in those garments as well.

Then Helen got her first encounter with Orlesian functions. With a mage named Vivienne. Who invited her to a party she was throwing, and then calmly nearly killed one of her guests for insulting Helen’s place there.

Helen really didn’t like that the woman left the man’s life in her hands. It felt too much like she was being tested and she really didn’t care for that.

Plus the woman was snooty. Really really snooty.

But she was a reputedly very good mage, and she wanted to help.

She also knew the court and offered to help Helen steer through it without getting herself caught up on the rather ridiculous ‘game’ the locals seemed to make of the whole thing.

If Helen was going to be the face, she was going to have to learn how to do this stuff, whether she liked it or not.

At least she had better make up, stuff less likely to come off easily in the field or under a long night in a court function. Helen felt better, more comfortable, with the skull painted on her face. The bits of bright color. It worked in a way much like the masks that seemed to be so popular among the nobles. Varric had a few colorful comments, mostly offered a couple suggestions for designs. The only other comment she was given that her style of painting was almost like the paints that the people called the Qunari wore.

She didn’t know about that, she just knew that this had meaning for her, and doing it helped her stay calm, it was like hiding.

She kept the makeup predominately simple for now, though she collected a few new colors to be able to do a proper one later if the opportunity presented itself. Perhaps another of Vivienne’s parties?

Her next couple allies came from unexpected sources, and of course had her still traveling from one end of the country to another. One was a favor to Liliana, checking out reports of a single Grey Warden. She found a man named Blackwall, but he had no information about what was going on with the other Grey Wardens. He did offer to come and help them.

He seemed nice, and in a way as lost as she was.

The other, well she ended up meeting and then traveling with a young mercenary named Krem.

And that led her into meeting one of these fabled Qunaries.

He was big. Really really REALLY big. The Iron Bull was definitely a very big guy, and decided he was making himself her personal body guard.

Whether she liked it or not. Admittedly, after watching him fight, she really didn’t mind. He made a very large and willing shield. With horns. Very large horns.  He was much like the bull he named himself, but the horns reminded her more of a dragon. Wild, fierce, and screaming murder on the field.

He seemed to like her face paints at least.

After all of this she was finally back to Haven. Helen was tired, sore, and feeling a bit too swept up into the crazy situation going on. No sooner than she thought she found her spot and would just quietly smile and do a job, closing rifts, perhaps meeting with a few people now and then, but new people all came and they were adding to her burden, with their expectations and desires. Their hopes.

So many people were putting their hopes and fears on her shoulders and she didn’t know if she could hold it all. What if she failed?

What if she couldn’t close the breach?

Last she left the counselors, they were still arguing over whether they should go to the mages or the templars for the needed back up with the breach.

She rubbed her face and stood up. Going to the basin to wash her neck. The water was cold, and wasn’t helping with getting her able to go to sleep, but it removed that little film of sweat over her neck that was bothering her.

Using a towel to dry off she stared into the polished metal mirror. Not really seeing the person standing there, but hearing voices, sounds, music. For a moment she was somewhere else.

A gentle knock at her door made her snap out of her fugue and she went to the door. Outside was Solas. He tilted his head “I had a feeling you were still awake when I could not find your sleeping mind.”

“Still can’t get through?”

He sighed “I was going to give it another attempt tonight, but between both the holes  in your mind and the walls in my way. I cannot seem to find any way through.” He sounded apologetic. The entire time they traveled, anytime they stopped for the night Solas tried to get into her head.

But found himself blocked. The only things he could find where recent. After the events at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

“I wanted to try something a little different, to see if we might be able to find something out something more, if you are there yourself.” He told her.

“There myself?” she was confused, still half groggy from lack of sleep and not sure what he was talking about.

“Will you trust me?” Solas tilted his head, hands held behind his back. Everything about him saying he would not blame her if she chose to reject his offer.

“If we are able to figure out what’s wrong in my head, I don’t mind.” She told him.

He smiled slightly “then come with me.”

Was it morning already? Helen thought it was still night? She must really be more exhausted than she expected. “Seems this place hold special meaning to you. It is interesting.” Solas’s voice made her look up from her feet.  He’d paused at the top of the stair heading to the chapel and looking back at her.

“Huh? Didn’t we, talk about this already?” she asked as she followed him up the stairs. Everything was so fuzzy. She didn’t see Verric by the fire, perhaps he had a long night? She did recall the last time she found him passed out snoring at the tavern. Sera had drawn faces on him with one of Helen’s eye coal pens. A late night of Wicked Graces with Blackwall and Iron Bull apparently.

Solas just turned slightly back towards the chapel and smiled at her as they kept walking. They were below the chantry, the dungeons she had been avoiding.

“I remember sitting next to you here.” He said “trying to get you to wake up, doing everything I could, and knowing Cassandra was losing faith in me. She would most likely ordered me killed if I did not have results soon.”

“Sounds like her.” She said still trying to figure out why everything felt so, fuzzy. “But, this is not my memories?”

“This is the wall I keep hitting.” He said as they stood before the chantry chapel and stared up at the mountain with the rift above.

She blinked and looked around, “This… “

“Is the Fade.” He agreed, it was strange hearing him so cheerful, but suddenly the odd sort of jumping around made sense. They were walking her dreams, and thus, this part of the fade was likely her mind.

“Huh, interesting” she said looking around, but why did she still feel so tired? If she was sleeping, wouldn’t she be more rested? “But what is stopping us from moving further?”

“That is the thing. I do not know. I can see clearly all that happened, from the dungeon, to meeting you at the rift up the mountain when you awoken.” And for a moment she could feel his hand on her’s again, holding it up to the tear in the air, feeling something, happen, and suddenly everything for a moment seeming to mend itself around her, pulling from her to do so. It both hurt and felt right. But she didn’t remember anything feeling right that time. It had just hurt. She’d been scared and ready to pass out when the mage suddenly snagged her.

She held her marked hand against her chest and stared at him as he spoke. Speaking about everything during that time and wondering if perhaps it is something there that was preventing her from going back. “if we close the Breach, perhaps, then we may be able to find the path around this wall on your mind.” He commented.  

“It seems everything comes back to that moment.” She said stepping past him and staring up at the sky. Here she could hear the rifts and breach so much more clearly, such sad music.

He stood beside her and was silent for a long moment, just watching with her “You surprise me Helen.” He said after a moment.

“How so?”

“With everything that has happened, you fight. Despite not being any sort of mage or warrior. You show remarkable wisdom for someone your age. As well as a sense of empathy I have not met outside rare spirits of comfort.”

She gave him a bit of a lopsided smile. “I just, want to help. I, feel so helpless most of the time, but I know there are other people who are actually helpless. I have people like you to help me. Who do they have? Certainly not a sarcastic elven mage who tells good stories.” she told him.

Helen looked at him and saw him staring at her. It was odd, the smile he wore here felt, more real, than the one she saw in the waking world. He leaned close and kissed her forehead. “Perhaps we should review things later, after you,” his voice dropped to a strange whisper, one that held power in it. “Wake up”

Helen sat up in her bed, she could hear someone cursing outside her door, someone must have dropped something. She slowly turned and stood up. She felt, mostly rested. Not fully. There was a brief knock and a small girl, her hair pulled forward over her face, trying to hide the birthmark that went across her cheek like a starburst. She gave a little bow and pointed towards the direction of the Chapel.

“They need me at the warroom?” she guessed. Since the last time she scared the shit out of her last servant, she usually ended up with the Girl, who looked possibly near, if not younger, than her current age. The girl was mute, and couldn’t read or write, unlike Helen who just couldn’t read or write the local languages.  So Helen had no clue what her name was, no one else seemed to either. Most just called her Girl. She’d also heard them call her another name, but the impression was that it hurt the girl’s feelings, so Helen made sure to never call her that.

Seemed she was among the refugees that had recently come to Haven, and she wanted to help. No real skills, a street urchin from somewhere. But she did lots of odd jobs and kept her head down. Being mute also meant that she was someone Helen’s advisors didn’t mind bringing in tea while they were discussing strategies.

But the pair of them managed to understand eachother. And Helen didn’t treat the girl badly, as she’d seen some do. The girl had a birthmark that stretched on her face and neck. Not a plague.

In many ways, this was the sort of people she meant when she’d been talking to Solas. People who had no one. They didn’t have a gruff warrior who pushed them to do more. Or a dwarven writer who told good stories and taught them card games.

They didn’t have an Elven Mage who nearly killed himself trying to help them. Who put himself into real danger to solve a mystery.

Helen got dressed for the day and cursed her boot laces, much to the Girl’s amusement. Who then came and silently helped her tie them. All praise the great Herald of Andraste. Closer of Rifts, and not able to buckle her own boot straps.

But who was going to have to figure out and quickly, which group they were going to go see. Either taking the invitation to meet with the mages in Redcliff, or going out to see the Lord Seeker and the Templars and find out what bug crawled up their asses.


	6. Encounters part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of redcliff and making friends with the grumpy mage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda interesting, I wasn't going to post this one on my fiction accounts, I wasn't sure about it. But seems my friends all liked it. Alot. So here it is. (yeah, a few chapters in and I put up this note. LOL just me rambling.)   
> Also, yeah, Helen does panic alot. Not knowing where she came from, what happened, and haunted by bad dreams, it's a recipe for a mess. Toss in a nice dollop of PTSD on top of this and it's a wonder Corypheus hasn't won already. 
> 
> As a note, while I have been going through and doing edits and shit, I really don't put a huge ton of work into any of my fanfics. If someone wishes to do a bit of editing for me, I would be grateful, and suggestions are always welcomed (may make for future changes to things, not necessarily current)

Helen sat up with a start and covered her mouth to keep from screaming. Shaking, body drenched in sweat. She half clawed her way out of the bed and was down the hall before she could fully think. Her mind lost in the dream, red lyrium everywhere. All she could do was keep her place, let Dorian complete the spell.

To go back into the moment they had left. To stop the events that had happened.

For the moment though, she was back in that place. Trying to escape as the rifts opened everywhere, all the people infected or dying of lyrium poisoning. The demons. So many demons, many because of the poisoning causing the dead to be trapped on the wrong side of the Veil. Unable to go anywhere but staying with all their pain, twisting them into horrible monsters as they struck out against everyone still living for what was done to them.

Before she could hit the stairs at her speed she ran into a form who rocked back and quickly righted himself before holding her tightly and keeping her for taking a headlong dive down the stair of the Redcliff tavern.

“Helen? What’s wrong?”

“Solas?” she looked up, relaxing slightly “you aren’t infected.” She breathed in relief.

“Wh-“ he started and after a moment of confusion his face cleared as he realized what was happening “ Everything is fine Helen. You are no longer sleeping. This is the waking world and not whatever you saw.” he said holding her closer and feeling her shaking like a leaf on the wind.

“I watched you all die, I watched you die…” she whispered. She was trying not to cry, trying very hard not to cry. A world without her mark in it to close the rifts, and she had no clue if even coming back was going to do anything to change that future, or if it was set in stone.

But seeing Solas’ face, glowing from the poisoning and still looking at her with such naked hope when he realized she lived.

It hurt, it all hurt and she couldn’t stop the pain.

Solas gently took her down to the tap room, he had been doing some researched, unable to sleep himself when he heard the sudden sound of feet running down the hallway.

At least everyone else was asleep enough that she had not woken them. He got the girl seated and went and snagged a bottle of drink from behind the counter. With all she’d just been through, he figured a good drink was good for the both of them.

Helen quietly thanked him when he poured a cup and placed it before her. Taking a drink she coughed a bit as it burned. She wasn’t much use to stronger drink. She was barely getting use to ale and small beers.

He didn’t refill the cup, instead he filled his own tipping it back taking a long draw of it before making a rather sour face “Never much cared for strong drink. It fuzzes the senses and makes one prone to acting upon baser instincts as an excuse.”

She snorted, but sipped her own drink, the heat was at least calming the sick feeling in her stomach.

“So, what do we do now?” she asked softly, “we know a possible future, but nothing past that.”

“On the contrary, you have managed to gather us a lot of rather valuable information.” He responded, “Between what we were able to pick from yous and that Trevinter Mage’s stories. We know one name of our Enemy and his goals. We know he will attempt to kill the Empress, he has put himself in league with extremists and we know, he is likely to come for you. At least twice now, you have stood in the way of what he wants. Once in the Temple of Sacred Ashes and again here this day in Redcliff.”

She was quiet for a long while, thinking over what he said. “A name, and a goal, it is something. Hopefully the word will get to Liliana and she’ll have word of all his plans and where he is located by the time we get back.”

He smiled at her.

She looked up at him and felt her stomach knot again, for a moment seeing him as he was in those final moments, when he looked back at her before leaving with the others to hold off the attacker, long enough for them to finish. Long enough for her to see his body nailed to the door as it was flung open, long enough to watch Liliana’s arrows fail her.

He wore a smile both like and unlike that one now. The other had been more pained, and filled with such hope. He was going to his death, he was already dying.

She slammed down her nearly empty cup splashing a little drink onto the table top. Startling Solas greatly. Helen stood for a moment, so she could lean over the table as close as she could get to him without crawling over the table itself “I forbid you to die!” she told him with fierce seriousness.

The expression he wore was comical as he suddenly started laughing. “Oh yes, my Lady Herald.” He teased her back.

“I’m being serious!” she told him sitting back down and finishing what little remained in her cup in a single gulp.

He just kept laughing at her, “you weird silly da’len.” He managed after a few more moments, he reached over and with a liquid phrase that wasn’t in a language she understood he touched her head.

She suddenly felt really sleepy.

“Ass….” She managed before her head sagged down and fell into the folds of her arms, a slight buzz of sleep coming from her. He was getting way too good as ambushing her with that sleep spell.

He just sipped his cup and watched her.


	7. Encounters part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herald's don't sulk. Really.   
> More aftermath of Redcliff.   
> And making friends with grumpy warrior lady.

She was not sulking. Frankly, she was, but Helen was pretending she wasn’t just so she could feel a little better about herself at the moment.

Helen had made the best decisions she could at the time. She hadn’t really had anyone to ask when she was making that deal with the mages.

Helen just knew that she was told to get an alliance, so, she got an alliance. It seemed to please the mages greatly, but nearly everyone else seemed to be angry with her over it. What was she to do? They just barely escaped being turned into slaves!  Did they expect her to just finish imprisoning them and expect them to be happy with it?

“There you are.” She glanced up and saw Cassandra. So Helen just made herself smaller into her cloak. Cassandra stopped and stared down at her, after a very long moment she sighed heavily “I apologize for yelling at you earlier. You did your best and did what you had been told to do. You won us an alliance with the mages, and it was a hard won alliance at that.” Cassandra leaned against the wall next to the girl. She looked down at Helen, who seemed to at least be relaxing now that it seemed the warrior wasn’t going to start yelling at her again.

Cassandra rubbed the bridge of her nose and looked towards the sky. That sick rip in it. Helen couldn’t really read her face to tell what she was thinking. But after a few moments of silence the seeker looked back at her, “I forget that you are still rather young. And your circumstances mean you just don’t know how people feel about certain things. Don’t get me wrong, I am pleased with your work so far. You have managed amazing things, you got the alliance with the mages, you won us over more of the remaining Chantry.”

Helen blinked “I have?” last time she spoke with any of the Mothers who was not Giselle, they made it clear that they pretty much hated her guts and viewed her as a horrible heretic who should be condemned and likely burned or something.

Cassandra nodded. “You have. Plus the new people and the forces they bring with them, well… Some of them anyway.” She clarified, “but just watching you around camp, you have managed to do so much in giving these people hope, giving me hope” she finished.

Helen drew her knees close to herself, she rather hated when people started talking like that, it made her feel like such a hypocrite. She wasn’t some holy person given flesh. She was plane, boring. And with no real memories to even know what was going on.

Hell she was lucky she could at least speak the language it seemed. She didn’t read it.

“I just wanted you to know that, you are appreciated, your work is appreciated.”

“Thanks, but, I really am not special. Really.”

Cassandra smiled “You are more than you realize. But now we have the mages, whenever you think you are ready, we can make a try for the Breach. I… just wanted you to know that we are all thinking of you and praying for your success.”

Helen looked up at the woman, she offered a bit of a smile “Thanks.”

Cassandra looked embarrassed, “Well we do not know what the breach will do to you, I for one, hope maybe that as you close it you can get some closer for yourself as well.”

“If some of my memories come back, I would like that.” She admitted, “Where did I come from? Why was I there at the temple? Who were those people? What happened to the Divine… to me?”

“All very good questions.” Cassandra said “And many of us would like to know, not just you. All this time we have spent together and I know hardly anything about you.”

“I like cats.” She offered.

Cassandra paused and then laughed “Well, that is something.” She paused “If, you would like to talk. Perhaps, we might become more acquainted?”

Helen paused and looked up at the older woman she gave a bit of a tired smiled “I would like that.”


	8. Encounters part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has no voice. Hasn't for so long that she can not remember if she ever spoke, laughed, or enjoyed the love of a family. But this Inquisition seems to be offering a chance for people like her.   
> Offering Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cole is fun. Still working on getting his voice perfect, he and Sera are the more difficult characters to write for me. (Sera isn't difficult, she just uses alot of unique slang and that makes things... interesting)   
> Also proper intro of one of the other Ocs for this story. Aside from the usual inner circle, going to be adding a couple more non-combatants, yes there are several in the game, but most of them change or move elsewhere and thus are not the kind I can really work with to write up. (I mean, except Dagna, looking forward to her intro! she's fun)

The words wouldn’t come. They couldn’t come. People screamed and shouted, battle raged and the Girl couldn’t get out. She huddled far back in the area she had managed to crawl to. Trapped between the falling debri of a burning building and the falling rocks of the hillside. She was half buried, unable to move and knowing that she had been forgotten. In the chaos of the surprise attack, no one was going to find her.

She was going to die alone.

She heard the dragon scream overhead and the dark haired girl could only cry silent tears as she tried to push something off her. A rock, anything. Even if it resulted in it all caving in, at least if she died it would be faster than slowly freezing or starving hoping someone would come.

Suddenly a rock did move, under her fingers but not because she pulled or pushed it, but because someone drug it away, creating an opening. She saw a boy, with a large hat and such soulful eyes.

He held a hand to her, “let me help”

She took the hand and let the boy pull her out through the small opening, just as the ground shook and it all caved in. She kept hold of his hand as he ran back towards the chantry. He pushed the door open and she went in with him.  She found herself standing by the Chancellor Rodrick. She’d seen him briefly before, but he did not look well. An arm over his belly, she could see blood.

The Girl looked about and found cloth, carefully holding it to the man’s belly. He looked at her through swollen eyes and she could see it there.

He was holding on, but it would not be for long.

“he’s dying.” The boy said softly behind her.

She looked back at the sandy haired youth and then back to the Chancellor.  Working to try and help. Even as it all went down around them.

The Herald came, there was arguing. But Rodrick hissed and managed to give them a chance to escape. More arguing, especially as the Herald said she would go out to arm the last trebuchet.

“If that monster is wanting me, then he’s more likely to be distracted long enough for you to get people out of here. You said yourself Cullen, all we can do now is make them work for it. So, let me do this! I will not sit and watch everyone die because that asshole is after me!” She had picked up a sword and left before anyone could further argue.

The Commander could only stare after for a moment before turning to the others. Shouting for them to run.

The boy helped pick up Rodrick so she braced the Chancellor on the other side of the boy. Helping to take the man so he could show them before he died the path so that others could live.

And she gave a silent prayer to whomever would listen, asking for the Herald to live, as she was out there, trying to hold off the enemy to let them flee.

“I hear you” the boy said but the girl could only blink at him and as shouts and orders went out she couldn’t do anything but go along. Scared, hurt and hopeful.

\--

Waiting. All there was to do was wait now. Rodrick was dead, the healers had made him comfortable as they could, but others were in more pain and danger. They had to leave him. The boy sat there by the man, softly talking to him, although she didn’t hear what the two had said to eachother. She just sat with her knees pulled up and silently prayed for the Herald. The only person in this world who treated her so kindly. Who had always a smile for her. Who smeared paints on her nose when she looked on curiously at the weird skull like designs she would do to herself.

The girl thought that the herald was beautiful, and strong. That she was kind and did not deserve to die. She felt like a small child again, hiding in a box in an alleyway. Hoping that the snatchers won’t find her.

“It’s dark, cold, alone. Praying but it never does any good. Stop.” Her head shot up. The boy’s words were coming faster and her heart about froze inside her “Can’t scream, if I scream they will hear me.” He was staring at her intently as her lip trembled. “You aren’t there now. This is not there. They aren’t coming for you. You are safe now. I will keep you safe.” the boy told her. He’d moved, come closer and gently touched her face, as if he could wipe away the mark on her cheek.

He moved her hair and stared at it, but smiled suddenly “it’s pretty.”

It was so unexpected and out of nowhere that all she could do was blink and stare at this strange boy stunned.  Just who was he?

“I’m Cole. What’s your name?”

She couldn’t speak, but for a moment as she stared into his eyes she could see the sails of the aravels…

“Our Child.” He responded.

He could hear her?

“Yes”

She felt her lip tremble, it had been so long since anyone…

“You aren’t blight marked. They left you, everyone left you. Even when they didn’t want to leave you. They wanted to take you too. But the humans would not understand. Even as the humans left you alone on the street, called you names, stole your name.” He trailed off “the Clan called you da’len, then Elen.” He tilted his head, his face dropping so that all she could see was the brim of that incredibly floppy hat. “I’ll call you Elen if you want.”

Slowly she reached up touching his hand, he started to pull away startled, looking up at her. But her fingers closed around his and she held his palm against her cheek.

Yes, she would like that very much.

“I’m glad.” He told her. He suddenly looked away “She comes. So bright…”

“There she is!” Even Elen looked up hearing someone shouting, seeing figures rushing for the cleft they had pasted before setting camp.

“Thank the Maker, she’s alive!”

More voices joined in, as the Herald was carried into camp. Hurting, injured, freezing, but alive.

The girl stood up and felt her heart in her throat. The boy, Cole, stood beside her. She hadn’t realized she still held his hand, not until he tugged gently to get it back from her.

She apologized.

“It’s alright. You hurt, now it doesn’t hurt so much. You can hope again.” He gave her an almost shy smile and she found herself grinning back at him.

Yes, hope. It felt good.

The boy walked off, she wondered where he was going. But they were bringing Helen towards the tent. She looked, saw a bench set up and grabbing up a roll and blankets threw them down. The Commander gave her a grateful look as the apostate elven mage came in quickly. His hands already glowing with power. Unlike the healers, he was as near fresh as could be expected after that battle.

So Elen quickly got out of his way, but she could still do things. Like start hot water from one of the kettles she found and stuffed with fresh fallen snow that could be hung over a fire. She could find more blankets, dry clothing, bandages not already in use by the healers to try and save more people who had been hurt.

“Broken ribs, lacerations.” The elf’s voice was telling the advisors. “She’s in bad shape, but stable. We need to get her warm. Ah, thank you Girl.”

“Elen” Cole’s voice said suddenly. The Elf paused and raised a brow, but only nodded shortly.

“Elen,” he said just as easily.

She smiled brightly. Holding out the blankets that the mage took and startled to bundle up the Herald.

Everything was going wrong, so very wrong. But people accepted her name, and the Herald was alive.

It was as if someone answered her silent prayers.

She looked up and at the edge of the tent she could see the boy, who looked up at her. Such sad eyes, but for a moment, he seemed. Happy.

So was she.


	9. Encounters part 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Haven. Helen feels inadequate for this job that's been thrust upon her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for massive panic and anxiety attacks. PTSD and references to violence and non-con.   
> So far this one has ended up being the longest. I thought of breaking it up, but decided not to. Its a complete scene this way I wasn't sure where one could even put in a break!

Helen sat on the makeshift nest of blankets and bedroll that they had put her in when they found her fallen in the snow at the edge of camp. Elen, where did that name come from anyway? Everyone was calling the Girl that now, was napping herself nearby. Watched over by the strange boy who had brought the Chancellor to Haven. Rodrick was dead, the boy carried his final words to her. Which was a comfort. She had not overly liked the man, frankly he’d been more than a little of a right prick, but he had not been evil.

Not like that thing.

She covered her mouth, feeling sick as she pulled up her knees. Next to her Mother Giselle reached over and touched her arm gently. “Are you alright?” she asked softly, kindly.

Helen nodded. She heard shouts and looking up saw that Josephine, Cullen, Cassandra and Liliana were arguing again. “They have been at it for hours.” And they had been in the camp for too long, they were still too close to Haven, if He came…

Her throat tightened and she turned, heaving out the contents of her stomach onto the ground next to the cot. The Mother reached over, gently stroking her back as the girl lost everything in half broken heaves.

“They can argue because you have won them this chance.” She told her softly, taking a cloth and dampening it she handed it to Helen who wiped her face.

Helen felt shaky, panicky but she took a breath focusing on what the Mother said, it was a distraction. “Just to die in the mountains? What if Corypheus…” she shuddered.

Earlier Helen had told them the conversation she’d had with the so called Elder One. About the Trevinter Magister trying to reach godhood after Solas had managed to get her to wake up.

She’d left out other things, but it had not been important, it had not been the information they needed.

“I do not know who this person is, nor am I one to judge what he may do, but he has not found us yet. That may be because we do not even know where we are.” She admitted. “But, the people have taken a serious blow. We have just watched Haven fall, and saw our Herald taken from us. But then you seem to have returned to us. Like a miracle. They need this, need you.”

“How? I’m suppose to give some sort of inspiring speech? Tell them that Andraste blesses them? I know next to nothing about the Chantry other than they wanted to kill me and apparently some of them have been joining up now. That everyone thinks I’m some sort of holy person. I’m NOT. I’m no one,  just, a girl. I can’t fight, I have no magic. I don’t even know where I am from! I’ve been doing everything I can, but it’s not enough!” she felt her eyes watering up, unable to look at the sadness in Giselle’s eyes she got herself to her feet and leaned against the tent post. Looking out at the others. They were no longer arguing.

Instead they looked as broken as she felt. Cullen kicked at the snow and punched a tent post, resting his head against it in frustration. Josephine and Liliana sat next to each other, just trying to stay warm by the fire. Cassandra was looking down at the map spread upon the camp table that was hobbled together by stacking rocks and planks.  Trying to at least figure out where they could possibly be.

How could she give hope to these people when she felt none? When she was out of ideas, when she was out of her depth. When she had failed everyone. Information? She brought information that did them no good. They had no base, they had no backing. It was all for naught and that horrible future she saw in her mind that still haunted her dreams from Redcliff, was going to happen. Why couldn’t this mark have gone to someone worthier? A fighter like Cassandra, who had faith and vision. Or a mage like Dorian or Solas, or even Vivienne! Even Sera would be a better choice than Helen!  At least Sera knew what she wanted to accomplish in her life. Helen couldn’t even get her own boots on without help.

Corypheus would destroy her. Her hand came up, touching her throat where she remembered his trailing claw like fingers, almost deceptively gentle. His promise made, not in a low threat, but simply stated. The rest came from him being a good twice her size and more powerful. He was going to kill her, and likely slowly. Destroy her and take for himself the anchor from her hand.

That she had somehow stolen from him.

She looked down at her hand and clenched it. It burned now, changed. Different.

Yet she wasn’t stronger. She was just more scared. The closing of the breach had not brought back any memories. She still knew nothing of what was going on. Helen only knew that she was scared. Terrified.

Plus she was helpless. She was one girl who had no real power but one that she seemed to have stolen by accident.

_Shadows fall and hope has fled_

_Steel your heart, the dawn will come_

_The night is long and the path is dark_

_Look to the sky for one day soon_

_The dawn will come_

Helen looked towards Giselle who walked towards her, stood beside her. Singing. Her voice deep from age and many chants she’d sung over the years. Clear, strong, and filled with such conviction. Helen did not know the words, knew nothing of the song sung, but she could feel the power, the power that the Mother gave it.

And slowly, she turned as more voices, Liliana’s, the various people, even Cullen’s, joined into the song. Until the entire camp sang the haunting hymn.

And they all turned towards her. Their Herald.

She bit her lip and stood straight, feeling the tears coming but trying not to shed them here. In this moment. They needed her to be strong.

She wasn’t, but she had to pretend. Hands clasped behind her until her knuckles whitened she stared as people put their hands over their hearts, how they bowed, or kneeled.

The last words faded upon the cold dark air, and everyone seemed more cheered. Smiles broke out, hope returned.

Giselle gently touched Helen’s shoulder, and she tried not to jump, feeling jittery from the attention “An army needs more than just Hope, they need a Cause. Whether by divine providence or by chance, you are the one who can help them find that direction.”

As she walked off, Helen half stumbled back reaching to try and get back to the cot, at least sit down and calm her nerves.

She found a hand under her elbow and looked up to see Solas looking at her with concern “Come with me, let us take some air.” He told her. Grabbing a cloak he pulled it around her shoulders and she followed willingly.

He took her out a little ways from camp, where they could look over the mountains in the distance. She watched him reach out and with a flick of his wrist lit the brazier with veilfire. She tilted her head at him, he stood there silently, looking more grim than usual as he faced away from her.

“I wished to clarify something, when you saw Corypheus, he held a sphere? Did it seem to be the possible source of his power?” he turned and looked at her, then seemed to suddenly pause with a flash of concern. He came over to her as she suddenly seemed to lose all balance and collapsed.

Helen was trapped in her own mind, over and over the same phrase playing as she could feel that vile thing touch her. Angry that he had been denied an easy return of what he wanted. He was going to punish her, punish her for being in his way, for taking what he considered his.

_I will destroy you_

“Helen!” suddenly she found herself in the present again, Solas’s hands loosing the faint glow and falling from over her head to rest on her cheeks. He held her face and she realized they were both kneeling in the snow.  He took one hand and picked up the edge of the cloak to start wiping at her face. She was not a pretty crier.

“What did he do to you da’len?” he asked softly. Concert knitting his brows together.

She could only shake her head unable to get the words out.

“Hand squeezing. Hot pain. Rib broken. No laughter. Just a voice. Talking low like a twisted lover. _I will destroy you.”_  The voice was from the side and Solas looked up startled for a moment, Helen wasn’t looking, she let her head sink down as she crouched over her knees. It was as if all the words were being taken from her and spoken.

“What are you doing?” Solas’s voice said.

“I’m trying to help. The words are stuck, like with Elen. Only worse. They knot up. No outlet. Do place to go. Running like a tiny animal on a wheel. Constantly spinning until. BAM. Side of cage.”

“You are a spirit”

“Yes. I am Cole.”

Solas seemed to think “Can you get what happened to her? What she has not been saying then, Cole?”

The boy came closer. Looking down at Helen, he seemed to half reach out as if he would touch her, but did not. “Its very bright, but this is louder still." he started and his voice took on a strange timber the closer he grew to the girl huddled nearly fetal on the ground. "Speaking, words, coming fast. Must keep him talking. The signal. Waiting. Delay time. Please let them be safe. Can’t repeat Redcliff. Words, more words. He speaks. Blinding pain. Hand hot. Wrong. Something changing. Eyes. Blue eyes. Solas please!” the boy paused and looked at the elf “That’s you!” he seemed to be pleased with himself.

Solas’ frown was deep as he shook his head “What did he do to her Cole? Please, hurry.”

“Signal must be close. More pain, searing, hot. Fingers like a lover’s. No! Wrong! STOP TOUCHING ME!” Cole’s voice took on an almost manic chant as he stared intently at the girl shivering in the snow.

Solas uttered something that sounded both oath and curse.

His voice took on a deeper tone, “I will ruin you. Destroy you. Biting, pain! Signal, thank dead gods, the signal! Distraction, one moment, no time. Sword. Can’t use it, but flail fast. Dropped, more pain. Not broken, twisted, but no time. Hit the switch, run. Sudden weightless, flying. Striking, pain... darkness. Cold. So cold. Hot panting breaths. Faster now. Crunching glass, twisting screaming dragons. DON’T LEAVE ME MAKUA!”

“Enough Cole. Thank you.” Solas silenced the boy as it seemed her memories of one thing were blending into the nightmares she’d described to him before. Likely when she escaped the avalanche and found herself below Haven.

“But it won’t shake loose. I have to get it loose.”

“I will do what I am able for her Cole, thank you. Please. Leave us.”

The boy seemed to want to say something more, but after a moment nodded hesitantly and seemed to disappear. 

Solas pulled the girl closer, wrapping arms around her protectively. Using his magic to warm and ease the muscles. Whispering words that would likely mean nothing to her but the soothing meaning seemed to relax her. The intent behind the words had more meaning than the words themselves.

And he waited. Waited for the episode to pass, for her to come back to herself. At least for the moment, he had a better idea of what he was likely dealing with.

As well as what that monster had likely done to her, or attempted to do to her.

“You will never face him alone again.” He promised her, rocking her gently. “This is not your mistake to fix. Yet you are the one left to fix it. Ir abelas da’len.”  He continued in his elven language, knowing well that even if Helen could register what he was saying, she would not understand.

“He tried to put something into me, I think... he meant to destroy me from inside.” She finally said, in a tiny, very childish voice.  “He had that sphere, it glowed sick, red, and it did… something. To my mark.”

He shushed her and held her tighter as she buried her face against his arms and the hood of her cloak. He pulled it over her knowing the darkness gave her more comfort than fear right now.  “Did he speak the truth? That this… Anchor, is a mistake?”

“An accident, it is a possibility. When you first mentioned the sphere to the others after you woken, I thought I had recognized the description of what it might possibly be. I went searching and am convinced it is of Elven origin.”  She was listening to him. So he continued speaking softly “A very rare artifact from the days before the Elven Empire fell. If I am able to come to the conclusion that this thing he holds is of no human origin.”

“They will try to blame elves, like they tried to blame me for the Divine.” She finished.

“Yes da’len”

Her fingers tightened on his arm and she said softly “I won’t let them do that. No to you. Not to any of the others.”

He paused and resting a hand on her head he laid his cheek against it and whispered “Thank you Helen. I appreciate the sentiment.”

“What does Da’len mean?” she finally asked after a long moment.

Solas chuckled “Little one, would be apt translation. Da is a diminutive and len means child. You also must find it amusing how similar to your own name is sounds. Da’len, Helen.”

“You are calling me a baby?” she managed to tilt her head and look up at him dangerously.

He chuckled again “No, just young, and in need of someone to guide her.”

“I don’t know what to do Solas.” She said softly. Tucking her head back down, the small bit of defiance out of her already.

“I may have a few suggestions to offer.” He smiled slightly at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple elvish language notes for this chapter. (And a couple for prior chapters just incase its missed. Most the time I leave it fairly vague or it gets explained in chapter, but for the periodic phrases likely to start showing up. I'll put general translations) 
> 
> aravel- the wagons that the Dalish use for traveling.   
> Elen- name that was given to the orphaned human mute. It means 'our child'.   
> Da'len - little one/ child  
> Ir abelas- I grieve/sorrow/ I'm sorry 
> 
> Another note: From here on out and growing more frequently, Helen will be throwing in a few words of her own. Just, a few hints now and then. I am not going to translate them yet.


	10. Encounters part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She sits in Judgement for the first time.

“Are you alright Inquisitor?” Cassandra’s voice carried up the stair.

Helen put her head down over her knees she clutched in her arms “Do I have to come down? Can’t I pretend to be sick or something?”

The woman gave a long suffering sigh and came up fully into the recently finished rooms for the Inquisitor.

Helen was currently half under a blanket and it was obvious from the state of her, as well as her room, that she’d been faced with the frustration of trying to dress herself.

“You really should send for Elen.” Cassandra chided, hands on her hips as she looked at the mess that the girl had made of her room as she hunted for something she could wear that didn’t require loads of buttons, buckles, and lacing.

What she wore now was completely inappropriate for a person of her standing. The Seeker sighed as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. What she could see of her seemed to include an undershirt and pants more suited to a blacksmith than a young woman of influence.

Helen wasn’t looking up, she at least had sense to be embarrassed about her inability to figure out things like clothing.

At the same time, Cassandra could still recall the very strange clothing the girl had been found in. Mostly aside from the brightness of the colors, the Seeker had been struck with how, well half dressed she looked.

And how completely inappropriate it had been for the colder weather it was.  

Now though, she wondered if those garments had not been some sort of under things as everyone assumed, but had been something that their Inquisitor was more use to instead. As the continued show of just how helpless she was with even just figuring out how to put on a pair of boots.

“It has been at least a week since we have established you as Inquisitor, have you at least come to a decision of what to do about the prisoners?” Cassandra asked her, changing the subject as she started picking up garments and looking for something that would be both appropriate and possibly easier.

From the way Helen acted, she was use to doing more for herself, and the pout she was putting on right now spoke volumes about how helpless she was feeling.

Cassandra had to admit, if she was suddenly unsure of how to even dress herself appropriately, she would be inclined towards rash and selfish actions too.

Helen just pulled her blanket over her head and rolled herself into it like stuffing a body in a carpet. Cassandra held a blouse and jacket in one hand, a much simpler pair of breaches. Not all that different from what Cassandra herself wore, in the other.

“You can’t go hiding in there all day Inquisitor. You agreed to be our leader, so it is time you make the real decisions.”

After a moment Helen did untangle herself from the bedding and sat deflated on the side of the bed “How can I judge another person? What happened at Redcliff, was horrible,” she half hugged herself staring down at the floor with haunted eyes.

Cassandra paused and after a moment sat beside the girl “But, it is something that must be done. Any consensus you come to will be honored by the leaders of both Orlais and Fereldan. This man did horrible things to the mages, teaming up with Corypheus…”

“So save his son.” and worse she could still remember, the dead eyes of the young man. Oh he was free of his taint, but he was already dead. Just a corpse that happened to breathe. Standing there with no emotion, no thought.

Worse than tranquil.

“people will do horrible things for their families.” Cassandra said softly.

“But what are my choices? Kill him? Seems to be what everyone keeps shouting I should do! Thing is, while he did some bad things, we stopped him from doing anything really bad. He messed with time and forced the Mages to making a bad deal, when you break it down, that’s ALL he actually did.”

“I never, asked you. About what you saw in Redcliff.”

Helen looked at Cassandra and the woman felt herself pale. The expression, the look in the girl’s expressive eyes.

Cassandra rather regretted asking now. “you all died.” Helen responded softly. “I saw the world as what would happen if we don’t stop Corypheus.” She turned her head to stare down at clasped hands “I saw why we have to win.”

Cassandra paused, and after a moment reached over to unpry Helen’s hands from eachother. The girl took a long shuddering breath. “I won’t become that monster. I won’t just remove something because its inconvenient.”

“Helen.” Cassandra said softly. Making the girl’s head turn and blink at her. Far as Helen could recall, Cassandra never called her by her name. Only Herald or this last week, Inquisitor. But never just simple Helen. “As the Inquisitor the power is in your hands, the decisions you make are your own and if you find that you do not care for what people expect, then create new Precedence. It is why we are all here, and here with you. I admit, when I first met you I did not trust you, and after you confused me even more. As you yourself will state, you are neither a mage nor a fighter. You are not a diplomat or of any military order. But what you are, is a Leader. You speak, you just exist and you bring hope. You see the world in a way I envy. It is not black and white, it is full of people to you. From the chantry to the commonest scullery maid. I see it in your gaze, they are the same to you.

Just know, that even if I do not always approve of the things you decide to do, I will stand beside you.”

The girl suddenly said a word that the Seeker didn’t recognize. It wasn’t common, nor did it sound like any other language Cassandra was even passing familiar with.

“Excuse me?” she blinked.

“Sorry, it just, came to me.” It was weird to remember something and not have it feel like it would make her sick. “Just, No one gets left behind. Family.” She looked up at Cassandra and smiled “You are part of my family. As is everyone here. From the scullery maid to the nobles trying to figure out what we will do next. All of us here. The Inquisition.

We’re family.”

The older woman blinked a moment, then smiled and shook her head “And this is why you see the world so differently than me, but, yes. We are in a way. Family. Arguing and bickering included.”

Helen giggled “It wouldn’t be a family if we didn’t disagree sometimes. But its pulling together when we need to. Its…” she paused “Making the calls that no one else wants to.”

Cassandra nodded.

And Helen suddenly nodded, suddenly looked more sure of herself “I know what I need to do.”

Cassandra smiled and held up the shirt to the girl “Let’s just get you into something that won’t make Lady Vivienne faint and possibly fall off the balcony.”

\--

Helen was doing her best not to look as uncomfortable as she felt. It was one thing coming to a decision on what she was going to do. It was another to have to pretend to be confident infront of all these people. Watching, and judging her just as much as she was judging the man before her.

The Magister stood, sagged, in pain. She could see it in his gaze, for him he was already dead. He just wanted it over with. Lied to, his son lost to him. He had nothing to believe in anymore.

Josephine was telling her the charges, talking about how as a show of ‘good will’ the people of his own country had thrown him under the wagon wheels.

She was really starting to develop a strong dislike for those people. Through Dorian she understood that they were not all assholes.

Just their leaders.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself.” Alexius was asked.

He looked up at them and Helen has a very hard time not feeling like she would cry. “Just kill me.” He said. No begging, he was tired, and looked old.

He looked alone. Lost.

Helen took a breath and leaned forward in the throne. Then she stood up. She couldn’t make this seated up on a throne as if she was some sort of Queen.  She couldn’t pretend to relax.

Instead she came down to Alexius and reached out to take his hands, bound as they were. The guard placed hands on hilts of swords, people went into shocked and hushed silence.

“Losing your family is hard.” She said softly to him, “I don’t know if I wouldn’t have made the same choices if in your place. What you did was wrong, but why you did it was for love.”

The older man stared at the girl, just as shocked as the people gathered. Helen gave him a bit of a smile her voice raised so that others could hear as she said “The judgment I pass down today is simple. To lose a life unnecessarily is a tragedy, to lose a mind who can figure out how to traverse time and realms? That is a travesty. Instead of taking your life, or making you tranquil, you will work. Mostly under guard, with selected researchers for the Inquisition. You’ll help us stop this monster who threatens our lands and our home.”

Stepping forward she looked into the older man’s eyes and said softly just to him “and I would very much consider it a special favor, if you can possibly research a way of not suppressing, but removing red lyrium when it has infected a person, so that in the future. You will never have to see another child, like your son.”

He had seemed at first to be defeated, as if what she ordered was far worse than a simple death. But then he realized what she was asking of him. “You would, give me a chance to undo my wrongs?”

“Every person your research can save, means one more son or daughter that a parent does not have to lose.” She returned. “And one more reason, for your son to be proud of you.”

He gulped, seemed to want to say something, but instead he gave her a slight bow and allowed the guards who led him away. Helen returned quietly to her throne and sat down, half lounged because it kept the shaking from showing so much. She hoped it was the right choice. Looking up she saw Josephine smiling at her as the diplomatic advisor read off the closing remarks to call the Inquisitor’s court to a close.

So, well maybe she had made a good choice then. Liliana appeared by her side and she looked up at the redheaded spymaster.

“Any instructions about who to place him with?” she asked her softly.

Helen thought a moment and said “Try and surround him with young minds.”

Liliana smiled “Young men and women close to his son’s age?”

Helen nodded, “He lost his whole family, let him build a new one.”

The smile said it was a very approved decision.

Maybe now Redcliffe could finally be behind her.

She glanced around, picking out her friends among the watchers, some still hanging around for the moment, others leaving. It was a mixed reaction, but she was glad to see most of them seemed to approve if not at least respect her choice in this matter.  Sera had scoffed, but then she didn’t like anyone in power and made her feelings on that pretty clear.

Most confusing reaction seemed to be Solas’.

Helen couldn’t read him. He seemed to in general approve, though could just be acceptance of her choice in this ruling, but there was something there. A strange confusion, or hurt.

She wondered if he would talk to her about it? Likely not. While getting him to talk about the Fade and magic was pretty easy. Getting him to talk about himself was another matter entirely.

The only person not present when she made this judgment was Dorian.

Once things cleared and were finished she stood up and went to see the Trevinter mage. She found him in the corner he took over and was curled up in the chair. A book in his lap but he wasn’t reading it. He was just staring into nothing. Chin resting on his balled up fist.

“Dorian?”

“Oh hey.” He smiled at her, all charm and gusto. Dropping his feet from the stool with a dramatic flare that carried him up from the chair to his feet and by her side.

Of course she was pretty sure he only did that because it meant he could ‘loom’ a little over her as she wasn’t all that tall. Which of course meant he could smirk down at her and have her glare up at him.

“Quite a spectical that was! I could hear the gasps form in here and everyone’s already talking about it!”

Instead of letting him grandstand she reached out and touched his arm. “How are you holding up?”

He paused and seemed to shrink a bit, shifting to sit on the rail around the edge of the library. “Well enough for the moment. I.. thank you for not killing him.” He finally said.

“It was the right thing to do.” She told him. “Your friend, his son?”

“Dead.” Dorian said softly.

She paused “So fast?”

“Alexius was keeping him alive. Once the magic stopped, Felix succumbed very quickly.”

“I’m so sorry.” She said softly, no wonder Alexius looked like he’d already died.

Dorian shook his head “Well he went and managed to at least make one last stand and an impassioned plea before the Magisters before he passed…” Dorian seemed to choke slightly.

Helen wasn’t sure what she should do. So she sat on the rail next to him so that their arms touched. Just letting him get it out.

He was unusually quiet for a time, then when he spoke he started telling her of some seriously silly stories of the trouble he and Felix would get up to and spoke very fondly of Alexius. It made her glad that she decided not to have the man killed. Though she did it for herself and for the man himself, the fact that at the same moment she could give Dorian this.

Let him hold onto a light that maybe those he viewed as family would be alright.

When he finished on story she leaned forward enough to look up at him as cutely as she could imagine, from the slight grin and cocked brow, it must have worked at least a little, “Will you go see him? Alexius?”

He sighed after a moment “I… don’t know.”

“I think it would be good for you, as well as him, if you do. You can both talk about Felix together. “ she rested a hand on Dorian’s arm. “Your friend, was a good person who did wonderful things. Help him remember that, and help yourself too.”

Dorian stared at her for a long moment, as if he wasn’t sure what to say.

After a moment he coughed, reached up and rubbed at one eye while trying not to look like he was. “Well, yes, maybe you are right. Just, not right now.”

She just smiled at him. He blinked at her and shook his head “You are fascinating.” He told her.

Helen made a rude noise and Dorian laughed at her. “I’m just me, and you are just you. We both are just trying to do what’s best for the world.”

He chuckled and shook his head, pushing up from the rail. It looked like the conversation was over, so Helen got off the rail and started for the stair when she paused as Dorian called out to her.

“Inqui- No, Helen. “ he seemed to decide that her name was proper to use in this situation, “Thank you.”

She just gave him a bright smile and half skipped down the stair.

Dorian shook his head and went back to the book he’d abandoned. “Just what is the world coming to? Adorable little urchins with cute smiles actually getting put into positions of authority? The gods must be laughing.”


	11. Part 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few bits from Elen's pov

Elen fled the kitchen. She’d gone to see about the Inquisitor’s tea when she ended up in what appeared to be a battle zone. The cook was having a fit and the staff was suffering for it.

At least the girl managed to escape with the tray for Helen. Simple finger foods and tea. She went hunting for her Inquisitor. She finally found her, seated on the scalfolding near the door heading up to her rooms. Staring down the tower and sharing a bit of fruit with the raves who were perched there.

Helen had glanced over, but her face broke into a smile seeing Elen. The girl found herself smiling back brightly.

“Brought lunch? Thank you. Sorry, just hiding from my advisors.”

Elen shook her head and raised a brow at the Inquisitor who looked embarrassed at least. Helen still accepted the tray and sipped the tea. Mint and honey. It was the Inquisitor’s favorite.

Elen watched the other young woman wrap fingers around her tea cup and close her eyes in bliss. “Thanks, if anyone asks, you have no idea where I am ok?”

Elen mimed locking her lips which made Helen smile at her and reach over to ruffle her hair affectionately.

Elen took the tray and very carefully tried to sneak into the kitchen.

“Who threw all these turnips onto the fire?” one of the cooks was saying “I was planning on cooking them tonight.”

“Its not just the bloody turnips, the head Cook is about to go into a fit. An entire wheel of cheese has gone missing, as well as a whole bowl of crushed mint I was preparing!” someone else complained.

Elen tilted her head, that was definitely odd. Maybe one of the kids were up to mischief? Maker only knew that there was not a lot for them to do. The children who ended up around Skyhold tended to have to make their own entertainment, with few places that was not under active construction or had busy adults crammed into the space.

With the Inquisitor pretending to be a fixture in the furniture, likely meant she would be leaving Skyhold again soon. She started getting too anxious and someone found an excuse to carry her off, usually to close rifts or help negotiate smaller incidences.

Which also meant that there was going to be very little for Elen to do.

Since coming to Skyhold Elen’s job really did turn completely into making sure that the Inquisitor had all she needed. She helped her dress, brought her food, ran any notes or errands for her. While fewer people were commenting, calling her Blight Marked or Girl, thanks to Cole making sure everyone knew her name. He even put it into the ledger that was in the Commander’s office for her. Showed her the entry, where the previous statement of her description was crossed out for a name.

Elen was very carefully memorizing the letters that formed her name, so she could write it herself.

It was her name. Her’s. And no one was going to take it away from her again.

Even as people knew her as Elen now, with more and more people coming and the Inquisition becoming more organized, there was less and less for Elen to do when the Inquisitor didn’t need her.

Slipping out of the kitchens she sighed and tried to think of something to do for the rest of the day.

Walking around a corner she saw Cole with his arms full of, Chickens?

What was he doing with those poor birds?

He looked up at her at that moment, almost as if she spoke out loud.  He paused and gave her that quiet smile “Elen”

She repeated her thought about the chickens.

“They have soft feathers.”

Oooookay then. That was spectacularly unhelpful.

Cole didn’t seem to want to elaborate. He just walked off.

She tried to follow, but even as she could follow his movements, she couldn’t follow his speed.

When she finally caught up to him, the chickens were gone and he seemed uninterested in elaborating on whatever he did.

He was sitting on the wall looking over Skyhold, kicking his feet idly. She came up beside him and leaned against the wall herself. He glanced at her sideways. As if half startled.

“You followed me?”

She nodded.

“Why? Most forget about me.”

Why would she forget? He pulled her out of the rubble in Haven. He gave her back her name.

He blinked at her his head up enough to let her stare into his odd pale eyes and long face. After a moment he ducked his head. So all she could see was the lower half of his face, the brim of his hat and a few fly away strands of hair.

Elen paused and since he didn’t seem to be asking her to go away, she crawled up onto the wall next to him, and after a moment sat with one leg dangling over the side. They were over the emergency infirmary area. The wind blew right and she wrinkled her nose a little. She could smell burning turnips. Who in Thedas had such a thing against turnips?

“They don’t smell the same raw.” Cole suddenly said as if he was picking out her thoughts, she titled her head at him, but he didn’t elaborate. She did wonder if he could hear all her thoughts.

“No, just the focused ones mostly, sometimes I see things. You are easier, and quieter most of the time.”

Elen looked sideways at the young man, she rather hoped she wasn’t a distraction then.

He shook his head “I like your thoughts. You don’t like to focus on the hurt, you want to help. Like me.”

She’d like to help him.

“Why? I don’t need help.”

He helped her.

“Its what I do, I like to help.”

Well, so did she.

He gave her a flash of that grin and she couldn’t help but smile back at him. They sat in silence for a time. Both watching in interest as Commander Cullen went running across the yard. When the Commander ran it tended to attract attention in general.

“Reports, orders,” Cole muttered, as if he was picking up something from the Commander.

Elen touched his shoulder lightly and he turned towards her . “We will be going soon.” He told her.

Elen sighed, means no one to talk to for awhile again.

“I can come talk to you when I get back, if you remember.”

She gave him a smile and rested her head on his shoulder. He looked startled but after a long moment he just went back to watching the crowds. “They found Helen.” He said suddenly. “I must go.”

Elen nodded and before he could fully leave she straightened out his shirt and adjusted his hat a little. He really needed to wash those leathers.

“They work” he responded. And then he was gone.

Elen sighed and turned back to watching the courtyard.


	12. part 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Fallow Mire. The Inner Circle just spent their time head to toe in mud, ick, and stink of a muddy swamp full of dead and demons...

It had been a couple weeks since the Inquisitor went out. When the group was spotted coming back Elen was up on the overlook watching. No one looked hurt, they even managed to rescue those men. Everyone had been talking about how the Inquisitor left for the Fallow Mire to rescue some missing scouts.

As they drew closer though, a stray breeze brought along an unfamiliar smell of swamp and decay to the high mountain air of Skyhold.

Pulling a nose Elen was already off. A simple tug on one of the copper tubs to the servants and they got her meaning.

By the time the Inquisitor made it to her room, looking like many miles of bad road and smelling worse, there was a hot bath waiting. Along with nice smelling soaps, clean clothing, and Elen with her sleaves rolled up and armed with a scrub brush.

“I fucking love you.” Helen had said, and Elen couldn’t help but grin, silently giggling.

The Inquisitor’s clothing was a mess, and no better than MAYBE a few rags. Not just the stains, but there were odd burns, cuts and weird substances that made Elen sort of push them down the stair with her foot. The Inquisitor laughed behind her.

“It was insane. Seriously this asshole took our guys prisoner because he wanted to fight me to prove his gods were better. Sera put an arrow through his face before he even stopped talking.”

Elen had to nod her head in approval.

“Even Cassandra was pretty impressed with her aim. Once that guy was dead the rest was pretty easy, but, tromping about a dead swamp….” Elen came back and quietly started to help Helen wash her hair. So neither of them had to focused on the haunted look in her eyes.

Elen heard about what happened there. The Plague, the dead.

It was not a good place. Had not been for some time and the chaos caused from the Breach had not made things better nor easier.

“We picked up some new information, I hope Liliana can get something for us.” Helen sighed and ducked her head under the water. She came up and Elen dumped a bit more over her head for a final rinse.

Elen left the Inquisitor there to let her soak away the rest of the swamp from her pores, and managed to get the really gross garments downstairs. When she opened the lower door she was met with one of the servants who made a face, very carefully picked up the garments.

Made sure there was nothing metal or valuable on them.

And immediately dropped them in the fire of the great hall.

Elen was pretty sure that was a statement in and of itself.

Most  of the Inquisitor’s inner circle had gone with her. So it meant that pretty much the whole troop were currently in various forms of ‘trying to get the swamp stink off of them’.

With also various statements of what they felt about the garments that went with them. Some sent them to be cleaned, metal might have suffered a little but it could be salvaged.

She saw Sera’s go flying attached to arrows and got stuck on one of the walls. Some of the guards were barrowing ladders from the workmen to get them down and dispose of them before the rank smell infected the courtyard.

So Elen went about helping to bring things to them, drinks, warmed towels.

So much depended upon these people, it was the least she could do.

It was when she noticed that she saw nor heard nothing of Cole that she went looking for him.

She found him by the smell.

He was seated up on the wall, still in his dirty leathers and looking even dirtier. He glanced up at her briefly and turned his attention back to the courtyard.

He didn’t say anything. But then at the moment it might have been because he was trying to figure out how to translate ‘incoherent babble’ into a solid thought.

Finally she made up her mind and that was when he turned and looked at her in confusion. “But I don’t have any other clothing. If you burn them then I will be naked.”

Elen did not care. She would find him new clothing.

He reached up and grabbed his hat, holding it protectively.

She wouldn’t burn his hat. Yet.

Silvery blue eyes just stared. Long sad face half unreadable. Mostly because it seemed he was trying to read her.

She gave a long sigh and then pointed. When he didn’t move she came over and reached up to grab the lanky youth and drag him. By the ear.

Cole looked both started and too stunned to respond other than in the way Elen wanted him to. Which meant she drug him towards the small room that was her own. Located below the Inquisitor’s, so Elen could be called on at any time, it wasn’t a large space, but it worked for her. It had its own fireplace and she managed a little magpie’s nest of things that made her happy. Her bed was a castoff that she stuffed with soft things like spare cotton, rags and feathers. Covered in patched and recovered pillows and blankets. She’d even draped cloth around it, which gave it a feel of one of the Dalish caravans.  A few spare cobbles and some planks, she put together a perfectly good shelf for the few things she wanted to rest on it. Above the mantel she had room for more things, and then it was just a matter of making use of repaired furniture.

It wasn’t much, it was mostly cast offs, and sure even with as tight as things were, Elen could have gotten better.

But it was her’s and she liked it.

Cole looked around her room curiously. She went to the side and pulled out the large wooden half barrel she used as her own bath. There was a hole in the floor that didn’t seem to lead anywhere important, so with a few buckets of water, and a large iron kettle over the fire, Elen could enjoy her own baths in privacy.

She released Cole, who just stood there, a slow creeping stink filling her small dim room. Elen left, coming back with a yoke and two large buckets, it half filled the tub, leaving again she came back with more, but this bucket only went to sit by the fire, half going into the large kettle. Cole watched her intently, curious about her actions. Once the kettle was hot enough , and she couldn’t put up with the stink any longer, she put that into the bath, taking it from cold to just barely warm. The rest of the last bucket went into the kettle again to go back over the fire.

The command was clear as she pointed to the tub.

“But” Cole started.

She glared.

He meekly started removing his dirty leathers.

While he stripped and got into the tub, she glared at his hat trying to see if it was possible to salvage at all. Well, perhaps if she soaked it long enough… She sighed and when she heard the sound of him in water she turned.

He was so pale. Currently he leaned on folded arms staring at her examining his hat.

“I’m a spirit. I don’t really need to bathe.” He told her.

Spirits don’t stink Cole. You stink. So a bath with you!

“I’m…”

She glared, he went quiet. She shoved his leathers outside the door of her room, to alleviate the smell, and tossed his hat to the side for the moment to figure out that conundrum later.

It was later that a light knock on her door followed by a dwarf poking his head in found the pair. Cole trying to blow soap suds off his nose, and seemingly amused by the activity, while Elen sat on a stool behind his tub scrubbing at his hair and the back of his neck with a single minded determination.

“I heard that Cole was drug off by his ear this way. The clothing outside the door was a tip off.”

“Hello Varric” Cole said he sounded somewhat cheerful “Elen says she can save my hat.”

The dwarf looked at the offending hat sitting on a box and wrinkled his nose “Good luck on that one kids.”

He was freshly cleaned, even a new shirt, though it strongly resembled the old one. He came in hesitantly and seemed to look over the pair. Cole looked calm, and Elen was half wet herself from making sure Cole was clean. After a moment though she got up, dumped water over the young man’s head and then handed the brush to Varric.

“She says you should take a turn, you’ll be more comfortable than her with certain parts of me.” He tilted his head like he was trying to get the sense of that.

Varric just chuckled “Right. And I take it you will go get some clean clothing for him?” she nodded.

“And check on the Inquisitor” Cole tossed in for her.

Varric gave the girl a bit of a salute and went to the tub.

Elen glanced at them and then went out of her room, picking up (with a stick of kindling) Cole’s old clothing. She went out of the area. When one of the other servants saw her with them, they took the garments, with an expression that said they would likely join the rest of the crew’s old gear.

Upstairs Elen found the Inquisitor, sound asleep in the bath. She woke her, got her out and wrapped in comfortable robes, then let Helen crawl into her own bed.

When she came back down a simple pointing had a couple servants heading up to dump the bath and bring it back down.

Elen went searching through the requisition stores for something that would fit Cole, and would be cleaner.

She managed to put together something she thought would fit him. He was lean and lanky, but he wasn’t unfit. Surprisingly broad shoulders, once she could measure them with her hands instead of just watching him. He had a way of making himself seem so much smaller.

When she turned around she saw the elven apostate mage, he just seemed to watch her silently. “Interesting.” Was all he said and left her, standing there holding an armload of clothing and wondering just what happened.

Shaking her head she went back to her rooms. When she got there, Varric had finished helping Cole bathe and had the boy wrapped in towels by the fire while they wanted for her to come back. She handed the garments to Varric then grabbed Cole’s hat.

She’d take it outside and see if looking at it in the remaining sunlight might give her better answers for how to save it.

She would wonder about weird elves and other things later.


	13. Part 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of All New, Faded for Her. One of the few full on following of one of the companion quests. Likely be tossing in a few more of these.  
> Edit: artwork added

Helen ended up waking up in the middle of the night. Breathing hard and shaking from reaction to her dreams.

They were getting worse. Nearly every night it was the same thing, the same horrible nightmare. A repeat of Haven.

Only she never escaped Corypheus’ clutches. She never managed to get that last launch off and bury Haven.

She managed to get to the balcony overlooking the outer walls before she lost the contents of her stomach. Sinking slowly to her knees, her fingers clutching the rails.

“Just a dream” she whispered, trying to stave off a full on panic.

She was failing spectacularly. There was no way she was ever going back to sleep, not with her mind filled with horrible images of everything that was lost and a reintroduction to what could be lost from Redcliffe.

She didn’t realize she’d left her rooms until she found herself standing in the great hall. It was eerily dark. The only light from a doorway, the rotundra? Her bare feet padded softly across cold tiling until she was there.

Solas was up, sipping tea, and making faces at it. He glanced up at her as she came into the room. His frown grew deeper. “da’len?”

“Distraction, need distraction. I thought you hated tea?” she’d found out that proclivity early on when it was still just her, Cassandra, Varric and Solas. She had cooked and when she offered food and drink to Solas, he had accepted the food, but turned down the tea.

So seeing him drink tea now was curious.

He poured another cup, it was brewed strong enough that Helen could smell it from where she rocked silently back and forth. He offered the warm cup to her instead of drinking it himself and she took it. Tipping it back and downing it before the heat even touched her tongue.

“Yes, it is tea. I despise the beverage. But I needed something to help clear my head, and from the look of you, it’s a good think I bothered to make a pot of the stuff.”  He spoke with unusual candor for him. Helen perched herself on the edge of his desk, her feet dangling. Much like the child he always teasingly called her.

“What happened?” she asked, if focusing on him helped her rid herself of her own nightmares, then it would be much easier to go through the day without feeling as if her heart would pound itself from her chest.

It didn’t help the things the scouts and troops were dealing with. Before the rather smelly trip to the Fallow Mire, they were going to head out to the Exhaulted Planes, but it was quickly being deemed much too dangerous for the Inquisitor. Helen might slowly be learning a few tricks, flinging bottles of smoke and fire as well as heals and liryums, she was also learning to turn her anchor into a weapon besides just a handy way of closing rifts.

But the Planes was crawling with the dead, plus the remnants of the civil war.

Solas sighed, “I needed the tea to shake the dreams from my mind.” He paused looking at her as she watched him intently “I may also need a favor.”

She felt a surge, mix of concern and gratitude for something to do “What is it? If I am able to do it Solas, you’ve been my friend since the beginning, if its in my power to help, I want to help you.”

He stared at her a long moment, then she saw his lips twitch slightly into a smile “Thank you Helen.”  He took a breath, seeming to try and force calm on himself so that hopefully Helen would be able to match her mood to his. “One of my oldest friends has been captured by mages, forced into slavery.  I heard the cry for help as I slept.”

“How did they capture your friend? Who is it?” she asked her brows knitted into concern.

“Most likely a summoning circle. My friend is a spirit da’len. “ He told her.

She blinked but nodded, he smiled at her, he had a feeling that Helen would react as she would if he told her this was a child or a veteran soldier. She had agreed that spirits must be people, and with how he’d seen her interact with Cole.

She honestly believed that. It was such a rare thing and gave him hope that she may help him rescue his friend. “My friend is a spirit of Wisdom, unlike most spirits clamoring to enter our world through the rifts, it was dwelling quite happily in the fade.”

Helen was biting her thumb nail, not looking at him, but lost in thought “Will summoning your friend here do to it what the rifts does to the spirits they pull though?”

He could only shake his head, but reached out to stop Helen from worrying her nail short. “I cannot say, likely the mages wanted information, but I don’t know what they could want that they couldn’t have just gone into the fade to ask for. Unless they wanted to force information that my friend does not know or does not wish to share.”

Mention of force made Helen go still, in a way that gave Solas momentary concern, before she seemed to shake herself of whatever shadows haunted her own sleep, “Then we should go rescue them. Do you know where they are?”

“I had gotten a sense of it, but we will likely have some difficulty, as it is in the Exalted Planes.”

“And the advisors don’t want me going there yet.” She pursed her lips and then seemed to nod “Get ready to go, we’ll leave before anyone wakes. Better to beg forgiveness and all that.” She said.

He looked as if a weight was suddenly lifted. “Thank you.” His hands squeezed hers and for a moment he leaned forward to rest his forehead against her’s. Then he pulled back and started gathering his things for the journey.

Helen hopped off his desk and trotted off to her own chambers, to dress and pack a bag of her own. She was going to need a lot of potions.

As she headed for her own rooms she ran into Elen who blinked at her. Helen held her finger to her lip, which only earned a raised eyebrow in return. “Solas and I are going to go rescue a friend of his.” She told the girl.

Who’s brows knitted together and she looked around, held up one hand and counted off two people then looked enquiringly at her.

“No, its just the two of us. We have to leave speedily. It’s a distance away and my advisors will have a shit fit if they find out.”

Elen frowned, then seemed to nod. Helen thinking the girl was going to pretend ignorance of her activities went off to quickly dress. She had her bag and carried a pair of boots in one hand, between the difficulty of putting them on, and the fact she was trying to be quiet, she kept them to the side for now.

When she returned to the Grand Hall, Elen and Cole were there. Elen had a pack, looked like it was basic camp gear, and Cole looked ready for a fight.

“What are you two doing?” she hissed at them.

“Elen said you are going to go rescue Solas’ friend, I want to help. And Elen does too.”

Ok, well, Cole would be useful. The boy was such a weird mix of gentle, sweet and terrifyingly deadly. But Elen was a non-combatant like Helen, hell likely even worse than Helen. Helen at least had Sera teaching her potions, Cassandra, Bull and Blackwall teaching her basic fighting, and Varric teaching her to pick a lock. (As well as cheat at cards and not get caught).

Elen gave her a determined look and Helen sighed, even if the girl was mute, if she really wanted to go along, she could very well make enough noise to start getting people suspicious.

“Very well.” She said to them just as Solas came into the hall. He didn’t seem to bat an eye at the two additions, though he handed Helen something. She blinked at the bundle. Unwrapping the light cloth she found inside was a new pair of shoes.

They were not in the style of buckles, buttons, laces and straps all together. Instead they were elegantly simple, more slip on with just a single buckle to tighten around the calf or knee.

Very similar to what he wore actually. Leaving half the foot bare. Taking a moment she slipped them on, they were simple, quiet, and while not the most  warmest shoes, she could put them on without struggling with trying to fasten and lace them up.

“thank you” she said softly.

He just nodded at her “I thought for this trip, you would want something a little easier to get into yourself.” He told her.

“Elvish make.” Cole ended up saying.

“They are comfortable.” Helen said and she stood up “Let go,”

“The guard should be changing, if we are quick, we can slip out unnoticed. I have left a message,  letting the others know where we have gone.”

“But likely not making it too obvious?” she said with a slight grin.

He grinned back “Well wouldn’t do to have them riding us down on the fastest horses before we are even down the mountain pass.”  


	14. Part 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finish of All New, Faded for Her.

Their forces had been doing much in the region, but even so the place was, disquieting. Solas led the way, as he knew more of the feel of where he was going. “I can still sense the spell in place.” He said as they marched on. For silence they had gone on foot rather than risk the time it would take to saddle a horse. At the foot of the pass, they were able to buy some animals to speed the trip, but it was still a very long and hard ride. With little sleep and less rest.

Solas was driven, and Helen did not blame him, if he was the one captured she would be rushing to help him just as hard and she did not know him nearly as long as he likely knew his friend.

Cole was a gentle force, who had not been saying much, mostly at the moment he would just talk in an odd one sided conversation with Elen.

Elen rode with Helen, while Cole was with Solas. Two horses was cheeper, plus it seemed neither of the younger members of their party had ever ridden before. And while Elen wasn’t a combatant, she tended to all of them. Making camps, cooking food, she’d learned much over the months it seemed. While Helen tended to cook most the meals (it was often her job with the group before, it helped her stay calm) it was nice to have someone else who could do the rest. Solas was too focused with worry and while Cole would help, he didn’t really know what to do, so he just followed Elen and did what she told him to do.

Helen watched the pair of odd friends, it was sweet she decided. Cole liked to help, he needed as well as wanted to help. His odd ways did not seem to faze Elen at all, if anything she seemed to be completely OK with it. Plus, Cole could speak for Elen, and Elen seemed to help Cole make just a touch more sense.

Solas perked as they rode, and paused “We are not far from where my friend was summoned.” He pointed off and Helen reigned in.

Solas looked back at her as she dismounted. “we don’t know what we’re going to walk into, Elen, I want you to stay here with the horses.”

Solas got what she was taking about and nodded himself, “If the worst happens, get on one of the horses and get yourself far from here.”

Elen took the reigns from both of them and nodded seriously. The girl moved the horses to a slightly more sheltered spot by the rocky out cropping.

Solas, Cole and Helen went in further.

“Everything here is blurry, it wants to forget but now the rocks are solid.”  Cole said as they followed the path.

Helen frowned, she didn’t like the sound of that, or the way Cole was standing, his head down, hiding behind his hat, which still bore some marks (and a very faint odor) from the Mire.

“Helen.” Solas’ voice made her stop in her tracks and she turned, looking down to see a body. Her stomach clutched.

“One of the mages most likely, killed by arrows it would seem.”

“And fresh.” Helen agreed. The blood had not even fully dried, nor had flies started to gather. “Just want is going on?”

Solas had moved further, finding more bodies “These are not mages.” He said crouching down. “And these claw marks.” He looked up and Helen felt her own heart sinking at his expression. “No. no no no.”

He started running, Cole and Helen dashed after. 

Solas came up to a fast stop, staring ahead. “My friend.”

Helen was trying to catch her breath, but looking ahead she could see… A demon held in some sort of crystal containment field “Oh, Solas…” she breathed. “Its been corrupted.” A faint feeling, pain. She could hear its voice. “You said your friend was a spirit of wisdom, not a fighter.”

“Yes. A spirit becomes a demon when its purpose has been perverted. The bodies back there. It must have been bandits, and they… “

“Summoned it to fight for them.” Helen said softly. She watched Solas attempting to contain his growing pain and rage, and was failing miserably.

She started to reach out to him when one of the mages by the circle suddenly spotted them.

“A mage!” the tired looking young man came towards them. “You are not with the bandits?” he asked hopefully. “Do you have any Lyrium potions? Most of us have ended up exhausting ourselves from fighting with that Demon.”

“Only it wasn’t a demon at the time! You summoned a spirit, you made it kill! You twisted it against its purpose!”

The mage blinked, taken aback by the elven mage’s rage. He held up placating hands “I understand how it may be confusing to someone who has not studied demons, but after you help us destroy this thing I can-“

“We are not here to help you.” Solas snarled.

Helen just tightened her lips and looked at the flustered mage “I would highly suggest you do not attempt to argue with my friend here about the nature of demons and spirits. He has much more experience than you likely have ever seen.”

The mage seemed to puff up, as if his credentials were put into question “I was one of the foremost experts in the Kirkwall circle!”

“Shut. Up.” Solas’ voice dropped, turned incredibly dangerous. “You summoned it. Commanded it to obedience. “

The mage seemed to shrink, and could only nod in response.

“You commanded it to kill- THAT is when it turned!” Ignoring the mage now he turned to Helen, she still watched him with a tight lipped wariness. For her he attempted to soften his tone. “The summoning circle, if we break the containment field around it. Set it free. No commands, no orders to kill, no perversion of its nature.” He explained.

“What? That circle is the only thing keeping it from killing all of us!” the mage said.

Helen took her turn to glare at the mage and then ignored the idiot to pay attention to Solas. “If we don’t force it against its nature, it should return to a wisdom spirit?”

“Yes.”

She nodded “Then lets do it.” She had more trust in Solas’ judgement than the mage who made the mess to start with.

It was fine and all summoning something to protect you, but summon something that was more suited! Helen was pretty damn sure there were spirits of violence or at least with violent natures who would just love a chance to kick ass. To corrupt something like wisdom, she glanced back at Cole and felt her lip firm more. If someone tried to pervert him…

Cole was there, twitchy, and just waiting to hear what he needed to do. “Alright, spread out, those crystal pillars, are they the focus of the spell?” Helen took a guess. Solas nodded “Alright, Solas, you go left, start taking out the pillars as fast as you can, Cole, you and I will go right. I’ll see if I can set a few bombs on the things and hopefully we can do this without hurting your friend further.”

Without further word the three went in.

All plans fell apart once encountering an enemy. In this case though, it didn’t so much fall apart as change.

Helen set one of her more explosive pots at the base of one of the pillars, had just moved back and flung a fire ball pot at it. She was about to jump past Cole to hit the next pillar when she looked up.

And met eyes with the demon.

Helen stood there. Every part of her being felt, filled, with the creature she looked at. It was… sad. Hurting, angry.

“Helen…” she heard someone say near her, but she couldn’t move. Could only stand there. The demon came close to her.

Then stopped.

She reached out and touched it. No commands, no orders. Just a gentle hand, as if touching someone in pain for comfort.

“Keep destroying the pillars Cole! While Helen has it calmed.” She heard Solas shout.

With a sudden jerk, she felt when the last pillar was broken. She felt all the rage just seep out of the demon.

Helen fell backwards, and felt someone catch her. From the shading over her face, she opened fuzzy eyes and saw Cole’s long sad features staring down at her, as if for a moment, he was connected to her as she had been to the demon.

Helen turned her head slightly, seeing Solas kneel before, not what was a huge raging demon, but what looked like a green glowing elven woman. Her eyes hallow, her body racked with pain.

Even as the spirit spoke to Solas, Helen’s lips echoed words she knew not what was spoken.

Until Solas freed the spirit to death, that was when she suddenly snapped back to herself. Back arched. Eyes wide.

Freedom….

Solas turned, saw Cole holding the half unconscious Inquisitor, he came over. “What happened?”

“She was trapped, both trapped. When you set it free that set her free.”  Cole responded.

Solas checked her pulse, Helen was alive, he felt his shoulders relax. “I had no idea she could do something like that.”

“The spirit didn’t become her. She became it.”

“How is that even possible.” He replied softly.

It was that moment the remaining mages decided to come over. Solas started a slow low growl.

“Solas…” Cole said softly as the mage got up turning on the mages who were thanking them for cleaning up their mess.  

“You tortured and killed my friend!” he didn’t yell, but his tone was so enraged, so menacing that the mages backed off. Not sure what happened.

“We didn’t know! It was just a spirit! The book said it would help us!”

Solas growled, his hands starting to glow “Your actions endangered the Inquisitor, ma da’len!”

Cole reached up, covering Helen’s staring eyes, so she wouldn’t see. Even as she wasn’t reacting at the moment. He could feel tears touching his palms.

Solas stood over the burning corpses of the mages and took several long breaths. “Cole, take them back to Skyhold.”

Cole just nodded, shifting and picking up Helen.

The mage stared down at the bodies, at his own hands. Cole paused as if he was going to speak. “I will meet you all back at Skyhold.” Was all he said and left the spirit holding the Inquisitor. After a moment Cole turned and took Helen back to the horses.

When Cole reached the horses Elen stared wide eye at him holding Helen and no sign of Solas.

“It didn’t become her. She became it. Solas set them free, but Helen hasn’t come back yet.”

Elen did not understand.

“Solas said to go back to skyhold.”

That made Elen pause and then just stare at Cole.

He sort of shrugged and twitched his shoulder off in a direction “that way, I think.”

Elen threw up her hands. Great, they were lost. The only people who could read the map was either not responding or left them stranded in the middle of corpse infested fields!

Plus, neither Cole nor Elen could ride.

Cole didn’t respond, just watched Elen as the  other girl tried to figure out what to do.


	15. Part 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> damn... its just writing itself. And I need more sleep...

“Hawen” It was Cole speaking, but it was Elen who suddenly ran forward and pretty much leapt into the arms of the surprised older elf who had been watching the group come up the road.

Not far back up the road, Elen and Cole had ended up helping a pair of hunters defeat some demons who attacked them.  When Cole had started to try and explain what was going on, even though it made him nervous, it had been Elen who took his hand and helped him say it right. So he spoke for her as she made a couple signs with her hands to show them as friends.

It took a few moments of added confusion, but when the younger (Nicer in Cole’s opinion) hunter suddenly recognized Elen as the human girl who had made friends with a part of their clan who had years ago gone to one of the cities to trade. Desperation had been the larger trigger. As wars and the Blight forced them off their normal routes for a time.

With Helen draped over one of the horses, slowly recovering, Elen helped Cole seem more normal. The elves still found the fact that Cole could ‘hear’ Elen without her needing to speak odd, but didn’t question it too hard. Just peppering her with questions and stories while they walked them back to their camp.

When the clan leader came into view, was when Elen completely broke away from the group and took off running towards the camp, the red sails of the Aravels making the camp more noticeable where it nestled between the river and the caves created by an out cropping of stones.

“El’len!” the Elder said startled by the human girl. He pushed her back and moved her hair away, to show the star shaped burst of wine across her cheek. “You have gotten so big!” he commented. “Who is this?” he spoke this time to the hunters who had lead the group.

“The Inquisitor, Hawen.” The younger scout who had talked most said, “They helped defend us from demons on the road,”

The elder looked to Cole “What happened?”

Cole stared down at his feet and tried very hard not to make them all forget him. Elen came back and took his hand. He glanced at her and she smiled. Telling him what to say.

His voice was slightly sing song, very monotone, and only slightly hesitant as he parroted what she thought. “We had come to help a friend, when the Inquisitor was hurt. Our mage was able to help, she will recover, but- He had to leave. So now we are… lost and could use your help Respected Elder, to get back to where we belong.”

“So this is the Inquisitor?” Hawen said as he came forward. Helen blinked and seemed to very hazily come back to herself, struggling to sit up, instead she about fell from the saddle.

Cole practically disappeared from Elen’s side and caught Helen before she hit the ground. Leaning her to sit on the ground and lean back against him. There was a definite panic in her gaze.

“Confused, bright, its all too bright.” Cole half whispered. Elen looked up pleadingly at the Hawen, who pursed his lips.

“Take her to the back of the shelter.” He said. A couple of the other Dalish moved to do so. Cole looked at Elen, who nodded and the boy just seemed to completely disappear. Several blinked, others looked a little confused.

“Strange company you keep these days El’len”

The girl shrugged but seeing that her Inquisitor was taken somewhere quiet and safe, and Cole was going to be ghosting around keeping an eye on things she felt safer herself. She knew this clan, they would not hurt them.

They might not trust humans, nor were they given cause to trust humans in general, but they did trust her.

Even if she had been just a small child. She still had their trust for the time being.

“Walk with me.” Hawen said to Elen.

They did not wander far, just a little ways around the ridge. Elen could see the hunters that had brought them in were going back out. Hunting a path they said. With the civil war and the demons, it was making passage difficult for the clan, and they had already been stuck too long in one place.

“there isn’t much help we can give you at this time. Half the clan decided to head out and forge a path to the Emerald Graves, our hunters are all over the valley here just trying to keep the area around the camp safe.” He shook his head. “On top that the human trouble we have been having, the demons have infested Var Bellanaris. We can’t even get near the sacred grounds.”

Elen just pulled out the small map she had and opened it, indicating the one spot she had been able to see was marked on it, Skyhold.

He blinked, thought a moment and caught her meaning “Directions I can give you.” He said sounding much relieved. So the pair taking a seat on a rocking out cropping, he was able to indicate directions and landmarks on the map to help her find her way, at least back to one of the main crossings. And Hawen stated that for at least the glad tidings of this situation having brought their el’len back to the clan, they would allow the Inquisitor as long as she needed to recover. Although sadly, they could not offer supplies or any other aid. Aside from the Keeper’s personal distrust, there was the fact that at the moment, the clans just didn’t have anything to spare.

Elen understood. But she hugged the Keeper just to assure him she was fine.

Besides, while she couldn’t say anything about it, she was pretty sure that as long as they started on the path, if they found one of the Inquisition camps, they could very easily get in contact with the rest of the Inquisition and get help back to Skyhold themselves.

Though hearing about the troubles of the clan who while forced to give her up, had offered a temporary home to an orphaned child, made Elen wish she could do more for them.

When she and Hawen came back to the camp, Elen went down into the shelter, moving carefully among the skittish Halla, she reached Helen’s side. Someone had put a cool damp rag over her face, and she looked much more relaxed.

Sitting on her heels next to the woman she reached out and took her hand.

Helen used her other hand to lift the rag a little and look at the mute “Anything interesting?” she asked.

Cole seemed to almost materialize right behind Elen, who didn’t even respond as he voiced words for her.

“The Keeper can’t offer help. The war and the demons have cut them from most of their clan as well as from supplies. “ then Cole half crouched his hat dipped low and held out the raven he was carefully holding in his hands. The bird looking relaxed though just mildly annoyed. Elen blinked at the bird who blinked back. Then she looked up at Cole questioningly.

“I asked him to get the bird, it’s one of Liliana’s.” Helen said, “Now, if we can find someone who can help us write a message, we can get word ahead.” The girl sighed falling back against the pack that had been set up to brace her. “I do hope that the rest of the group doesn’t kill me for this, or Solas for leaving us in a lurch.”

Both Elen and Cole titled their heads the same way. With a croak the raven in Cole’s hands decided to do the same thing too.

Helen rubbed her nose.

“If you need someone to write for you, I can do it.” They all looked up, Cole half moved back and pretended he wasn’t there.

“Hi, I’m Loranil.” The young elf said coming forward. “I can write,” he offered “I really want to help, but the Keeper won’t let me join the Inquisition, but I can do this, he hasn’t told me I can’t write a message for someone.”

Helen blinked at the young elf and then gave him a dimpled smile. “Thank you Loranil, perhaps I may speak with your Keeper and see if he will be willing to see reason if you really would like to join up.”

“Would you? Well, I mean, it won’t likely do any good.” He sighed, obviously not letting himself get his hopes up.

“Paper? Writing tool?” Helen said and the boy jumped and then with a stumbling apology he rushed off, coming back with what looked like a blank page torn from a book and writing sticks.

Helen dictated a very short and simple message. Signing off with a ‘please don’t kill me’ before she took the message from the young man and rolling it up she used a bit of string from her pocket to attach it to the raven. Then let Cole take it outside to fly back to Skyhold.


	16. Part 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helen Making Friends

“Well, we are both going to die.” Helen said to Cole.

Who held out his blades and stood ready. They were outside the elve’s graveyard.

Elen was out with Loranil trying to talk a very golden looking Halla to join the camp’s herd. So Cole and Helen, the only ones of the group who had any fighting experience were trying to take out a demon infestation.

And close a rift.

Thinking Helen nodded and then gently elbowed Cole “we’ll flank, you get in behind them and charge when I do.” She told him. At least there were not too many.

Which made using the weird fade like powers that the Anchor gave her the only way she was likely going to get through this alive. Cole’s eyes darted towards her.

“I won’t let you die.” He stated and then was completely gone from view. Likely about to ruin one of the demon’s day.

She saw him dart out, almost as if coming from multiple directions, hitting one of the rage demons below so fast the creature hardly had a chance to react to the dancing blades before it collapsed in on itself.

He dove back out of the way before the others could react.

And once he was out of range she stretched out her hand.

Then shifted the rift over the creature’s heads. The closest she could come to what the feeling was like, was as if she had a tube she was blowing air through and then suddenly took a breath inwards.

Sucking the energy, the creatures, back through to the correct side of the fade.

As soon as that happened, the rift tore itself from her grasp and was trying to force spirits back through it again. Gritting her teeth until she felt like she might break her back ones from grinding she shifted her focus. Fought the rift and with a struggle she closed her hand into a fist.

The rift closed at the same time.

Helen dropped to her knees. A shadow over her shoulder made her blink up fuzzily and see Cole, who watched her with that vague concern. Silent at the moment, as quiet as her own mind.

“Give me a second.” She said softly to him, he just nodded and backed up a couple steps. Turning to stare curiously at one of the graves.

Helen took a long moment to just get her breathing under control then she stood and took a moment to look at the graves herself. She couldn’t read the writing on most of the stones. Helen had only recently been learning to read fereldan, let alone Orlaisen, and whichever next language Varric, Solas or Josephine decided to drop on her.

“Full, bursting,” Cole said off to her right “So much to know and not enough time.”

She looked up at him and sighed “Yeah, not nearly enough time for anything. “

“Too many questions, not enough answers.” His head down he was looking at an urn. Gently he laid a few flowers picked from somewhere. Helen went over to see what it was. She could not read what was on the urn, but there was a small locket.

Carefully, so not to disturb the grave she opened the locket and felt sad. It was a child pictured inside. “Ir abelas da’len” she whispered softly one of the few phrases she knew mostly thanks to Solas.  She glanced up as Cole held a flower to her, Helen smiled and took it, adding it gently to the tiny grave.

“Can you tell if they found that Halla?” she asked Cole, who tilted his head and shook it.

“too far. Can’t hear Elen”

“Well lets go see how they are doing” she responded standing up. There had not been a return raven yet.

The pair walked back to the Dalish camp. Half way there one of the Hunters joined them. Just so that they did not walk back alone. Helen appreciated it. She could tell it wasn’t distrust, it was simply a kindness for another kindness. They could kill the demons, true, destroy the corpses walking but they wouldn’t stop it. Not without closing the rift.

And so far, Helen was the only such person who could do such a thing. She looked down at her hand, staring at the strange scar, but not scar. The odd glow, her hand tingled and she gripped it, feeling a weird not pain shooting up her arm. It had been getting worse lately. Like the nightmares.

“It glows brighter” Cole said, “Makes you brighter, harder to hear. I can’t hear you anymore unless I’m really close. The mark makes you both unreal and more real.”

She stared at the young man and blinked “Does it bother you not to be able to hear me Cole?”

“Only that I can’t help if I can’t hear.”

She smiled at him and then reached over to touch his arm lightly, “I like you being here Cole, just being here helps.”

“I like to help!” he said cheering up visibly. It made him seem less small.

Their Dalish guide just seemed a little confused by their conversation, but as the camp came into view he waved them to be well and went back to his own duties.

In the camp Elen was feeding green leaves to an incredibly gold looking Halla. Who was nuzzling the girl and hunting for more treats. She grinned at them.

“She lured the Halla, even managed to lure a few others as well.” The craftperson of the camp said with amusement. “I remember her as a child, it was how she came to Hawen’s attention, a tiny little thing stretching to hold out the core of an apple to one of the Halla. The only human brave enough to come to the Dalish camp, and not to watch the ‘wild savages.’” She said and smiled at Helen “Keeper Hawen tells us if you wish to trade with our people, you are welcome to what we have, and,” the elven maid paused before giving a softer smile “Thank you for the flowers.”

Helen had a feeling their actions had been carefully watched. This rather proved it. She smiled and nodded though.

“So tiny, small, strong but not strong enough. Couldn’t keep fighting,” Helen looked at Cole who was staring at the woman “you did all you could, it wasn’t your fault. He was just sick.”

The women looked slightly uncomfortable and cleared her throat. “He was my son” she whispered softly.

“He loved you, right to the end, and did not blame you for not saving him. He liked the songs you sang. They made it easier.”

Helen thought the woman was going to burst into tears, but instead she squared her shoulders. “It’s ok, its been some time.”

“You should sing for the one you carry. “ he said suddenly.

Helen blinked and then smiled “Congratulations.”

The woman’s stunned expression spoke volumes. She obviously didn’t know. As her hands came up to hold her belly, “I was told the chances of having another….” She whispered.

“This one strong. It’ll live.” Cole told her.

“I… I must go, dareth shiral.” And the elven maid quickly walked off for the moment.

Cole blinked “I thought she would be happy. She is, but she’s scared.”

Helen reached over and straightened Cole’s hat, so he would look at her “She lost one child, she is understandably scared and you rather dropped the news of this one on her suddenly.” She explained “I would be scared too, as well as happy. She’s likely off to tell the people who should know.”

He tilted his head “So she is both scared and happy? Should… I make her forget? Start again?”

Helen shook her head, she’d watched him do this helping thing of his. He could make the person forget, try again, but she felt it would be better for him if he was a little less forgotten. Maybe Sera would stop trying to shoot him in the back during fights.

He was very good at dodging, but that didn’t stop the rather disconcerting time recently were he spent a good portion of the day with an arrow sticking out of his hat. The only reason it wasn’t through his head was because his hat still had a metal cap protecting the crown of his head.

Helen managed to make Sera promise not to do that again, mostly under threat of kicking her ass all the way back to Skyhold, but Helen could tell even Vivienne, who disliked Sera strongly, was disappointed that the girl missed.

Helen mentally sighed, getting her little inner circle together had been easy, getting all of them to get along was proving to be a little more difficult.

“I think she will be fine, a little startled, but a new life, especially in these days, is a good thing Cole.”

“Its tiny, but strong.”

She grinned, feeling laughter bubble “yes.” Helen was thinking of seeing if there was any more distractions to be had around camp. Something to make her not think of other things. Or if she would be forced to say goodbye.

Cole looked at her “He’ll come back” he said softly.

She bit her lip and gave a half shrug shoulder, it took a moment for her to shift gears, but considering where her thoughts had been… “I’m ok Cole, Solas just needed a little time. I’m sure we’ll likely see him back at Skyhold.”

Cole stared at her and just nodded. Seeming to just disappear. Helen sighed and rubbing her arms looked up as a call of a raven landing nearby drew her attention. She walked over to it and pulled out a bit of bread from her pouch. It was pretty sad, crumbled to next to nothing, but would work to give a treat to the bird as she took the ribbon off its feet and the tiny message.

Opening it up it had only three words. “Well, I’m fucked.” She muttered with half amusement as she read the message.

_Do. Not. Move._


	17. Part 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the Inquisition catches up with their Inquisitor.

“Brought the stuff I asked for?” was how Helen greeted her friends when Dorian, Bull, Varric and Cassandra came into view.

“Yes the Raven reached us right before we left Skyhold.” Varric said. He grinned at her “You guys caused quite a stir leaving like you did. So, where’s Chuckles? Cassandra here is about to chew his intestines with salt.”

Cassandra was fuming, and the look she threw at Helen made the girl gulp. But Helen shook her head “I don’t know, he… had to leave. He said we would meet up in Skyhold.”

“HE LEFT YOU HERE?” Cassandra’s shout sent every Halla in hearing range scattered.

“Calm down.” Bull said in a way that said he’d likely been saying this the entire trip to the Planes from Skyhold.

Dorian just rolled his eyes “We got here and our little Inquisitor is just fine. If anything seems being out in the rustics have been good for her. Just look at the color in her cheeks!” he had come over and thrown an arm around her shoulder, pinching her cheek in a not overly gentle way. Ok, yep, he was pissed at her too.

Varric sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose “How about we head back to Skyhold and settle this like adults?” he offered.

“Yeah, over a couple pints.” Bull offered.

“That MAGE drags the Inquisitor out here, in the middle of a civil war and then just leaves her here? ALONE?”

“I hardly think she was alone Seeker. She had the Kid and Giggles with her.”

“A demon and a mute! Elen is a valuable asset as a handmaiden for the Inquisitor, but she is not a combatant!” Cassandra scowled.

Varric sighed “It seemed to have worked out well enough, lets not worry about what might have beens!”

“I’m sorry, really. But Solas needed to help his friend, and we didn’t have much time. If I wasted time trying to wake everyone up….” Helen shook her head “It would have been very bad Cassandra.” She looked at the seeker from under Dorian’s hold, though she did get him to release her cheek, “They had turned her into a demon, a bad one. It was a very powerful spirit they had forcibly summoned and corrupted. If I waisted time argueing with everyone, it likely would have killed half the valley before we got here, and we would have even more corpses to deal with.” Put it in a way that they could understand. Leave out how she had taken over the demon, for a moment.. became her.. and then died with her.

Wisps of memories still haunting her mind, but at least it wasn’t the nightmares. It wasn’t that Monster…

Cassandra paused and sighed “You, are right. If you had waited to come later, it, might. Have become a worse situation.”

“thank you for understanding.” She said softly.

Cassandra pulled a face and then sighed and came up to pinch the cheek Dorian hadn’t already abused, making the girl squeak. “Next time you take at least me with you!” she gave another little twist just to make sure the point was clear “And there better not be a next time.”

“Yes Ser” Helen managed.

Varric got Cassandra to let go of the Inquisitor and Helen pouted at them all rubbing her cheeks. “Come on Small fry” he told her and she sighed as she went with her friends towards the camp with the pack horses they had brought.

With the supplies short, the hunting iffy and danger not just from the fighting humans, but also from the increased demons and even wild animals driven half mad from exposure to the Rifts, the Dalish were not having a good time, and unlike those who came to Haven, and now Skyhold, they did not feel comfortable enough to try joining the refugees either.

But Helen saw people who needed help, and who likely would be willing to help in return. The more people who helped eachother, the better it would be for everyone.

“What’s this?” the Keeper said to her as she came up. Cole wasn’t anywhere to be seen for the moment, but Helen was sure he would show up. Varric was here. Elen was with a couple of her friends, who were teaching her to play a musical instrument. Something that involved strings and an interesting bow, that instead of running over the top of the strings was strung in a way that hooked under the strings to play instead.

“Keeper Hawen, for your kindness in helping the Inquisition, and in allowing those of your Clan to join our order, I had supplies brought to aid your folk in the winter.” She held out the reigns of the pack animal. He paused a long moment and took hold of the straps.

“I, don’t know what to say. Kindness from Shem…”

“No more than the kindness you gave to a small child everyone else called Blight Marked.” She said softly.

He blinked at her and gave a small smile “I only wish, we had been too scared, we should have just taken her with us.”

“The past is the past Keeper.” Helen said. Trying hard not to reach up and rub her cheeks again, damn it! It still stung! “And I hope that in the future, we can steer a course that will bring a lasting and real peace among all our peoples.”

He looked at her, as if she surprised him, again. “You are a wonder Inquisitor, and maybe perhaps, you have been sent by one of the Gods to lead us. You will always be welcomed among my clan, and I will be sure to spread the news of the sort of person you are to all the clans.”

She smiled, trying not to smile too big. She could see a few giggling faces, likely from those who witnessed the Grand Inquisitor being scolded like a small mischievous child.

But at the same time, Helen felt this had been a good trip. Worth it. On multiple levels.


	18. part 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bull takes Helen about to meet the poeple that help make the Inquisition a working entity

“Hey, Boss.” Helen looked up seeing Iron Bull approach her. She gave him a little wave and put a ribbon she had been using as a book mark between the pages before she closed the tome she had been struggling to read.

It had been several days since they have gotten back to Skyhold, and Solas had not yet returned. Varric was doing his best to keep her spirits up, offering a bet. As well as gifting her with a new book, which she was struggling to work through. It had a lot of large and unfamiliar words in it. Which made figuring it out challenging. But in so far it was still an interesting read. Not one of Varric’s works, but of a ‘decent contemporary’ as he put it.

“What’s up Bull?” she asked as she looked up (and up and up) at the Ben-Hasthra spy (who just up and announces that they are a spy?) and Mercenary Captain.

“You have a moment? Come with me.” And he pretty much just grabbed her by the shoulder and hauled her to her feet. It seemed she wasn’t going to get much chance to argue.

Later she was dressed like one of his Mercenaries. Including a ridiculous patch and helm that obscured her face. Krem adjusted the armor and looked pleased with his handiwork. Helen didn’t look like the Inquisitor, she looked like one of the Chargers. Possibly a very young recruit anyway.

“Look good!” Bull said and next she knew he was dragging her around Skyhold.

It didn’t take long for her to figure out what he was doing. He’d told her once back in Haven that the Inquisition was already too big for things to be ran like he ran his Chargers. In the Chargers, everyone knew everyone else. They knew who and when they were sleeping around, they knew everyone’s favorite food, or drink.

Helen couldn’t do that with the Inquisition. She was a figure head. A powerful piece everyone could look towards, and the few people who managed to draw closer each had things to offer. Not just to the Inquisition, but to Helen herself. Her Inner Circle were the people she could trust, not just to defend her in a fight, but to tell her when she was being stupid, to see the bigger picture and help her see it too.

But out here, these people were the ones she was less likely to meet, to get to know, they were faces who would work, live and even possibly die for her, and all they were likely to be were names on a piece of paper. Part of a letter that Helen would never write, but one of her other friends would.

And bull didn’t just introducer her around to her fighters. He took her around to meet the workers, the stone masons, the craftsmen. Yes, she met the merchants who trooped up and were littering up the lower courtyard near the stables, but that was still business and impersonal, these people were the ones who were fixing the walls, who repaired furniture, who were trying to make work the plans she’d sketched not that long ago for plumbing water in Skyhold.

She went around all evening, playing cards, hearing stories, listening to people talk around her. About the Inquisition, about herself.

It was both eye opening and a little unnerving at the same time.

Just how much hope people put into her. How much they believed in her and not just her, but the cause she was trying to help keep together for the Inquisition. When she was yawning to the point that she felt she might fall over, Bull finally pulled her out of the last group, with the excuse of finding their own tents and once they were back behind the tavern. She was able to pull off the helmet and shake out her damp hair.

“I hope I don’t have to spell out what I was doing for you tonight boss” he said to her, taking the helment and the sercoat as she pulled that off too and handed them back to him.

“No, I understand, you wanted me to see the people I do not get to normally talk to, not like this anyway.”

He smiled, pleased she understood “The Inquisition isn’t like my Chargers, you have to direct for a whole nation or two’s benefit. You can’t afford to know every person you command. But, it helps you keep focused if you understand what brings these people to help you.”

She was quiet and looked up at him “Thanks Bull. Really.” She pulled back on her own shirt and figured that at least now she looked a bit less like a mercenary and more like herself. At least long enough to get back to her own chambers. And perhaps a bath.

The stuff Bull put her in could not have been very well cleaned any time recently.

“Anytime boss.” He gave her a light cuff in the shoulder and let her go.


	19. part 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with the bit I'm currently writing now, over 30000 words.. in less than a flippin' week! 
> 
> my hands hurt.

The Vasroth known only as ‘Stone’ was a mason and currently trying to figure out what he just got himself into.

The job had seemed simple. Word after the fall of Haven went out and over time, craftmen of all stripes started to make their way to the place called Skyhold.

And it was a wonder! So much beauty and the work to be done, it was going to be years before it was finished.

Plus Stone had other skills, in general carpentry and construction as well as remodeling that he had been pretty confident he could get hired on.

Until he ran into the current heads of the craftmen. Despite others telling him that they were still looking, despite the many letters he carried with him, recommending Stone and his work.

The fact that he was large, had horns, and the Qun were waging war on just about the entire world seemed to be more than a few points against him.

He was going back towards the stables were his mount was waiting, about to give up, perhaps if he got a group of possible hires and snuck himself in among them? That sort of tactic worked in the past. Stone found once he was hired on, most quickly lost any reservations about what he was.

Oh, some didn’t. But if it got too bad, he just moved on.

He was just really tired of moving on.

“Hey.” He paused realizing that the repeated comments was actually directed towards him. Turning he saw a human, older man with dark hair and a beard staring at him. Once the man had his attention he hooked his thumbs into the wide belt he wore. A warrior of some sort. Stone wondered if the guy was going to either pick a fight, or offer him a military position.

While Stone could fight, he was actually pretty good at it too, he didn’t like fighting. He wanted to make a living doing what he was doing. Afterall, it was like a kind of magic. Taking a few bits of wood, stone and mortar and after stacking it all together just right you turned it from a collection of random pieces of disparate things and turned them into something beautiful.

A home. A place that overtime could tell the stories of the families who laughed and lived within their walls.

That was what he wanted to leave behind, not stories and broken bodies.

“A mason worker?” the man said.

Stone nodded, then cleared his throat “Yes Ser. I heard there was need for experienced craftmen.”

“You have credentials?” seeing no point to hide them, Stone handed them over to the man who began looking them over.

He humph and after a moment handed them back. “Right, it looks good, what I am going to tell you doesn’t go between you and me hear? Head up those stairs, that will take you into the kitchens. There will be a woman there. Tiny thing, looks barely old enough to attempt to fill a bodice.”

Stone snorted, amused and trying to figure out just what this man was getting at. The dark haired fellow continued “Show her your papers, she’s got a bit of authority around here, she’ll likely place you.”

Could she be some sort of head craftman then? Why would they be in the kitchen?

Following the directions he decided to go and he opened the kitchen doors. It wasn’t one of the major hours for meals, and he’d passed the general mess kitchens already, no this was the private kitchens for the people who ran the central Keep of Skyhold.

And at the moment there was only two women in it, and a very odd boy, whom he immediately forgot. Although not fully the hat. It was hard to forget that hat. The two women were cooking. One, a cheerful looking young woman who seemed a touch older than the dark haired man outside described. She was directing the other girl who was whipping eggs until they looked more like some sort of cream sauce. The other girl was even younger, with straight hair that half covered her face and an odd starburst mark blurring her skin.

It all smelled very sweet in the kitchen. 

“Right, make sure to mix that into the batter, just put in a spoonful, fold it in and add another Elen.” The first woman was saying and looked up at Stone “Hello there. Who are you?”

Stone seemed a little loss for words at the moment, he cleared his throat to speak when the boy he’d forgotten about started to speak.

“Small tiny. Innocent. Smells like apricots.”

Stone blinked, startled. The woman pushed back some curly hair, managing to smear batter along her cheek “Don’t mind him,” she said and came around the table to look him over “Are you lost?”

“Um, no.” he managed, his voice rumbling, he glanced up as it looked like the weird boy was going to speak again, but the other girl suddenly flicked out with her spoon and a bit of batter hit the boy who complained and instead the two seemed to be deep in conversation.

It was weird, it seemed the girl never spoke, but he could almost hear her responses to the boy in the way he spoke to her.

The small woman next to him rolled her eyes and walked up, hooking her arm in his she drug him further into the keep. There was a open area outside the kitchen, some sort of small hall that was not currently in use. “Right, so, you were saying?”

“Stone. I am Stone.” He finally put in hurriedly before anything else weird could happen. “I heard that the Inquisition had need of experienced craftsmen, so I came up.” He held out his referrals “The other head craftsmen said there was no work and a fellow in the stable with a black beard told me to come in and talk to you, I think.” He added lamely at the end.

She took the papers and was looking them over. A couple she immediately just shuffled behind the others and the one she did start reading he could watch her slowly sounding out a couple words silently. “you seem to be rather highly recommended. I wonder why the others did not snag you up?” she commented, paused, looked up at him and seemed to notice his horns and looming height for the first time.

Which was an odd feeling, those were usually the two qualities that people noticed before anything else about him.

“Never mind, well we are trying to better things here, but I cannot always make people stop being racist pricks. As it is, you have more than enough references. I will definitely find you a place. We could use someone with extra skill. How are you at garden renovations? The walls in the courtyard gardens need a little work.”

“Um.” He was starting to wonder just who he was talking to. “Who are you?” he asked.

“Helen, well, I prefer being called Helen, but I also get called the Herald of Andraste and Inquisitor.”

Holy shit….

“Right, so head back to Blackwall, the guy in the Stable you talked to. Tell him to help you find a spot to store your stuff and I’ll get someone to show you around.” She smiled at him brightly “Welcome to the Inquisition Stone.”

“thank you” his voice was unusually small, and he was pretty sure it cracked. His voice hadn’t cracked since his preteen years.

She just grinned cutely at him and left him standing there.

“Don’t worry, you get use to it.” He turned to see the odd boy leaning against the wall by the kitchen, head tilted until all he could see was a tiny part of his lower face under that hat.

Stone edged himself nervously around the human boy and fled to the stables.

He was wondering if perhaps he should just load his ass on his horse and head back out of these mountains and perhaps somewhere that made more sense.


	20. part 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Hawke

“If it is who I think it is, Cassandra is going to kill him.” Liliana said and Helen felt very confused.

With things going crazy, new information coming in, various things happening, Varric suddenly came forward to tell Helen that he had invited someone to talk with her.

Someone who knew a little something about Corypheus.

Which was good right? But her advisors were acting strange. She covered her mouth and sighed. Varric said to meet him up in the battlements. That he had someone for her to speak with, whom he’d asked to come and had finally arrived.

The way everyone was acting, she had a strong feeling that something was happening that she had no clue about and no way of figuring out either. She sighed and figured she’d get this over with.

Heading down the stairs from the grand hall she stopped as another figure walked through the front gates.

For the moment Varric forgotten she rushed down the stair.

It had been almost two weeks and she’d given up that Solas was ever going to come back.

He hardly registered the girl tearing down the stair before she crashed into him her arms around his chest in a tight hug. “I was afraid you were not going to ever come back!”

Solas was startled, but after a moment he smiled softly and hugged her tightly back “I apologize Inquisitor.” He said softly.

“Da’len” she responded, pulling back and glaring at him. “You call me da’len”

Touching the side of her face like she was something dear he kissed the top of her head “Yes” was all he said.

“Where did you go?” she asked him, feeling endlessly like a child with Solas, but in a way, she really didn’t mind. He was like the eldest brother in her little family. Always looking out for her.

He drew back and crossed his arms, “I took a walk, went to places both here and in the fade, where I once talked to my friend. It was no longer there of course, but energies stir, and perhaps one day something my replace that void.”

She was quiet, digesting his words and then spoke softly “it’s the same when all things die. Someone may come along later that fills the same hole, but its never the same person.” She looked up at him and his sad smile was all the answer she needed as he nodded slightly at her.

“Are you going to stay?” she asked him feeling very small.

“Yes, you need me for now.” He sighed “it, has been a long journey, I will retire to my work, if you need me.” He told her.

She stared at him and he tilted his head. “what is it?”

“Why are you being so cold? You don’t have to grieve alone.”

“It.” He paused and shook his head “It has been long since I felt I could trust anyone,” his smile was slightly strained as he said softly to her “I just need time to think.”

She nodded “I won’t go away” she told him.

“You and I should talk later, about what you experienced when you locked eyes with the demon that was once my friend.” He told her.

“She was still your friend. Even in that form. She trusted you to free her.”

That made his lips draw tight “My friend didn’t have a gender, spirits are not like mortals.”

Helen shook her head and rubbed her face “When I became her, she took on qualities of me. So, her.”

Solas didn’t look comforted. “We will definitely need to speak about this. Do you have time?”

Helen remembered what she was suppose to be doing “Not right yet, I have to go meet Varric and his friend.”

“Friend?”

“Yeah, he told me he invited someone who knew a little about Corypheus.”

Solas’ lips pulled into a sudden wide smirk and he looked more like the friend she knew “Has our Lady Seeker heard yet?”

Helen looked at him irritated. Did everyone know who this person was but her? Solas chuckled at her irritated expression and reached out to ruffle her hair, which made her flap her hands at him to make him stop, as she was trying to make herself look a little nicer, less like the kitchen maid and more like an Inquisitor.

“Come talk to me when you are done, if you don’t have to go rescue Varric first.” And he walked on by her, she watched him go up the stair. After a moment she sighed and headed for the walls, heading up to the battlements.

She found Varric talking to a man.

“Here she is, Hawke, this is Helen the Inquisitor.”

The man was bearded, he looked tired and as Varric stepped aside, Helen went over and sat on the wall looking at him. He paused and leaned against the wall.

“Varric told me that you don’t have many memories. Do you know anything about what happened at Kirkwall?”

She shook her head “Sorry, I think I have heard your name, and apparently if you are the right person, Cassandra is going to murder Varric.”

“Thanks for the warning” Varric said where he was leaning against another part of the wall and he stole a bottle of drink that must have been one of the guard’s lunch.

“Its almost odd hearing someone who hasn’t heard of me. Almost refreshing.” Hawke said.

“I told you she was a cute little thing.” Varric said and then threw in for Helen “Hawke here faced, and killed Corypheus once before. “

Hawke just shook his head. “And from what I hear, she dropped a mountain on him. Not really sure what I could add to things.”

Helen bit her lip and looked at the man, he seemed so tired. “Well, any information you can add, it would be welcomed. Besides, Varric said you killed him, it’s a bit more than I managed.” She said softly with her arms crossed staring down at the ground. She could feel a cold hand of a shudder down her spine.

Hawke softened looking at her seeming so very small at the moment.

“So what happened?” she asked him.

“Varric and I had a run into him, he was controlling a group of Wardens.”

“He somehow used his connection to the darkspawn to get into their heads.” Varric added.

“If the Wardens are missing again.”

“We only found one,” Helen nodded.

“Then Corypheus may have control of them again.”

Helen grumbled and flopped her chin into the palm of her hand, her elbow on her knee. “Lovely, so, more trouble.” There had been red Lyrium, Helen wasn’t sure what Lyrium was in general other than templars used it and the red stuff was ‘bad’ according to Varric.

There were those who had it growing out of their backs when they attacked haven.

“So do you have any leads for us? Something that can help us get to the bottom of this?”

“I do have a friend, among the wardens. He was researching something for me that is unrelated to the current situation. By the name of Stroud. He was held up in a smuggler’s den in Crestwood. “

“If all the wardens are gone, would he still be there?” she asked him.

“I hope so.”

She thought a moment “Then, as soon as we are able we should go meet this fellow. See if he knows what is going on with the Wardens. I think Blackwall would like to know.”

“I’ll go tell the Nightingale.”  Varric said and left.

Helen kicked her feet as Hawke leaned over the wall. “I use to have a view like this” he said softly, “After a while though, I stopped seeing anything but all the people I failed.”

Helen smiled slightly at him “I know the feeling.” She said softly. “I’m not a good hero, and yet I’m the one everyone looks to. I’m, so afraid.” She said pulling up her knees “I got to see what is at stake for the future if we fail, and I cannot let that happen.”

“Your conviction does you well.” He told her. Then he turned to stair back out. “It feels almost like another world, before I rather fell into being called a hero. Before that I was just trying to save my family, and then after. I have a whole city looking towards me.”

“I seem to be stuck with a country or two and they seem to be ready to put me up for deity-ship.”

He chuckled “It’s not easy being the savior.”

“Does it ever get easier to get use to?” she asked him.

“I’ll let you know.” He responded.


	21. part 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> figuring out what happened during Faded for Her

Solas was looking deep into Helen’s eyes when Varric walked in, either walking through on his way somewhere else, or to bother Solas, it was hard to say. But the sudden chuckle made Helen blink and Solas turn with an incredibly irritated expression.

“I didn’t know you felt that way about our Inquisitorialness” he responded.

Solas rolled his eyes at Varric. Helen kicked her feet, she was seated up on Solas’ desk and leaned forward. “Something weird ended up happening when we freed Solas’ friend, he’s just trying to figure out just what happened and if we can control it.”

Varric suddenly frowned in concern “What happened?”

Solas sighed and leaned against his desk near Helen “For a moment, Helen became the demon.”

“WHAT?! Like possession? She was possessed?”

Solas held up a placating hand. “Not that way, more as if Helen was able to possess the demon’s mind, instead of the demon possessing her. In short, she became the demon, not the demon becoming her.”

Varric relaxed back into confusion but shook his head “I don’t understand.”

“It was as if I saw everything about her. For a moment, we were both in such shock that we were both frozen until Solas set us free.”

“Chuckles?”

Solas sighed and looked rather sad. Helen leaned over slightly and rested a hand on his shoulder. “My friend, begged for death. It had been so changed and hurt by what the Mages had done, that once we were able to reverse the process that made it a demon, the Spirit could not continue, in any world.”

“He set us free.” Helen stated again, firmly. Solas gave her a slight smile.

“So, the Inquisitor BECAME the demon and when you destroyed it, she returned to herself?” Varric seemed to be trying to put the pieces together.

“Essentially.”

“That is absolutely fascinating.” Came a voice from the doorway, Dorian made himself a grand entrance from the stairwell heading up to the library, “Sorry, just hard not to overhear and thought perhaps another mage’s point of view might be useful.” He said cheerfully. Solas looked more as if he was going to just shoot them all if more people kept inviting themselves into the conversation.

Helen grinned at Dorian.

Varric though seemed to spot a problem, and was getting worked up again “Ok, so if she becomes the demon, and we kill the demon, WHAT does that do to the Inquisitor?” he asked, more like demanded.

Dorian had come over and was making a show of looking Helen over, much as Solas was, but more playfully as he kept going to make her giggle until she was slapping at him to stop.

Solas’ irritation looked as if it was going to be staying now, “This is what I was trying to figure out. Just how much does she retain of the being after? Was there any damage to her either physically or mentally when they were forcibly separated?”

“Is it possible she can use this as a weapon against any further demons in the future?” Dorian threw in cheerfully “So, any desires to become an Arch Demon?” he asked Helen who snorted at him.

“Even if it is possible, I would not recommend such actions.” Solas said grimly, “We have no idea what this could do to her mind over the long term. Will she become more and more like a Demon herself? Will we lose over time the parts that make her Helen?”

“What about Cole? Could she end up taking over him?” Dorian asked.

“I haven’t yet.” Helen responded, “And we spend a lot of time together.”

Varric grinned a bit “He talks about you often.”

“I like him, he… made mistakes but he wants to fix them and he wants to help. He’s kind, and he’s been very good for Elen.”

“That is a conversation for another day.” Solas did not sound approving, at all. Helen blinked at him startled and frowned. But before she could say anything Solas went on with his thought “I think in Cole’s case because he is unique, he has a body he manifested himself, he’s not like a summoned spirit. It gives him certain autonomy of freewill.”

“Thus rendering him immune?” Dorian finished.

“Indeed. Its hypothetical, it could also be intention on Helen’s part as well. Since in the case of the Spirit of Wisdom she had wanted to stop from hurting people and itself, but Cole she is rather fond of and does not wish to hurt.” He tossed in. “It is why I am giving her an examination, to see if I can figure out just what did happen. If this may be an anomaly, or if it is something we must be careful of.”

“Look deep into my eyes Darling” Dorian teased Helen as he turned her chin to stare. “Interesting. Do you know you have a rim of green at the edges of your irises?” he told her.

She pushed him away “Dork.”

He posed dramatically “I am crushed.”

“If you will excuse me.” Solas said darkly at Dorian as he shifted to put himself between the Trevinter mage and Helen. “I have actual work to do.”

“Oh excuse me your Highness,” he mocked cheerfully.  “If you need a second opinion from a real mage, do come look me up Helen” he said as he went up the stair. Helen had a feeling he would be listening in.

Varric seemed as if he would hover, but as Helen gave him a smile he sighed and shook his head “Well keep us all informed Chuckles.” 

When Varric left Solas glared in general towards the top of the rail and the growing audience. “Let us go for a walk.” Solas said irritably and picking up Helen’s cloak he held it for her.

She sighed, shrugged it on and followed him.

They did not go that far, just started down the path away from Skyhold for a little ways. Helen kicked at clumps of snow. Her toes a little chilled in the new boots, but with a slightly oversized pair of woolen socks she could still wear the elven made boots Solas gave her, and not have to worry about too many buckles or laces. Josephine had promised her a bit of a new wardrobe, made up of garments that hopefully would be easier for her, without sacrificing appearances. But the garments were on order and likely would take time. Short of letting her go for much simpler clothing, which Vivienne would not hear the like of. Helen was the Inquisitor, thus she had to match that of her social peers.

Helen just rather felt a bit like a doll, at least no one seemed to mind her face paints. Or at least, attempted to complain too much about it.

But with the fact that she’d been starting to see some of the lords and ladies around Skyhold mimicking her paints, who knows maybe she was starting a new fashion.

Solas took them to a clearing, the snow was packed well enough that they didn’t sink too badly into it, and it had handy places to sit.

“Now that we are further from overly curious intruders, why don’t we start again?” he said and she sat on a flat boulder. He was close enough for her to pick out every facet of his irises.

“What are you looking for?” she asked out of curiosity as the look went on. Well into what would be considered more than vaguely uncomfortable if she did not trust him.

“In part, been looking to see if I can find any pieces of my friend left in you. Looking as well if there is any apparent change, or damage to yourself as well.” He sighed and backed off, “What do you remember?”

She shook her head, pulling up her knees “Not a lot, a few vague images, mostly feelings. She was… sad. Sadder for you than herself. “

He stared at her for a long moment and gave a slight smile. Helen for her part was staring down at her hand, “Right before she passed, she said one thing to me. It’s not a dream.” The shock had been too much at first, the full feeling of being someone else for a moment, too many images, too many thoughts, and all of it unfamiliar to her. But one thought kept surfacing and resurfacing.

“That is rather, vague. What is not a dream? Something to do with those last moments?” he asked.

Helen shook her head “I don’t think she was talking about that. She knew that what was happening was real and she wanted to die. From the moment we got there she wanted nothing but death to end her pain. No, it feels like she was talking about me and if it’s true, then… it is a terrifying thing.”

Solas paused in what he had been going to say. Instead he sat next to Helen and looked down at her “What was she talking about?”

“My nightmares.” She whispered lowering her head and shuddering.

“The ones with the breaking glass?” he asked her.

She shook her head, then paused, “Maybe, but I kind of figured those might be memories, not dreams, something trying to get through of what happened to me before the temple of Sacred Ashes. No, I have been having these dreams since Haven.”

He watched her and when it looked as if she was not going to talk more he spoke “You have not been mentioning trouble sleeping past your usual, just what sort of dreams?” he asked her.

“I keep reliving the attack on Haven, only this time, it doesn’t end like before. I… don’t escape. I manage to wake up, but its, getting harder. Since that incident with the Spirit, the dreams have backed off, more of a vague annoyance, but I can feel them, as if someone is pushing against me and trying to get in. Trying to… put something inside me.”

Solas had gone incredibly still the more she spoke, after she finished though she felt a strong arm pull her against his side comfortingly. “If this is true, then we can very likely set up wards, we can protect you in your dreams.” He told her. Helen relaxed, he believed her. The only thing that kept holding her back this whole time was that she would be told it was just a dream that it would go away. That she just needed to grow up. She knew she was being silly, but she couldn’t stop herself from worrying.

“Next time you start having disturbing things recurring, tell me. I promise, I will not be little you da’len.”  

She smiled, the first time since he got back, he called her da’len again. At least he had not tried returning to calling her by her title, he at least used her name. He understood how important it was for her, to help her stay grounded, to not be overwhelmed. To have at least one person who called her by her name.

But she found she liked also being his da’len, it made her feel not alone.

Slowly she was building a family. But even among family there were those whom one grew closer to than others.

And for Helen it was Solas. Was her feelings more than familial? She wasn’t sure, but the Elf made her happy, made her feel safe. She didn’t feel she had to pretend, yet he still held her to standards. Poking and prodding her to become more. Without hanging expectations upon her.

He made her calm.

Which with everything going on, the panic the horror and the expectations of everyone around her, she needed that calm. Helen needed that place she could hide as the storm raged around her.

“I talked with Liliana and Josephine this morning.” She said with a disheartening sigh. Solas chuckled at how she drooped.

“Just what could be so that you are telling me now rather than letting me hear through the rumor mills?” he teased.

She made a face “I need to learn how to dance.” She knew a dance, but it was one she did in her own room, hands moving, feeling like she was telling a story with every placement of foot or twist of hand. But she had seen dancing at some of the other parties she had come through. Either to talk to someone else or being drug there by Vivienne. While she was usually kept in conversation, and able to avoid the dance floor. The dances they preformed were nothing like the one she knew.

“Dancing? Is that all.” He stood up and a slight shift in his demeanor, and with an elegant bow he held out a hand to her. “Perhaps then you will allow me to be one of your instructors?” he offered.

She grinned at him, his smile filled with mischief which she seldom seen. Usually only when she met up with him in the Fade or he was about to drop a really sly sting of wit upon one of the others.

She accepted his hand and he deftly spun her across the snow, for now this was more play than real instruction, but it relaxed Helen and she giggled as he dipped her dramatically.

“So what brings upon the need to learn to dance?” he asked her.

She made a face, “Apparently we can’t just send a message to the Empress telling her that Corypheus is going to kill her, but we have to go in ourselves to stop it.”

He parted them and then slowly started her with a real few steps, getting her to follow him. It felt so easy, at first he took her through the steps, slowly and with more than enough distance that she could watch his and her own feet. Then as he took her through the steps again and again, he sped them up and brought her closer so that she couldn’t look at their feet.

“Ah, the Game.” He chimed “Such a mix of intrigue, sex, desire and death. I’ve watched it often from the Fade, endlessly fascinating. Watch your footing, a little further to the left and remember you are gliding.” He corrected her.

“Might be fascinating to watch, but I’m about to be flung headfirst into the deep end and I don’t know what the undertow will be like” she told him grumpily but did correct her steps.

“You are picking this up quickly” he complimented her, “In general the best advice I can give. Look endlessly amused and if anyone asks a question, reply with another question.”

She snorted “Would they see though that?”

“I would not know, how long could you keep it up?” his pale blue eyes almost seemed to sparkle at her.

She saw what he was doing and pulled a face at him. But she laughed, feeling lighter than she had in awhile.


	22. part 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making friends with Cullen

Cullen was backing very slowly out of the war room when Helen came up to it. The hall had Stone currently repairing the stonework. He had taken out most and was actually installing window arches. There was a lovely view of the mountains, and from this angle not really a huge worry about someone trying to fire artillery into the wall.

Perhaps a dragon might be trouble, but then if they were dealing with a dragon they had greater concerns than a couple windows.

“Commander?” Helen asked as he closed the door. He half jumped and looked back at her. Then reached out and snagged her wrist and tugged her down the hall after him “its too dangerous in there. Liliana and Josephine are arguing about dresses.”

She followed Cullen and blinked “Dresses?” she asked.

“They have the entire table covered in sample swaths and more gemstones than I thought our treasury held.”

She blinked, wow that had to be impressive!

“And we are leaving?” she asked him.

“Because I am not going to see you subjected to their machinations.” He responded simply.

“You are going to protect my honor?” she asked with growing amusement.

“Your sanity” he corrected with a grin.

“That bad?”

“I don’t know, how do you feel about heels?” he asked her.

Helen pulled a face and Cullen laughed “What I thought.”

“So where are we going?”

He paused once they reached the grand hall and then nodded “Do you play chess?” he asked her.

“Solas showed me.” More it felt, reminded her. Once he showed her the pieces and the way they moved she found that she knew the layout, though the board was just a little different, some of the pieces didn’t go by a name that felt right, it still played the same.

She promptly beat him for two games.

But not a single one since. It was annoying.

“Oh good, then join me for a game. If we are taking a moment, then it’s less likely that those two will come hunting for us.”

“How is the planning for the ball going?”

“Oh we have the forces ready to put into place, we have as much done as we are going to be able to do. Josephine has gotten the invitations, and other than you will have to choose who goes into the inner party with you, we will have all our people in place. Ready to act, as soon as we have a target.”

She nodded slightly “Ok, so then what’s with all the fabric and shoes?”

“This will be a masque ball as you recall.”

She nodded “Solas is teaching me to dance.” She said in response. Cullen paused raising a brow, they had reached the gardens, to one side there was a table set up for those who wished could play board games. He held a chair for Helen and once she was sat he sat cross from her.

“Solas? Where did he learn to- oh never mind, likely one of those fade things?”

“He finds the Game rather fun to watch.” At the same time, he was … rather practiced for someone who only watched, but Helen figured if there was more to it he would tell her eventually. She wasn’t going to pry into her friend’s personal life.

“Glad someone does.” Cullen muttered and set up the board for them.

Since Helen had first move she debated before she placed her first piece. Testing out what sort of player Cullen was.

A good one as it turned out. Solas was a little more sneaky in his plays, but Cullen was willing to sacrifice even a highly placed piece if it would force the move he wanted from her.

They played in silence for awhile. Helen pulling on her lip as she considered her move.

“It is one of those moments when I remember that I know so little about you.” Cullen responded suddenly.

Helen looked up at him and then back to the board, she made her move. “Well you’ve known me since the Temple, and that seems to be nearly all the ‘me’ there is to know. I don’t even know who I am. I mean, I know my name, but not much else.”

“Yes, but there are things. I watch you walk and its like someone who dances, who is athletic, but at the same time you are not a runner nor a fighter. You are graceful.”

She grinned up at him “are you flirting Commander?” she asked him.

He coughed “No, I um…” he debated the board for a few moments while he got his blushes under control.  Helen grinning at him like a cat who just landed in the cream.

“Really, no I just wish I knew more about who you are.” He finally managed after he made his move.

“Me too. I, like cats. This.” She indicated her face. Today’s design was very simplistic. Just the outline of black around her eyes, striping her lips and a few dots of color put in under her eyes along the top of her cheek bones, “feels like something I did often, but I don’t know for what. Was it ceremony? Fashion? Or just me playing around? Why is this something I remember but if I have a family or parents, community… I don’t remember any of it. Why is it I had to learn to read Fereldan and still learning Orlasis, but I can read and write, just not with symbols familiar to anyone here. I remember dancing, and I do dance sometimes, but nothing like the dances Solas is teaching me.”

“Oh? What sort of dance is it?” he asked her.

She titled her head like she was trying to think “It’s like, telling a story.” She decided “Each move has meaning, has reason and thus I can tell a story, about lost love, about grief. The sorts of stories told are simple. More emotional.”

“Huh, I would like to see one of these dances sometime.” He commented “It sounds fascinating.”

She gave a half grin and moved a piece “check”

“Wait, what... SHIT!” and he concentrated on the board for a bit.

“What about you? The only things I know is what people have told me. And I know very little about my advisors, other than how you each decided to come into service.” She commented.

“Well, not much to say” he told her “I told you back before Haven fell what I was doing before I became the Commander of the Inquisition.”

“How about before that, or even now. Do you have a family?” she asked him “Friends outside the Inquisition?”

He paused his hand hovering over the board “Well, yes. I do have siblings.” He told her and made his move “I use to play with my sister like this.” He chuckled “She would always wear this smirk every time she won, which was all the time. So my brother and I spent weeks practicing in secret.” He looked up at her with a wide grin “The look on her face the day I finally beat her.”

Helen grinned widely, though as she thought about it, if asked if she had a family she honestly felt a hole. Did it mean she had one but couldn’t remember? Or perhaps was she an orphan? She didn’t know. It made her feel envious.

“Do you write to them?”

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck “Well, admittedly I am not the best at correspondence” he told her. “Recently I received word from my sister, she is… well understandably upset with me.”

Helen raised a brow “And have you written her back and apologized?”

“Eh… not yet”

“Seriously?”

“Well, trying to think of what to say is always difficult” he admitted.

“Hi, I’m still alive. I haven’t been eaten by a dragon and most you have likely heard is exaggerated?” she responded drolly.

Cullen laughed “That would be a good start.”

“Family is important.” She said softly, “Its, hard to explain but there is a concept in my head that forms when I hear ‘family’ it’s more than just the people you are related to by blood, it is your community, your friends, it is all the people who work together to make things better.”

Cullen stared at her, watching her stare down at the board. She was intent on the pieces, but she sounded so wistful. “Rather it sounds, like the Inquisition.” He said his voice lowering with a sudden understanding. He moved his piece “Check”

She shifted her piece and leaned back “And no one gets left behind.” She told him looking up at him. “No one. I failed my family in Haven, because I was too scared and didn’t know what was going on. I will not fail any of you again.” And she made her final counter move “Check and mate.”

He had been for the moment trapped by her gaze, feeling something so much further than just this quiet and charming young woman. When she called game he realized that this was the Commander he had searched for. Someone who didn’t see her men as disposable. Who saw the board in its whole and saw, people.

“Shall we play again?” he asked her.

She grinned at him, suddenly looking young and impish “If you want to lose again!”

“Oh, we’ll see. I think I see your strategy of play.” He told her.

“Ha, I’ve been playing these many months against Solas.”

“We’ll see if Solas has been a worthy teacher then.”

And they set up the next game.


	23. Part 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief moment to think and a conversation about the roles as bad guys in stories

So much to do. So very much to do. The Inquisition going from one end of Thedas to another, and Helen being taken along for the ride. They were only at the moment passing through the Planes, on their way to a hot dessert. She wasn’t looking forward to heat and sand in uncomfortable places.

Crestwood, had been enlightening. Soul crushing as well. The Scouts said they were going to find the Mayor, Helen almost rather hoped he managed to get away.

So many deaths, so many horribly sad losses.

And red Templars.

They were becoming a problem. A rather big one too. As well as the news of the missing Wardens.

“Interesting place to find you.” Solas’ voice said and she glanced up, the mage was knelt beside her. She looked up past him and to the statue she’d been leaning against.

“I like wolves.” She said softly.

He smiled at her, “Even if this is a Dread Wolf?” he asked her.

She snorted “Everyone always make them the evil in every story. But, I …” she rubbed her head “I have memories of leaning against warm fur and listening to song….”

“Do not push yourself too hard da’len. It is quite alright.” He told her reaching out to brush back her hair.

“Who is this Dread Wolf? The statue doesn’t look so dreadful, he looks pretty.”

Solas chuckled at her and looked up at the statue as well, “Elvhen gods.” He said it a little differently, “The stories change over time, morph into new forms that suite whatever ideal the people want or need at the time. It’s a wonder if the gods that they serve were even gods at all? Perhaps they were spirits”

“Like Cole?” she offered.

The smirk said he approved of her reasoning “Or perhaps they were just powerful mages, or even something else all together.”

“And this fellow?” she asked pointing at the statue.

“He is called the Betrayer, it is said that he trapped the other gods away, or that he tricked them into trapping themselves.”

“why?” she asked him looking to the ground.

“Why what?” he glanced at her.

“Why would he trap them? What did they do to need to be locked away?”

He was silent, but for the sad smile “That is a good question, is it not?” he stood up and held out his hand “Come on, we should get back to camp. The sun will be down shortly and we have at least another week of travel, barring too many distractions along the way.”

She took his hand and when she stood she stopped “Dance with me.” She asked him.

“Now?”

“I need the practice and I could use the distraction.” She responded back.

He smiled at her and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head “Very well da’len”

And they danced around the clearing in front of the statue of Fen’Harell.


	24. Part 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> getting people who are angry at eachother to make up is hard

“You know, this is like a bad morality play.” Dorian said suddenly as they cleared the ruin to see at least two different giants. “Trying to turn Giants into slaves? This is going to end so wonderfully.”

“I have sand in my shoes again.” Cole commented, ignoring the giants everyone else was watching.

“Darling, we all have sand in places we would rather not mention.” Vivienne commented off handedly. Which made Cole blink at her, because it was likely the most civil thing she’d said to him the entire trip.

Cole wasn’t the only one to blink either.

She just stared back at them all daring them to say anything.

Dorian cleared his throat “The Giants?” he reminded everyone.

“Shit we can likely just push them over and sit on them.” Bull shrugged.

“Still disappointed we didn’t fight the dragon?” Dorian smirked.

“We could have taken a little time!”  

Helen sighed. “Well the idea though of moving the sand under their feet. Anyone can manage that?” she asked the mages.

The three mages in the group started consulting eachother. Varric stood beside Helen and smirked “So, bets on how long before this devolves into a catfight?”

“I give them 5 minutes” Cassandra commented.

Sera snorted “As if, I say 2 tops!”

Helen smirked, and grinned when she saw Dorian and Solas trade a look. “30 seconds” she said and started counting back.

“If you are right I will give you 5 royals right off” Varric commented. Helen just grinned wider still counting down. Sera joined in.

“3…2…1” the pair finished.

“Oh of course Madam Vivienne.” Solas said overly dryly “We can likely just put Dorian out there as a shiny distraction and use your hat to shift the balance of the whole world.”

“Oh? The unwashed apostate hobo is going to offer suggestions on fashion now?”

“Come now Vivienne, his plan has merit”

And off they went. Starting with Dorian and Solas ganging up on Vivienne, then Dorian switched sides. Before all three just devolved into name-calling with words that Sera had to keep asking Varric for the definitions for.

“I swear, it’s like they are just making this shite up now.” Sera said after a little while.

Helen was just grinning impishly at Varric who rolled his eyes and handed her five royals. She happily pocketed the money.

Cassandra grew tired of the whole thing “I am too hot and tired with sand in places of my armor that will take weeks to clear out, if you three do not come to some sort of consensus soon, then I will personally bury all of you!”

All three mages went silent and blinked at the Seeker who glared daggers at all of them.

“Well, if we do not need necessarily magical means to shift sand, we could plant a couple bombs under their feet, with all the hilly dunes it will likely make the sand move all on its own.” Varric offered.

“Oh, the drawf offers a plan now!” Dorian crossed his arms.

“Well admittedly listening to you three snark at eachother was too much fun to miss out on.”

“Well with Vivienne’s hat, we would already be well on our way to being court jesters” Solas stated with a tiny smirk.

Vivienne must have been short tempered as all she did was glare as if she would set him aflame with a look instead of saying something.

“Oh how about we just go out there, knock the thing to its knees and beat the shit out of it?” Bull offered up to everyone.

Solas seemed tired of arguing, he just nudged Dorian who nodded and the two of them focused a spell.

Suddenly there was a hole under the giant and the men who had been directing it.

Shouts and screams. The two mages released the spell.

And the men were buried alive, the Giant trapped with only one arm swinging angrily.

Sera’s eyes were huge. She was visibly shaking. Helen touched her lightly and the girl shook her head “Freaky shite mages!” she shot at the giant, trying to put an arrow in its eye.

Bull just broke into laughter and went running down to the field.

Vivienne called the smirking mages show offs and stood aside for this battle. For the moment, all that was needed were a few heavy hitters like Bull.

Blackwall just eyed the damage, eyed Dorian and Solas “Remind me, never to piss any of you off.” and he pulled his own sword heading down to help cover Bull.

“Well… that was… Impressive.” Cassandra threw in. She decided to just hang back. Partly to keep an eye out and see if the other group further away noticed what was going on or not and decided to come their way.

Cole twitched, but kept to Helen’s side for the moment, and Helen was going through her bag “I really am going to have to take some time to mix some new potions. I have no more fire bombs, the bees are all dead.” She was still disturbed by the man who presented these things to her. But it seemed for everything else he thought of, the suffocating heat of the dessert was more than a match for a bottle of live bees. “I’m down to about eight healing potions, plus the poultices that Stitch sent with me.”

Dorian snorted “Well save the poultices for Bull, he’ll drink those down.”

Helen sighed and shook her head. “I have no more lyrium potions at all.” She said. Those were the most difficult for her to make, she didn’t know why. Just put a few ingredients together, it should work. But the mages all told her that her’s had weird effects and didn’t work quite right. Oh, they got the job done, but last time she brought any of her own making, Dorian cast a fireball that turned into a fiery nymph like creature that took them forever to settle down after the fight and eventually managed to banish.

Solas said that somehow Dorian managed to give a spirit of Passion the form of fire. Which the elven mage was still trying to figure out how that managed to work at all.

Helen would like to know too.

So since then she avoided making anything that was meant to be a magic booster of any sort and the alchemists were the ones that made those potions, she just made sure she carried a few. Dorian was vocally the most grateful for her decision to not attempt making anymore lyrium potions. As he put it, “having one’s spell decide it wants to get touchy feely is more than a little disconcerting, especially when you start smelling burnt hair.”

Varric was checking his Bianca and looked up “Well, does seem that the other group finally noticed. Think you two could pull that drop the earth out thing again?” he asked the mages.

“If Madam Vivienne wishes to lend her aid we might manage something, otherwise, neither Dorian nor myself have the strength to pull that little trick a second time.”

Vivienne’s voice was as arched as her brow, “Oh? So you great mages would need my help now do you?”

“Only if you can bring yourself to do so.” Dorian tossed in.

She stood very straight and seemed to decide to take the choice out of others hands, she turned towards Helen.

“Well then darling, since you are technically in charge here, I will do what you think is best.”

Helen had to fight to keep herself from grinning, but she did manage a credibl attempt she hoped of sounding serious “Well, at the moment with the supplies running low until we can reach one of the official Inquisition camps, anything that will help us not have to fight a dangerous battle would be of a great boon to all of us.”

“I see, then it is very well.” And she turned to lend her strength to the other two mages.

The hole that was dug this time was decidedly bigger. When it sealed back up there was nothing to be found of the giant, or its captors.

“Well then, if that’s done with. We should get going. Bull Darling!” she raised her voice walking towards the group still fighting “Do finish up quickly, the Inquisitor is getting sunburned and that will hardly do.”

“Yes Ma’am” bull shot back contritely and stopped playing with the giant. He took his broad ax and stuffed it between the eyes of the beast. It let out a single scream before it died.

Sera came over and poked it while Bull pulled out his ax. She put an arrow into its eye just to be on the safe side.

Helen just rolled her eyes at the group and once they were gathered Cassandra pulled out her map and consulted it “If we do not have more distractions, the place Stroud told us of should be that direction.”

“Well, I don’t think closing a dark spawn hole and uncovering red lyrium shipping plots as being a bad distraction.” Varric said blandly.

Cassandra shook her head “That is not what I meant Varric. I-“ she stopped and looked at the dwarf. Then firmed her lips and said nothing.

Helen sighed and rubbed her face in mild frustration. Those two had been at odds since before leaving Skyhold. Several arguments and Cassandra trying to put a knife into Varric, Helen had managed to get them to talk it out, at least a little, but both of them were angry and had hurt feelings.

A lot of hurt feelings.

Helen looked down at her hand and wondered how different it would have been if Varric had given Cassandra the information she had wanted, if Hawke had been at the conclave instead of Helen? Would he have gotten the mark?

He likely would have been a better choice. He had experience, he had a name already.

She felt a hand touch her elbow and glanced to see Varric looking at her, his expression was soft as he said “You have been a good choice for this. I wouldn’t back anyone else.”

She gave him a bit of a smile, in this, he always seemed to know what she was thinking.

“The Seeker just, needs a bit of time. She’ll get over it eventually.” He told her.

“What about you?” Helen said back softly.

“hey, I’m a dwarf. Like rock. Stubborn but I’ll give too sometime. Just, yeah.” He crossed his arms and looked off in the direction of Cassandra.

Helen frowned and then while they walked gave Varric a one arm hug. He just chuckled at her and shook his head. “I’ll be alright.” He assured her.

Helen figured she was going to have to find some way to fix things between those two. If only because she needed both of them.

She didn’t like seeing her friends at odds with each other. Not like this.

They reached the camp and Helen caused general giggles when the girl decided to just flop herself into the small oasis spring that the camp had been set up next to. The canyon walls made for a cool bit of shade in the dessert and caused a bit of a wind tunnel effect bringing a delightful breeze.

The forward scouts gave their reports and it was up to Helen’s group to decide if there was much they themselves could do, or what should be sent off for the rest of the Inquisition to handle.

“At least we seem to have inadvertently took care of the darkspawn problem on the way here.” Helen said, that ruin seemed to be from the right general direction the problem had been coming from.

“We should meet up with Stroud and Hawke. They are likely at the location we came to inspect.” Cassandra said.

Helen sighed, but she at least was given time to change into dry fresh clothing. She picked something in lighter material than her travel gear. More akin to the mage’s robes, only with a bit more protective padding.

When she came out of the tent she saw several arguing over a map. She came over to see what was going on.

“We should put another base camp in this area, it is close to where we are to meet up with Hawke and Stroud, if we set up here we should be able to finish and rest there for the night.” Varric was saying.

“we have an adequate camp here and its not that far.” Cassandra was arguing.

“And you expect a girl who has barely managed to withstand the cold around Skyhold to put up with this heat? Have you noticed our Inquisitor isn’t a soldier?”

“Well she’s not some wilting court flower!” Cassandra shot back.

Helen came and looked at the map that they had out and reasoned “well, it seems like it would be a good central location for our own troops to be able to move to and from as well.” She said hoping to stave off arguments. Or at least further.

Cassandra stopped and stared at Helen then honestly looked at the map “Besides, we can drop our stuff there and not have to take it all the way to the meeting point. We can travel lighter, faster and with less unnecessary gear.”

The seeker’s lips pulled into a tight line.

Varric for his part managed not to smirk.

“I’m not taking either’s side in this matter.” She assured them “But we do have to set ourselves base camps if we are going to be taking this area away from Corypheus. We already had a first hand run in with his forces in those ruins! They are trying to find something and that is dangerous. We have to find out what he’s after. What he plans to do now that he doesn’t have this” she held up her hand. “And if that vision I had of Redcliffe is true in anyway. That future is fast coming upon us and we are running out of time. Please, will the two of you just, kiss and make up or whatever!”

Cassandra spluttered and Varric started laughing “I think she meant that figuratively Seeker” he  told her.

“Well I don’t know, you two always seem so close.” Dorian threw in snarkily, “Seems to be quite a theme in some of your books.”

“Do not confuse me and that hack who write hard in hightown 2!” Varric said a little irritated.

Cassandra sighed “She is right though. I’m… sorry Varric.”

Varric just stared at her for a long silent moment then said incredulously “What was that? I don’t think I heard that Seeker.”

“I said I’m sorry! Don’t push your luck. I… understand why you said nothing. You were Hawke’s friend, not mine. You had no reason to trust me and, I have you even less reason to trust me.”

Varric was quiet for a long moment “I can’t say I was sorry for not telling you, because I’m not. You know as well as I, if Hawke had been there at the conclave when the explosion happened, he likely would have died.”

The woman seemed to sag, but she gave a slight nod.

“So, are we going to move our shit or what?” Sera tossed in, breaking the tension.

“Yes, we’re moving our shit.” Helen snorted at Sera who just smirked at her when both Cassandra and Varric seemed to relax and began working again.

Helen sighed. She looked towards the sky for a little strength, which of course was when a dragon flew over. “Oh fuck me…”

“OH YEAH!” Bull cheered.


	25. part 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I always loved making friends with Bull...

“What… is this?” Helen stared down dubiously at the large mug put before her. It was of a size to look huge in Bull’s grip, in her’s it was an obscene soup bowl.

And it was filled with something absolutely vile smelling.

“Maraas-lok” he told her and tipped back his mug.

She stared for a long moment and wondered if she was about to put her life in his hands, or if perhaps she should have let that dragon finish taking off her arm.

Carefully shifting so that she wouldn’t accidently bump the wrapped arm she did her best to tip back the mug.

And nearly spilled the rest of it as the coughing fit set in. “Fuuuuck” she managed to rasp.

Iron bull for his part just started laughing and refilled the mug.  “I know right? It will put some chest on your chest!”

“I don’t think I need more chest…” Helen wheezed.

He just laughed at her and took another drink from his mug and refilled it again, “To killing dragons like legends of old!” he crowed. Getting a few grins around the bar.

Helen was so very unsure of all of this. Whatever the stuff was it was going right to her head. “Drink!” he tapped her mug with his own and she managed to lift it without thinking too hard and this time managed not to spill the mug all over herself and the bar.

Though she still coughed. She turned and tried to focus on bull, who was happily raving about the battle with the dragon. She just rather thought the two of them remembered it rather differently. Helen spent the entire time terrified and running in circles while being chased by angry dragon. For whatever reason, instead of focusing on the people actually attacking it, the beast decided to focus all its attention on Helen.

Who really had not wanted to be there.

What started as a thing with helping a stranded scientist finish his studies about dragon behavior, turned into ruining ancient ruins and dodging both dragon and traps. Trying to not step in an old rusty trap, dodging falling blocks of stone AND a dragon was what ended with her feeling like she was going to lose her arm when the beast grabbed her.

Solas threw a spell that made the creature let go, and Bull had charged in, ax coming down onto the creature’s head.

Bull said something that wasn’t in a familiar language and she blinked at him over the mug “Tasha-?” she tried to say the word he said, but knew her tongue was not co-operating and mangled the phrase. She heard him say that before, during the fight. Several times in fact.

He repeated himself, slower this time. “It means I will think about this with great respect later while I bring myself sexual pleasure.”

She stared at him. “You… Shouted THAT while that thing was breathing fire at us?”

He cracked up like what she said was pretty funny. Tipping back his drink, coughing a bit himself as he inhaled at the wrong moment.

Topping off the mugs he just grinned at her, “to the Glorious ones! Ataashe! “

She had so many questions going through her head at the moment. Wanting to ask him questions, but all she could do was stare down into the cup of horrible booze and say softly “And to the hang overs in the morning.”

Bull just laughed at her, patting her on the back “To dragons!”

\--

Stairs, nope. Not going to do that shit. Helen instead managed to crawl her ass to the fire that Varric usually worked next to. She managed the first set of stair into the grand hall and the idea of walking the rest of the way to the door that leads up several  flights of stair to her own bed, was just too much to contemplate.

“Sparkles?” she glanced up from the chair she’d taken over and blinked fuzzily at the ginger dwarf staring at her with amusement.

“If Bull…” she paused trying to keep her thoughts in order “offers to drunk something that smells worse than piss. Run”

Varric laughed at the drunk girl. Surprised she managed to put a semi coherent thought together. “Come on, we can’t leave you in the grand hall. People will start talking.”

“Dunwanna do stairs. Too high, I’ll throw up.” She complained “arm hurts. Fucking mug heavy.”

Varric just seemed amused but he did check her arm. Solas had done a lot in the field, and over the time it took to get back to Skyhold, but it had been a bad injury. And to the marked arm too. She wasn’t in agony as she had been. Which he was glad of.

Varric didn’t like getting the reminder just how young she was and how much younger she seemed than when she was trying not to cry or scream. Instead looking at them with huge pleading eyes.

No blood, no visible strain, likely she was just tired and drinking half the night with Bull did not help. Varric had had the particular beverage bull liked pulling out for special occasions before, and he knew just how it could mess with a body. Usually though it would kill just about every nerve. So it spoke volumes of how much pain she was in that she still felt the pain in her arm at all.

“Here” he offered and levered her to her feet “lets go see Chuckles, maybe he can mix up something for your arm.”

“He’s going to be mad…” she muttered “make that frownie face.” She pointed to the center of her brow and wrinkled it. “complain about not being dignified or some such rubbish.”

The author laughed “Well, possibly.” He admitted. But he did get the door opened and walked in.

Solas was seated at his desk and shifted to turn and look at Varric came in. “Oh..” and like Helen predicted, his nose wrinkled with a frown. “What did you do to her?”

“Not me Chuckles, our little Sparkler here is a light weight and not usually fond of heavy drink. Blame Bull for this one.”

Solas’s rolled eyes was expressive but he stood and went to the lounge chair that currently been covered for some time while he’d been working on painting the walls. He pulled back the drop cloths and stepped back letting Varric lay down Helen who curled into a miserable little ball of very drunk inquisitor. She was holding her arm.

Before Solas could start trying to reprimand someone (and likely Varric) for the state Helen was in, there was an unnerving flash from her palm.

Both looked towards her.

“What was that?” Varric asked sounding understandably nervous.

Solas knelt and gently took her hand, carefully running hands that glowed with faint energies to ease her discomfort. “The Anchor is starting to get worse again.”

“We closed the breach, wasn’t that suppose to fix things?” Varric asked.

Solas shook his head “I do not know. None of us know anything about this mark and what it does to her. When the breach was spreading it was making the Mark infect her blood, not all that different from the red lyrium if one thinks about it. But now? I do not know what’s causing the flare. It could be something to do with the nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Varric was staring intently at Solas who sighed.

“She… has been suffering from nightmares about the events back in Haven, when she helped me free my friend.” He looked up at Varric “My friend informed her before she died, that her dreams were not just figments of her mind and the fade that they were real.”

“What? She was reliving the attack of Haven? Like in the fade?”

Solas paused and shrugged “I am not fully sure. From what little I could get her to talk about the events in her dreams.” He was quiet for a long moment “She doesn’t escape from Corypheus, and it appears as if he’s been attempting to, infect her, with something.”

Varric didn’t say anything. When Solas looked up the dwarf looked both angry, and shocked. “What? The fucking bastard been attacking her in her dreams? And what have you done?”

“I have been since she actually told me what was happening warding her dreams. Protecting her the best I could, but she was the one that didn’t wish to scare everyone with the information.”

“And you didn’t think that maybe possibly we should KNOW what was going on with her?” Varric demanded, he was growing very angry.

“What could you have done that I have not already done? Everyone puts so much pressure upon her to be more than she is. To be the Herald and the Inquisitor.” Solas’s voice never raised, but it was clear this was bothering him greatly. “She is young. She is not a fighter yet she fights with every bit of strength she has. She holds this force together with nothing but hope that maybe we can stop this madness before it consumes the whole world. She has no memories of her own. None. Everything she was is blocked from her. Which in large part is why she seems so young. All she has to work with of who she was are memories that act through muscle and unconscious recall, her oldest memories. How she got here, what she was doing, even her own family name? She knows none of this.”

“She likes cats.” Varric said softly and leaned back against the desk. “And we have been dragging her from one end of Thedas to the other without hardly a complaint from her.”

“Do we have a choice?” Solas asked, under his hands she settled, he took the drop cloth and half pulled it over her. It wasn’t ideal but it was what he had for the moment.

“No, we don’t.” Varric said softly “But, might do for us to remember how innocent she is. I think I will go talk to Bull about trying to draw her into drinking matches in the future.”

Solas nodded and stood up, “let her sleep, I’ll prepare something for her in the morning.” The one good thing about this situation was that very likely she was much too intoxicated for anyone to attempt to navigate her dreams enough to attack her this night.

So perhaps, she may find peace in the void.


	26. part 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of hangovers and broken doors

Helen opened one eye, well attempted to anyway. Gummy and feeling like hooks were in her lids still forcing them closed she managed to reach up with a free hand and rub at her eye enough to clear some of the gunk.

When her blurry vision slowly focused the grinning mustache before her made her grown, close her eyes and turn to attempt to pull the bit of light cover over her head “go ‘way” she didn’t want to be teased by Dorian right now.

The other mage laughed at the girl. “I’m not here to tease you dear, but to bring a gift.” He said.

She peeked out of her roll of blankets distrustfully.

“come out little one” he cooed at her “I have a lovely hang over remedy put together by Solas for you.” He held up a glass.

Dorian had been ready to pull back, but the girl moved with shocking speed. His hand was empty of the cup before he could finish the sentence.

He made a show of checking to make sure he had all his fingers while she tipped back the drink. The face she made said that it tasted about as bad as it looked, but the easing around the edges of her eyes spoke volumes of how well it worked.

“Huh, I’ll have to tell our apostate mage that I underestimated his abilities.”

“And said apostate mage will also tell you that he will not be making anything to cover your indiscretions when you over indulge.” Solas’s voice stated as he came into the room. He dropped a stack of papers and books on the desk, adding to the already cluttered and growing pile of research.

Dorian did his best pout. Solas was obviously not impressed.

“Oh fine, be that way. Cruel and unusually unkind.” He said overly dramatically.

Solas just snorted at him and Dorian chuckled as he took the empty cup from Helen, who seemed to have dozed back off to sleep. “So, was that something in the mix that caused that?” he asked in curiosity.

“More likely it is just an effect of how tired she is.”

“Poor thing.” Dorian agreed and stroked back a bit of her hair before tucking the cover around her shoulders.  “We barely stopped for breath since getting to Skyhold. And here she is, making judgments, running at the drop of a pin to close the next rift. I wondered how long she could handle it all with that smile in place.” He was staring down at her.

Solas looked up at the other mage and wondered how much he understood.

“Well, at least she has me to keep things looking good.”

Solas snorted and shook his head “Don’t you have better things to do than get in the way of my research?”

“Oh, no, nothing at all. Do carry on my lord. I’m sure its fascinating. I have a bit of my own work to get back to as well.” He sighed “If only I could find the proper book. The library here is impressive, but its missing too many basic tomes and what little it has from the Imperium, is sketchy at best.”

“Have you talked to that archivist about finding other texts?”

“Oh yes, but still waiting I’m afraid. With everything going on, getting things shipped reliably has been problematic at best.”

Solas nodded “If there are any particular texts you have need of, I will be putting in a request for a few particular tomes myself. Might see if there is something we may find while traveling.”

Dorian nodded “True,” he agreed “Well, I am off, try not to miss me too much.”

Solas only said something that could possibly be translated as rather rude.

Dorian just grinned flippantly back at him and went off.

Once the other mage was gone, Solas moved over to check on Helen. The girl was sound asleep. Her face relaxed in actual restful slumber.  He stroked back her hair, double checking the wards he’d placed on her mind.

Once he was satisfied with her safety, he went back to his desk to sit and read.

He raised a brow when he felt something bump his leg and looking down saw a rather jaunty little grey kitten, with a kink in its tail from being broken at some point. It looked up at him. Mewed demandingly and then hunted about the room a bit before deciding to crawl up onto the lounge that Helen was on and curled up next to the girl. Giving a large yawn before tucking its nose under its paw.

He snorted at the antics of the animal and looked to see where it had come from to start with. He saw that the door heading out over the walk towards Cullen’s tower office was open.

He shook his head, went to the door and tried to shut it.

It got stuck on the cobbles and refused to budge.

Solas frowned and examined the doorway. He was still examining it when Varric poked his head into the area. Likely to see how Helen was doing. “What you up to Chuckles?”

“The door has decided it will not close.” He said as he tested the hinge.

It came undone “I am not entirely sure that this was accidental.”


	27. part 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making friends with Vivienne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been taking a bit longer with this little set up story than I meant to. But in this bit I decided to really do a little time building up her relationship with Vivienne. Its rather weird that I and my fiancee seem to be minorities in that we actually like the icy mistress of magic.

Helen was getting very tired of having someone with her constantly. She couldn’t even spend time in her own room alone.

Currently her babysitter was Vivienne.

Helen had great respect for the woman. She held a lot of power and from all Helen had learned this was not an easy task. Especially for someone both Mage and a woman.

Helen sort of got a pass, she had powerful people around her who already had a lot of respect. She had a skill that so far, there was no one else who could even come close to repeating.

Vivienne had none of that when she came to power. She got where she was because she was smart, beautiful, and utterly ruthless.

Vivienne had work to do, so Helen currently leaned against the railing overlooking the grand hall. She was trying to read, a book on court manners that Vivienne had given her to read. But there were a lot of big words that the girl couldn’t really pronounce let alone read easily. She’d gotten to the point of pretty much giving up finishing things. So she was trying to not look like she was watching the other mage doing her own work.

Outwardly calm, Helen was fairly sure she managed to start to find the woman’s tells as Varric would say. The tiny line between her brows, the ever so slight pull of her lips. The way she kept reaching up to tug slightly at her ear with every turn of her pages.

“What is bothering you?” Helen finally asked, setting the book down.

Vivienne glanced up at Helen startled. “Oh nothing to worry your pretty head about, Darling.”

“You only pull at your ear when something is bothering you.” Helen pressed. She needed a distraction. With everyone trying to figure out what was going on. It wasn’t just the one door that had been off its hinges. Every lock was half jammed. Not enough to seem so, but if someone tried to shove the doors hard enough they could easily break the faulty locks.

Other things were found. Small faults and inconsistencies. Someone was trying to seriously undermine the defenses of Skyhold. Just were not trying to make it seem like it was done. The missing hinge on the door in Solas’ space had been a mistake.

Thus why Helen was here where Vivienne did her work and not back in her own rooms. Her space was currently being gone over with a fine tooth comb. From what she was told they already discovered several worrying things.

“It has nothing to do with the current situation in skyhold.” Vivienne assured her. She calmly put away what she’d been reading, it appeared to be some sort of letter.

Helen got up and walked over to the mage “What is it about? Something I can help with?” she did her best to look pleading without trying to look too desperate.

Vivienne looked askance at her and arched a brow. Helen did her best to look cute and innocent.

She saw when Vivienne caved, with a sigh the woman made a general wave in the air “there is a spell I am currently working on. I need the heart of a snowy wyvern. I had some help arranged to retrieve the heart, but with all that had been going on,”

“The people you hired can’t do it?” Helen finished.

“Yes.” The woman sighed.

Helen thought about it “Well, with all the hunting going on here, and everyone’s fear of my safety, why don’t we take a party out and see if we can retrieve the heart for you.” She said.

The mage looked at her surprised. “You would do that? For me?”

Helen smiled “you’ve more than proven yourself as part of this Inquisition, you do everything you can, you’ve given up your position in court, so much of your own life and goals to help us. It’s the least we can do is help you with something that seems to mean an awful lot to you.”

The other woman was still as carved marble for a few moments and then spoke. “Well if your advisors think it is worth it. As you are still recovering from that ill advised dragon.”

“No more dragons.” Helen crossed her chest. Vivienne seemed a little confused by the gesture, but got the idea of it.

“Well then, we should go and talk to our Commander about the feasibility of making a little expedition. Perhaps, while we are out, there are a few other little tasks I would like to see finished if we may.”

Helen just grinned at her, glad for the excuse to get away for a little while.

\--

With the work, not everyone of her inner circle came along. And as neither Varric nor Solas were able to make it, she asked Cole to stay behind as well. The young man still made Vivienne uneasy and without the other two or Elan to keep him stable, she didn’t wish to be the peacekeeper the whole time. But it meant she was down two of her rogues, leaving her with only Sera. Who was enough of an issue with Vivienne. As the two delighted in nothing but tormenting each other the entire trip whenever they were partied together.

Vivienne seemed to get along well enough with the other fighters. She held a strong respect for them, but mages like Dorian and Solas she did not care for, and while she seemed to even like Varric, Cole terrified her and Sera annoyed her.

And sadly at the moment, Sera was her only archer and her only person who could pick a lock. Helen could, sort of. If it was a simple lock and she had long enough to work on it. Plus Sera could help Helen make the potions that came out too odd to be useful.

Aside from Sera and Vivienne, she had Dorian and the fighters. Cassandra made it clear she was not letting Helen out of her sight and would be doing her best to make sure Bull didn’t talk the girl into any inappropriate ideas.

Blackwall seemed as desperate to get out as Helen was to get away.

At least Sera would listen to Blackwall, the two chattering about various things. Helen was glad that it looked as if the pair were friends. Blackwall kept to himself too much, and without a stabilizing force in her existence Sera got herself into too much trouble. So with bad jokes and dirty songs, Sera drew Blackwall out of his shell, and with a few well placed words and a look, Blackwall got Sera to behave. At least some of the time.

Then Bull was easy going enough that he got along with everyone. Since the dragon, he was also obviously going to make sure he was between Helen and whatever oncoming threat there was.

It also seemed while they were out they were going to be looking into a few other things, besides fetching items for Vivienne as busywork.

Before they left Cullen had taken Helen aside.

He had explained about Samson, about what the man had done in the past, about his addictions. About the various things he’d been looking into since discovering that the man had been working with Corypheus since Haven.

Helen had honestly not remembered who’d been there with Corypheus during the attack, but she trusted Cullen to know what he was talking about.

So if there wasn’t a great amount of risk, if she was in the area and able to do so. Any information they could discover about what Samson was up to, it would help.

If she could find out what Corypheus wanted through one of his generals, it would go a long way towards ending this mess.

She was more than willing to do so. They still also had a short window in which to work as well. As once they returned, they had to go to the winter ball.

The other purpose of this trip, allowed Vivienne to have Helen’s full attention as she did her best to guide the girl through the manners and guile of court.

At least in that, Helen was able to somewhat impress the woman. Solas was being a rather thorough instructor. His way of teaching her was more playful, he made it feel more like a game, and one she could play to not just advantage, but for amusement.

Vivienne treated the game as a battle. It was all tactical advantages and pitfalls to avoid. While the circle mage found it fun in its own way, she was much more cut throat about things.

It was another viewpoint. So Helen did her best to take it all in.

At least this visit to the Exalted Planes didn’t involve any being knocked out from staring too long at a demon.

It did involved a warm, wet, sticky marsh.

Too many large evil minded reptiles.

And a fucking dragon.

Bull was buzzing with excitement beside her as they overlooked the area searching for their quarry and he spotted the dragon not that far away. At the moment the beast was napping half tucked into the muck vary far from their spot and not at all interested.

“Please Boss” Bull half begged.

“Bull Darling, we are here foremost for the wyvern, after we kill that beast I’m sure we can accommodate you in your little dragon hobby.”

Helen narrowed her eyes and half rubbed her arm.

“Yes ma’am!” Bull said with a grin and he was much more focused on the task of finding the wyvern.

“Don’t worry my dear.” Vivienne said to Helen softly. “Long as you stay back, you shouldn’t be in any danger from the dragon. Plus the promise of a treat keeps Iron Bull motivated.”

Helen sighed “Well, as long as I don’t end up dragon bait this time I will be very pleased. What is with everyone’s excitement about battling huge monsters that want to eat you?”

Vivienne laughed “Oh, maybe someday you will understand the appeal child.” She said sweetly.

Helen wasn’t sure if that was just a statement or not. But she saw a pale form move out of the corner of her eye and turned her head “There it is. It just went behind that outcropping” she pointed.

The wyvern came around the other side.


	28. part 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finishing of Vivienne's personal quest.

“I am so sorry dear. At least this one didn’t get hold of you.” Vivienne was saying with some amusement over the rather disgruntled and incredibly dirty Helen.

She was just reduced to general glaring at everyone. Part of the group at least looked a little guilty about the whole mess. The rest just looked amused or in the case of Bull was still riding the high of killing a dragon. Helen was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be coming down any time soon. She was just going to make sure to avoid any cups of suspicious beverages he may try to hand her.

It had started alright. They got the wyvern. Cleared the area of most the monsters and she found a rather decent blind to hang out in while the others took care of the dragon.

Which part way through the fight the dragon had caused a gust of wind strong enough to throw off the cover of her shelter.

And of COURSE saw her.

Instead of going after the people actually trying to kill it, it decided to try and chase her.

Helen only escaped because she tripped, fell, and slid right under an outcropping, and was able to pull herself into a tiny dank, disgusting and foul smelling hole while the dragon was charging the water with electric power and her friends were trying to kill it.

They spent a bit of time trying to find her, but it took awhile to get her to even be willing to come out. When she did half the group started laughing at her.

Apparently she appeared to have green hair and black skin.

They were walking back towards the encampment.  Helen refused to talk to anyone. She was still pouting, partly from fear partly from embarrassment.

Vivienne pursed her lips at the girl for a moment then smiled at her as they walked “You know darling, now that I have the final ingredient for my potion, perhaps you would like to join me? To see things through, you’ve been a good friend to me, even if I didn’t do my best to be one towards you.”

Helen looked at her and sighed then gave the mage a small smile “Well, long as I get to bathe and change clothing.”

“Indubitably.” She responded dead pan. “But after, perhaps you will let me take you shopping. I know some tailors in Val Royeaux. We can get you a few new garments. Something befitting your position as Inquisitor, and perhaps, with a few less buckles.” She admitted at the end “Constantly running about in elven footwear, what there is of it, really isn’t befitting dear.”

Helen did like the idea of maybe getting some new outfits to wear, and Vivienne had taste, but the same time, she liked the shoes Solas gave her! They were comfortable, didn’t take much to fix for cooler weather and she liked being able to feel the ground under her feet.

“But I like my shoes. They aren’t elven shoes, they are my shoes. I wear them.” She responded.

Vivienne paused and suddenly laughed “That is actually a rather good point. Well maybe we can get the cobbler to make something in the vein of the style then”

Helen blinked, she had not actually expected Vivienne to give in so easily. She looked at the woman who just smiled at her “Dear, you have done so much for me, and if adjusting a pair of shoes to be more comfortable for you, it is the least I could do.”

Helen grinned back and then felt a ping of mischief “Careful what you say, I may just decide to hug you.”

The look of horror that crossed her face had Helen laughing.

“Now don’t be mean, I would hate to have to have these robes burned. I’m rather fond of them.” She did grin back.

\--

Helen was silent as she watched Vivienne mourn. The woman sat at the end of the large bed, holding the hand of the man she had brought Helen to see. Since there should not have been any real danger, the rest of the group had opted to head back to Skyhold, leaving just Vivienne and Helen.

As the silence stretched Helen finally made herself walk over to Vivienne and she just rested a hand gently on the woman’s shoulder. A silent understanding.

Vivienne reached up and took Helen’s hand, squeezing it back as she took a breath, shuddering and long, as if she was gathering in her courage, and her will. She let it out in a sound not unlike the one that the man had released moments before.

“We should go, there, is nothing here for me now.”  Helen only gave a silent nod and when Vivienne stood she hooked her arm into the mage’s and gave her a light squeeze before letting her go.

Vivienne looked surprised, but smiled slightly, “Why don’t we go do that shopping I promised you?”

“We don’t have to, we could go back to Skyhold,”

“Nonsense!” Vivienne said but she softened seeing the girl’s expression. Reaching out to stroke back her hair like she was a small child, “I could use the distraction” she said softly, “I, have many things I will have to do. Letters to write, people to notify.  Let me have this Inquisitor.”

“Helen.” She responded back promptly “You are my friend, you get to call me Helen.”

Vivienne smiled at her and said “As you wish darling.” She said sweetly.

\--

Helen spent most her time listening. Sometimes during the course of shopping or their trip back to Skyhold, the circle mage would tell Helen about Bastian. About how they met, some of the things they got up to. The sort of persons Bastian and his wife had been. About his children. Helen really was learning about the woman. It was the most she ever gotten from her about herself.

They also talked a lot about circle mages and the towers.

Vivienne was definitely in a much more open mood with Helen and more willing to listen to some of the ideas that the girl had begun to entertain.

“No, I do agree that we need a place for mages to train, but I do not think it should be a place of fear for some but not for all. Your tower seemed fairly nice, but what about others? I’ve talked to so many of the mages from Redcliffe and while the vote had been nearly divided, the things that happened to the mages, how they were treated, the abuses, and well. Yeah, I heard some really horrible stories.” Some of which still had her skin crawling.

Especially what happened to those made Tranquil. She could never make anyone like the woman who took care of the animal research for Skyhold, or some of the others who did various tasks.

“But at the moment what better do we have? Let everyone continue on as they are now? With no guidance or watching eyes for those that wish to abuse their powers? Magic is a tool darling, and much like fire if it is not properly handled will burn the user.”

“It is true. If you think of magic like a blacksmith’s forge, when you know what you are doing you can shape amazing things. From horse shoes to swords. But I do not think it should be something that is treated with fear. If you are too careful then you will only learn to make a couple things well enough in a forge and never try for anything new. Yes, you can make a useful sword, but without love and enjoyment of your craft, will you make that sword beautiful?”

Vivienne opened her mouth then closed it again.

“We can’t let fear of getting burned from stopping us from trying to make things better.” She added. “What I am thinking is changing how the towers are ran, so that every tower can be a place of shelter and learning. Not of fear.”

“And what would you do? Take away the templars?”

She shook her head “I think the templars need to be changed just as much, but having someone who can kill a spell gone wrong is useful. I think though that they shouldn’t be given such unleashed power over their charges. Because it leads to too many just joining to be bullies. “

“At the moment I am not sure how you would do such a thing.”

“Well, I thought lead by example. “ Helen said with a smile “we have that one large tower, you can see it from your balcony. Plus we have a lot of mages with us still. So, lets organize the tower into a new circle. We will set the rules, and how the mages and templars are treated in respect to each other.”

Vivienne was silent for a long time before she spoke “This idea, has merit.”

“I’ve been talking with Cullen, there is…” she rubbed the back of her neck “I think that there is something there with the templars, that has nothing to do with Lyrium. I want to try testing it and I think this might be a good way to do so. “

“I am not sure I get what you are meaning, dear.”

“Its, this song. I can hear it. I hear it in the Templars and in mages. I hear it in the wardens” and it was odd that Blackwall’s song didn’t quite match with that of the wardens they had met recently. It was strongly similar.

But didn’t sound so, hurt. Strained. Blackwall’s song was clear, but there was something else there. Something she couldn’t put her finger on, like a discord, a single instrument not playing the same tune as the rest.

Of late the feeling she had of hearing music with the people she met was getting stronger. She still seldom got chances to think too hard about it. Especially as they ran from one side of the continent to the other.

But now she was having time to think about it. She also figured she should talk with Solas and Dorian as well, either of them might be able to offer her an interesting viewpoint, or especially with Solas he might know what it is she is hearing and be able to explain it to her.

But at the moment, she had Vivienne so she would ask her.

“Song?” Vivienne arched a brow delicately.

She thought a moment how to explain it “I hear music, all the time when I’m at Skyhold, the music there is… changeable, but it tends to incorporate the other songs and make it all whole. Out here though the songs are more scattered. Just, people, sometimes places. You sound soft, but strong, like silk wrapped around a knife and delicately strumming a lute. Solas is always so, full… There are a lot of complicated songs with him, but they blend together. Not unlike Skyhold actually now that I think about it. Dorian is loud, flashy, but with a dark undercurrent. And it’s not just the mages I hear, I hear the templars, and Blackwall. Cassandra has a single pure note that plays. Piercing and full. I’ve been wondering, because the only other person I hear mention about songs connected to people is Cole.”

Vivienne had been listening politely an with interest but shuddered at the mention of Cole. “Why do you keep that abomination around? I admit it is useful.”

“He.” She said cutting the other mage off before she could get going on her complaints, “He is more than useful, he is my friend. Just like you.”

“You can’t be friends with demons.” Vivienne said disaprovingly.

Helen sighed “Maybe because he’s not a demon, he’s a spirit. And if you could hear the song from him that I hear, I don’t think you could ever be afraid of him. But, let’s not argue about Cole right now, it’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

She sighed and nodded “Yes, about this song. I can say that I have heard of mages who describe that they can sense magic as music, but usually I don’t hear them describing it quite like you dear. Plus, you are not a mage.”

Helen tucked her chin in thought “I can’t do what you do, or Dorian or Solas. But there are things I can do. Yet there is the fact as well, why can’t I brew a potion that works like it should? All my potions do strange things, or new things, yet I made them exactly like the ones the alchemists make.”

Vivienne’s frown pulled a slight line between her brows as she thought the problem over. “Perhaps darling, we should focus a little time on what you can do, over the months you have been doing admirably, but it is true. You are developing abilities and doing things that a normal person should not be able to do, if it is connected to the mark we don’t know. Perhaps this connection to the Fade has opened some sort of channel in you that effect how you perceive the world”

“But, can it affect how I effect the world too?” she asked.

Vivienne was silent for a long moment as they went along before she spoke again after careful consideration “Either way actually it would affect many things. Just hearing the song changes how you treat the people around you. How you perceive them. Past that, I wouldn’t worry too much yet. Unless you start exhibiting magic, we should not think too hard on the details until we have more time to devote to the study.”

Helen nodded, falling silent as she thought.

“I do have to say the new garments are quite charming.” Vivienne commented suddenly, changing the subject, likely to try and keep Helen from falling into a brood this close to home. They would be coming up upon the small budding town springing up at the base of the trail to Skyhold within the hour. As it was growing dark Helen had posed the question of if they should spend the night and go up the rest of the way in the morning. Mostly the save the horses. The road was being expanded, but with snow still falling enough to cover the path, unseasonable snow at that, but it lead for the footing to be tricky at times. The village did its best to keep the way clear, but Helen wasn’t wanting to risk their necks and the horses.

But she did smile at the compliment of her new clothing. They felt nice. Cut in loose lines that didn’t cling to her. The best thing she liked were the pockets. Many pockets. Useful for keeping potions and other useful things she needed for her journeys.

And the cobbler had been wonderful over her desire for a shoe that was both comfortable, didn’t constrain her feet, and she could pull on and off easily. What they gave her was a variation upon the elvish design. With more of a sole, and pretty straps that were decorative and once in place she didn’t have to mess with.  They were not part of keeping the shoe on. It was a good shoe, and she already gotten a chance to test how fast she could move in them as she and Vivienne been forced to take on a –thankfully- small group of red templars.

“I like them” she said. The fabrics where pretty, soft and moved well with her form. She also had a very nice set of leather armor for heading out with the group. Padded in the shoulders and with a wide belt to protect her vitals. Guards for her arms. It was heavy enough to help deflect a blow, but not so heavy she couldn’t scramble if she needed to.  Of course Vivienne made sure it was all made of the finest materials available. She spared no expense.

Helen was in love with the pouches on the belt. Four huge pouches that she could stuff all sorts of bottles into. More than enough for just about anything they went up against that she could keep her friends moving and on their feet.

Which was handy if Bull kept insisting on going up against every dragon they came cross.

“And you look like the Inquisitor my dear.” Vivienne said fondly. “Afterall,it will not do to have you mistaken for the common rabble.”

Helen frowned, “But, I am common, at least, I think I am. I’m pretty sure if I was a princess or something I would have known how to buckle my own shoes.”

“Not necessarily.” The mage said amused, but shook her head “No matter the issue of your birth my dear, you are not in a position to be the social equal to even the Empress Celene. People will come to you for solving matters of great importance, they will expect things from you and if you do not match that appearance, then it could ruin you, even as you defeat that Darkspawn.”

Helen sighed “So, I can’t just be considered eccentric?”

“Oh you are most definitely that, and you I trust to not just keep up with fashion, but to set your own standards.”

Helen wiggled her toes and thought about it “Yeah, I think I would have fun doing that.”

“I would enjoy seeing it.”


	29. part 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elan and Cole being cute, Solas up to something.

Elan didn’t have much to do with Helen gone. She could only clean the other woman’s room only so many times before even spiders found it better to not bother at all. She was walking by the kitchens when she saw the cook humming happily to herself as she peeled turnips. So very different from a few months ago when she was making it fade hard on the other kitchen workers.

She tapped the wall to get the cook’s attention. “Oh Elan!” the cook smiled for the girl and indicated a tray. It had several different plates on it. “If you would be a dear and carry these up? This one will be for Varric, this one for Solas, he told one of the girls he had a taste for fish this morn, and this one if you would carry it up to Liliana. Lady Josephine already fetched her own Tea earlier.”

Elan examined the plates and frowned slightly. As there were three cups of tea with them. She looked up at the cook with a raised brow.

The cook sniffed, “I made him fish. I do not care what the elf has to say about tea.”

Elan sighed, but took the tray, when she cleared the kitchen she made a fast dash into the side storage. There were several bottles of wine there, so she looked for one she had seen Solas getting several times. The cook might have lighten up and was being nicer to her staff, but for whatever reason, she and Solas went from morning till night over the argument about how the elf despised tea in all its forms.  

She glanced up as she saw Cole appear in the doorway. He just tilted his head silently at her with a tiny smile. She grinned back at him and indicated a bottle that was a little further than she could reach. The young man was glad to reach up and fetch it for her. He didn’t offer to take the tray, he knew she liked carrying it. It was a little heavy, but it was a mark of skill to be able to get up the stair without that much of a struggle.

At the top she walked through the grand hall, Varric had his nose buried in his work. Grumbling to himself over his letters and books. Seemed he was working on something to do with one of the businesses he owned.

She just put the plate next to him so that it wouldn’t accidently end up with an elbow in it or be knocked off the table if he moved. The tea next to it. Cole lifted the little lid off the cup and poured something into it. It smelled spicy. He put the lid back down and tapped Varric, who turned his head and spotted the food. “Hey there kids, afternoon already?” he stretched. Elan waved with a smile seeing Varric shift to settle into eat.

They both entered the space Solas used, the mage currently seated at the desk reading a book. He did not look relaxed, or in any form of ease. Unlike varric he didn’t mutter to himself as he worked. But he got this distinct wrinkle at the bridge of his nose that made him look like he smelled something bad when he was not making headway with whatever he worked on.  Elan put down his plate, Cole added the mage’s own goblet filled with the spicy wine they had gotten from the store. There had to not have been all that much left because Cole left the bottle too.

Else he just thought that the mage needed it. With the deepening frown, Elan felt it might be the case. She was the one to tap him this time, the mage looked up startled, but immediately saw the plate. “Ah, yes, thank you Elan.” She gave a slight bow and started for the stair that would carry her up to the top floor.

“Elan?” she paused and glanced back at Solas “If you would not mind, perhaps you may be able to help me with something later.”

She tilted her head, not sure what she could do to help the mage, but nodded. He just gave her a curt nod in return and turned towards the plate and wine.

Partway up the stair she looked askance at Cole.

The young man just shrugged, he had no idea either what Solas wanted. But he took the moment to pause her and slip honey into Liliana’s tea. She grinned as he added another cup of wine to the plate as well. Likely also honeyed. She leaned up to kiss Cole on the cheek as she trotted up the stair. Behind her she didn’t notice that Cole didn’t immediately follow as he stared after her touching the spot on his cheek.

Liliana saw when Elan came up the stair, so it wasn’t a large production to deliver her tray to her. She just bowed and turned to leave.

“Elan” the girl turned to see what the Nightingale wanted of her.  The woman sipped her drink and then paused, “Never mind, “ she smiled and Elan wondered what was wrong. But she went down the stair. Walking into Cole who’d been waiting for her. She looked at him and then back up.

“Found something, not sure what to make of it. Waiting for more information.”

About me? She wondered.

“Unclear. Too many things crowded together. “

She mentally shrugged. For the moment she was free unless Solas was wanting her sooner. She looked at Cole and wondered what he’d like to do.

He titled his head at her seeming to contemplate her unspoken words. “I need to catch the cats” he finally said.

She tilted her head and asked why.

“Because of the fleas.”

Why?

“They bite people,” he finally clarified. “make them sick, or scratch too much. “

She also heard that some of the soldiers talking about weeding down the population.

“Helen would be sad. She likes cats.” He finished. “I like cats too, but they bat at my feet when people can’t see me.”

She smiled, then we will need to make some repellents, traps, and herbs to put into the rushes.

“But the cats?”

Well that would be trickier, most cats aren’t fond of water.

“I know, one scratched me.” He nodded.

So, they would have to trick the cats into being treated.

He tilted his head.

Cats like mint.

“It makes them dance and play.”

She grinned widely and nodded. And if the area they came to play was wet and damp and filled with repellant?

“It would soak into their fur!” he beamed at her, liking this idea. Obviously he’d been mulling it over for awhile.

She was following him down the stair and almost to the bottom when it struck her as funny, that now people were going to be wondering what she was up to when she did some strange things.

Unlike Cole she couldn’t give a cryptic explanation.

It was going to be interesting being on the other side not having to figure out what the end goal was. Unlike some of the prior things she’d heard and seen him do. She figured out about the playing cats making cook nicer to the maids. She also heard someone talking about the lack of knives on the fighters leading to a decrease in injuries during fights.

She still never figured out the chickens, and by this point she couldn’t get him to tell her either. Either he couldn’t remember or he liked making her figure it out, she couldn’t figure out which, but it didn’t really bother her.

She just found that it was going to be fun not being in the dark. He glanced over his shoulder at her and while she couldn’t see his face too well, she could feel the smile. So maybe, this was just as much for her as for not ending up with kittens bagged and tossed into the river.

When she came down to the bottom floor Solas looked up as the pair entered. He tilted his head.

“What are you two up to?”  he asked them.

Elan just smiled cryptically, at least the best she could be cryptic, it likely looked like she was full of shit. But Cole just gave her a intense look and tilted his head before telling Solas “we need willow herb.”

Solas blinked and seemed to think for a moment before he brightened, “I do know that there is some growing in the Chantry garden. Try not to denude the entire bush, it would likely make the gardeners upset.” He responded.

Cole just nodded and disappeared.

Elan figured since he was likely going to take care of that part, she could find a good place to lure the cats to.

But Solas held out a hand and seemed to want her attention. She looked at him quizzically, as she wasn’t sure what he wanted, he had asked her for help, but she had assumed that was going to be much later, possibly when she fetched his plate.

“If you would come over here, I wish to test a theory.”

Not for the first time she wished she could ask questions, or that Cole had not already left so he could ask for her.

Solas saw her expression and chuckled “It is nothing big, but I have noticed a change in you. I just wish to see if it is something that can be measured, and if repeated examinations result in seeing the direction of the changes.”

She looked even more confused, he just smiled comfortingly at her and indicated he wished her to sit.

With a sigh she did and he leaned close. Uncomfortably so. Firming her lip she just stared firmly back at the mage as he seemed to almost look beneath her skin.

After a few moments he seemed satisfied and backed off. Elan relaxed. She watched him note down whatever it was he saw and she watched him curiously. She wished she could read the marks. He glanced up at her and must have been able to read her expression, “Elan, if you would care to, I could teach you to read. If you will be willing to do as near daily examination I will spend a little time teaching you to read.”

She couldn’t say yes, so she did the next best thing. She hugged him.

He chuckled, “Well since it seems today you are busy with Cole, let’s say tomorrow after tea.” He told her.

She nodded and ran off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Referencing tea, is afternoon meal. The one that would be found traditionally between noon time lunch and a late supper. Which a place like skyhold would more likely enjoy. A dinner would be earlier, usually before sunset, a supper is often after the sun is down and is considered an extravagant thing, as the candles and rushlights that would be needed to light it was not something often afforded to the poorer population. Supper in a farm house would more likely to be a snack around the house fire while people tell stories or repair items before bed.   
> Banquet takes place after supper, and it is usually only done with the rich, as it is often fancy and decorative dishes and desserts.   
> Don't mind me, I cook for way too many period events.


	30. part 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stone has information. Cullen ends up working with the Skyhold construction worker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! 30 parts to this already. Damn..

Stone knocked on Commander Cullen’s tower door. He waited a moment and heard a “Come in” before he was going to raise his hand to knock again.

So he opened the door. The Commander was leaning over his desk, reading over something but looked up at the Vashoth  carpenter as he came in.

“You are, uh, Stone am I right? What can I do for you?” Stone could see that the other took in that he had no tools, nothing about him that looked as if he was going to be working.

“I found something I think you should see.” He stated to the human leader of the Inquisition forces.

Cullen frowned but came around his desk “Just what are you wanting to show me?”

“Do you have anything that doesn’t scream you being the Inquisition Commander?” he asked “We need to go down to the village.”

Cullen stared hard at the qunari and after a moment he nodded. He went up the ladder to his own area and came down shortly in very simple garments, not unlike the plain shirt and pants Stone wore. Although Stone’s shirt laced down the entire front, letting him put it on without struggling with his horns.

Stone looked at the commander frowned slightly and noticed a hat someone left, wide brimmed. He picked it up and stuck it on the Commander’s head, then nodded “Good, this way “

Cullen left a message for Liliana, and followed the carpenter.

\--

“So, why are we playing dice?” Cullen asked Stone, the two of them playing Dice Mills on a street corner. The village of Skyhold that sprung up had started as little more than an extensive camp for the forces that they had been gathering. Many came up to skyhold, as it was hardly more than a light walk up the hill to the castle grounds for the tavern.

Now the village had its own inn, and much more permeate buildings going up. Half the forces and refugees still lived in tenting, but more were moving into the buildings that sprung up. With its own shops and other necessities forming as well.

Stone just nodded his head in a direction, and Cullen discretely looked over his shoulder.

There was another group, playing cards around a barrel nearby.

But he started to notice some of the other details, like that none of them were paying that much attention to their game, he spotted one putting down a rather poor hand and the fellow who’s hand he could see didn’t contradict the claim of winning, even though Cullen knew that the second fellow’s hand was far superior.

Rolling his dice the commander frowned. He looked up at the carpenter who reached behind him and carefully leaned a sword against the barrel, were Cullen could reach.

“Let me see a man about a dog before you clear me out completely.” Cullen stated and got up, going behind the building they played at. He gave a quick soft whistle making one of the ravens that hung around come down to his waiting fist.

From his belt pouch he pulled out a small strip of red cloth. Tied it to the bird’s feet and let it go off to Skyhold and Liliana.

She would be here with forces very soon, and he could trust her to be discrete about it.

Coming back around he got a better look at the other men, and could also find at least two more such groups. This was an ambush.

They appeared to be mostly workers, carpenters like Stone. But it made sense. All the issues coming up around Skyhold, the locks messed with, the doors hinges unsecured.

And entire wall that the mortar had been purposefully weakened.

Who better to do this work than the men and women meant to repair it?

Cullen sat down and while he waited for Liliana’s forced to get into place he tried to figure out why the men were gathering here, it was the main road going up to Skyhold, but no messages came of anyone of importance coming up. Earlier most of the group returned, but informed them that Vivienne and Helen would be another few days at Val Royeaux.  He trusted that Vivienne would send a message ahead when the pair would be arriving.

Unless the message was intercepted?

Cullen frowned. While it was an easy walk, with the constant unseasable snow fall, it meant that at night the road up to the keep was not safe. The village was still only dirt paths, so it was muddy and prone to freezing over at night. No one took horses up the path after dark.

So if the pair were to come into the village near nightfall, they may choose to stay at the inn and come up in the morning.

And if Vivienne’s message of their arrival was intercepted.

No one would know that the Inquisitor was likely walking into a trap.

He glanced at Stone, noticed the pair of hammers at his side, the qunari was dressed in common clothing, but there was an air of restrained violence about him. And for all he had made sure Cullen fit in with the locals, he still made sure the commander would be armed.

Cullen wondered why he hadn’t said anything?

Unless he feared being watched.

Cullen was quiet, watching the situation and rather hoping this wasn’t a trap for himself as well.

The sun went down. By that time the dice mills game was growing. Most were people that Cullen knew, agents of Liliana’s. But at least a couple were Iron Bull’s chargers.

Which of course meant when Bull’s chargers were involved the betting over the game got serious. At least Cullen was holding his own, and not losing too much coin.

The temperatures were just starting to drop with the drawing of night when Cullen saw Vivienne and Helen riding up the road. The pair were laughing about something.

He grabbed up his sword just as the group cross the street moved.

A brief sighting, he saw Cole, and a spell going off was either Solas or Dorian. But the men pouring out of every alley were a mix of either Inquisition forces or of all things, Red Templars.

“To arms! Protect the Inquisitor!” Cullen shouted. Really wishing he wore armor, especially as an assassin threw off a cloak and rose up next to him, blades drawn high.

The blur of stony skin lashed out, twin hammers falling upon the would be assassin. Stone seemed to of all things, appeared almost to be dancing. Constant movement and deadly accuracy with the weapons of his choice, iron mason hammers. Cullen watched the builder fling one hammer, blood soaking the other he pulled from the skull of a man he just killed, then with a graceful flip he went over the fallen form to grab up the thrown hammer from where it imbedded itself into another dead templar.

Cullen couldn’t waist time watching the unusual individual, instead focusing on directing troop movement when he could and fighting off attackers.

It wasn’t much longer before the attackers were routed. The remaining forces attempting to flee.

“Let none escape!” Cullen shouted. He saw Helen well in hand. The girl standing carefully so not to spread the flames she had set to herself. Must be a new trick she picked up from Sera.

Cullen turned his attention to the person he had just thought to be a builder that Helen hired on to the annoyance of some of the other workers who had not wanted to work with a Qunari.

“So, you knew?”

“I heard rumors only.” The other said softly. “I saw signs, in all the repairs I had to complete. I recognized who’s hands were involved. But I also saw that some of our own forces of the Inquisition were also involved”

“So you didn’t wish to risk tipping them off and possibly making the situation worse.”

Stone nodded. He was using a rag to clean his hammers. “When I heard this morning that a group was gathering, and that the Inquisitor was possibly on her way back soon.”

“You put it together and figured someone may have intercepted a message and knew that the Inquisitor would be arriving today.” Cullen finished. The other nodded, tucking his hammers away.

“So you came to me and figured I would start to see enough to make arrangements.”

“Or at least the two of us would be able to get in and defend the Inquisitor.” He added with a shrug.

Cullen rather believed him. With the cover the other had provided, Cullen might as well been with armor. “Why do this?”

“For the Inquisition? You are my employer. For her?” he nodded towards Helen, “She gave me a chance, and always she asks after me when she sees me. She treats me like a person, not part of the Qun which I’ve never been. I am Vasoth.”  And he did his best to avoid Bull. He rather not have someone trying to recruit him if possible. He had no interest in becoming Qunari. He heard stories from his mother…

Cullen seemed thoughtful, “Well, you seem to be a good man, and I am glad you are part of our organization.” He slapped Stone lightly on the arm and the other smiled at him.

“As am I”

“come then, and lets see about getting the Inquisitor back to Skyhold. I’m sure she would like to thank you personally for your work.”

Stone shook his head “Nah, I don’t need recognition, long as I still have a job.”

Cullen laughed “Considering I believe we are down several workers, we will need you more than ever, Stone.”

Stone gave a bit of a salute and wandered off, towards the inn likely to get a drink after the fight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: For those that want to know, Dice Mills (or Miller, there is a couple other variations of the name), is a really old gambling game. Each person rolls a pair of dice and depending upon what comes up they will be able to put a token onto a corresponding number, until all the numbers are filled, or until only one player remains. You have two dice, and the board has 1-12 on it. (there is even a board carved into Notre Dame cathedral played by the workers during construction!) You either choose to do each of the numbers on the dice (1-6) or add the numbers together. Bets are placed as the dice are passed around. It’s a rather fun fast little game and one I greatly enjoy playing when I’m at fairs and SCA events.


	31. part 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three shorter bits together. Enter Dagna, Kihm and an increasingly irritated Solas.

Helen entered the rotunda and looked about. The only person who saw her currently was Solas, no one was leaning over the rails. No one walking by.

She looked at the apostate mage, put her finger to her lips and then crawled under the chair covered with the drop cloth. Completely disappearing. Said made raised a brow quizzically. But smoothed his expression when Josephine came into view.

 “Have you seen the Inquisitor?” she demanded.

Solas lifted his book “I have been rather busy” he responded “I think I heard the door close” he indicated the exit towards Cullen’s tower.

Josephine looked at him as if trying to discern if he was telling the truth, but Solas only showed her a pleasant smile.

After a few tense moments she went running out the doorway. He got up after her and closed it firmly. Throwing the latch with amusement. She would not so easily be coming back into his space.

“It is safe to come out. “ he said turning around. Helen crawled out from under the couch. Looking carefully around and including the railing above. Make sure no one saw her.

“Thanks Solas.” She looked like she was about to take off again, find someplace to hide.

He arched a brow “Da’len” he chided her “Why are you running from your advisors?”

“Um… mix of things, I listened to a bad idea from Sera and Josie’s trying to get me into _another_ fitting for the winterball. I can NOT put up with being fuzzed over anymore.” She whined.

“Bad ideas from Sera? This is going to be something incredibly immature isn’t it?” he said, skipping the clothing, that had been an ongoing battle for some time. Helen hated formal clothing, and the Orlisian court ensembles had her ready to scream.

She laughed and tried to look innocent, which meant she looked anything but.

Slight smirk around his lips he crossed his arms and stared down at her like a disobedient child.

“Oh fine!” she said “We just played a few pranks! Nothing major!”

“Pranks?” any higher with the brow and he was likely to start adding hair to his non-existent hairline.

“Just little stuff, making Cullen’s desk all wobbly and we um… we may have, um, put a bucket of water over Josie’s door?”  She really did look like a little kid at the moment.

Solas was about to start laughing, but instead managed to keep the stern parental  expression. “And I take it the Ambassador is not happy about the bucket?”

“Oh, well yeah but she knows that was Sera, she um... just promised that there will be lots of pinning with this fitting and..”

About that moment there was banging on the doorway.

“SHIT!” and the Inquisitor ran.

Solas just sat in his chair and laughed himself sick.

\--00—

Helen heard that she was getting a new advisor. Rushing down to the undercroft, as she told the newest addition to the team would be down there.

For a moment, all she saw was the blacksmith who had come from Haven with her. She tilted her head at him and the man indicated behind her.

She blinked, did she walk right by the person and not even see them?

Turning she heard a cheerful “Hi ya!”

Her eyes traveled down, to the shorted dwarf she had ever met. Helen was not a tall person, she was only a little taller than Varric, several inches shorter than Solas who wasn’t all that tall either in comparison to most the humans.  The only other person of an almost equal height to her was Elan. And that girl was still at least an inch or two taller and her case it was more likely malnourishment and the fact she was still fairly young. Give her a couple more years she might just add a couple more inches.

The young woman who looked at her grinned widely “Hi! I’m Dagna!”

“You, are the arcanist?” she asked surprised. She knew from Varric that dwarves did not normally deal in magic. They couldn’t. Not being able to dream, meant they had little to no connection to the Fade, and thus the sort of magic that the other races could touch.

“Yep! That’s me!” she agreed.

Helen paused and found herself grinning with the girl. There was just, something so very likeable about her.

“So, how about you tell me what you can do.”

And the way the girl’s grin turned up in a happy brightness that made her cheek dimple, Helen had a feeling the pair of them were going to get along rather well.

\--00—

Helen was staring at the man. Kihm. He was brought to Skyhold to see if he might be able to help offer her further instruction, past the things she figured out herself, and what Sera showed her.

Helen was wondering if all people who flung bottles around and lit themselves on fire were crazy.

Well, maybe she wasn’t one to talk on that bit herself.

Currently he was arguing  with Dagna and Solas. Helen turned her attention back to the rather large crater in the ground where there had been a tree stump.

It had meant to be the kind of fire that would cling to a person for a time, let her rush into battle and be terrifying and all that. Rather like Sera did.

Instead since she wasn’t sure about testing it on herself (and oh how glad she was that she followed Solas’ advice) she took it outside Skyhold and tested it on something not alive. Like a nice large tree stump that was in the way of widening the road from the town to the keep.

Helen looked down at the second bottle of the stuff she had and shook it a little, she saw that it settled on the bottom, almost like a fine black powder.  Something seemed familiar about it, but she turned her attention back to the arguing trio.

Solas was understandably more invested in making sure Helen stayed alive and in one piece. Dagna wanted to have her make more potions and see if she could spot what it was that Helen did differently to cause them to do things that they shouldn’t. And Kihm just wanted to get on with his instruction. He was actually pretty excited in having a student who could be a ‘True Tempest.’

“I’ll tell that to Josie.” She said suddenly, and blushed when all eyes looked towards her curiously. She hadn’t realized that was out loud.

“Tell what to the Ambassador?” Solas asked her.

“Oh, um, well she was telling me the other day I needed a name to go with my title, for the ball. So, why not Tempest? Lady Inquisitor Tempest?”

“Why not Tempest!” Kihm said smiling “I like it!”

“it’s a good name Helen.”  Solas said.

“Ok, now that that’s out of the way, why don’t we just…” Dagna started.

“No!” Solas shot back going back to exacerbated.  


	32. part 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right, so me and my spell checker been going round and round. Instead of highlighting errors (or things it thinks are errors) it will periodically just replace words. And thus half the time Mage becomes Made if I don't catch it. So if you see the error. I am sorry.   
> See end notes for further chatter....

So many colors. Helen wrapped her arms around herself and took a long breath to steady herself. She felt a gentle touch and looked up to see Cullen giving her a slight smile. She smiled back and straightened her shoulders. Mentally reciting something that came to her in a dream.

Shoulder’s back, head high and just think, Murder.

Liliana gave her an approving look. Josie checked her makeup. “Sure about not wanting the mask?”

“As Vivienne told me, my paints are becoming an influence on fashion. I think this will work better in the long run. Make the Inquisition stand out more.”

“I quite approve.” Solas said with amusement from behind. She turned slightly and grinned at the mage. Her whole team was here, but this part was the outside party, past those gates, that led to the palace court yard and the area where only a few of them would go.

Several of her group decided to go with the style she’d been wearing. Bull really enjoyed his, mixing her style with some of the Qunari standards. A little more raw, wild, and bolder in its use of colors. He even had bands of jewelry and color up his horns. Mixed with the bright red and black with silver trim of the dress uniform, he struck an impressive figure.

He was going to be outside the main party looking for information and filtering in anything he heard to Liliana. He was also going to be heading up the outside forced for Cullen. Since most of those were made up of his Chargers. Keep anyone else from coming inside.

Sera was nowhere to be seen, as was Cole. The pair of them sent to find out what they could from the little people. Servants and sneaking about. Sera would be able to blend in with her manors and her connections through the Red Jennies. Cole, well, Cole would not be seen if he didn’t want to be.

Originally there were only seven invitations for the inner party. Between Liliana and Josephine they managed to snag a couple extras for their party. So aside from taking her advisors, Helen was taking her mages, Varric and Blackwall. The only reason Cassandra wasn’t coming was between the fact she did not want to, she also ended up finding out some of her family would be in attendance and did not wish that to end up a distraction.

So she was going to be outside with Bull, she could also have an easier time coming inside if something went wrong enough that someone had to deliver a message personally.

Helen wasn’t sure what Cole and Sera were wearing, likely stuff to blend in, those on the outside wore matching uniforms similar to Bull’s. Cullen also wore one, partly out of practicality, and partly because pretty much everyone agreed he made the uniform look really good. Originally the uniforms were the idea to be for everyone. Vivienne would hear none of it. So they ended up in very different outfits. 

Varric wore a black and silver ensemble that didn’t look too different from the dress uniform, with a few adjustments made to it that gave him the appearance of added height. Helen wasn’t sure how anyone managed that, but they did. He wore a half mask that had a very dwarven cast of geometric designs. Apparently based upon one of his book characters. The dress maker had fun, although he still refused to button up his shirt completely.

Blackwall also wore a slightly fancier version of the dress uniform, this one had additions to help mark him as a Warden and apparently his mask was based upon the look of the Hero of Feraldan. A Grey Warden who stopped the last major Blight.

 The mages all had variations of robes. Speaking clearly their status. Vivienne already had her own mask she chose to wear along with her horned hat, Helen had gotten the idea of draping delicate chains of gems and metal which twined with her clothing, mask, and off the cones of her had to fall like delicate tinkling waterfall of beauty. She imbued it all with a touch of magic which made her sparkle like a beautiful ebony statue as the metal and gems were all that gave any color for the stark blackness of her outfit. A plunge down the front a touch longer than her usual.

Dorian went with his usual flash and flare. His robes a complicated ensemble of expensive materials and colors that clung and draped his body. He chose to go with Helen’s ideas of paints, but his designs carried magical weight as well as decorative. And he trailed them down every inch of exposed flesh (to which, there was a surprising amount of it). Apparently he’d been working with Dagna about infusing the paints with a touch of lyrium. It made the effect slightly shimmery, seemed to glow with his own magical power. The more he used, the brighter the paint would glow.

Dorian had the idea to add a touch of those paints to Helen’s designs, and everyone was surprised with how brightly they glowed. It was not a shimmer, as with Dorian, it was an outright glow. Solas thought it might have to do with her connection to the fade through her mark.  Or perhaps some sort of ambient magic she held. Perhaps the same thing that caused some of her potions to have unexpected effects?

It was a fascinating discovery, but one that unfortunately would have to wait until much later to explore.

Solas himself wore a striking outfit, red and black and he also decided to go with the paints, his design reminded Helen of a wolf, highly stylized. He drew a couple lines of Dorian’s lyrium paint just to enhance the effect, but did not go overboard.

Helen had to cut back the use of the paint else she would be distracting herself all night with the glow. Instead they gave her a few points of the color, dotted within the design she wore. Mostly she had knocked her design down to something simple, abstract, for every day use. This one was full. Her face and neck and most of her exposed shoulders and breast covered in delicate white. Flowers and vines joined the tattoo she wore and snaked across her face like vegetation growing around a bleached skull. Her hair pulled and gelled back, with silk flowers so well made they looked real filling out like a bun and trailing down her neck to touch the her shoulders and came around the front like a necklace. Which was long, red and while she wore a solid corset (also lined to act as a stab vest) the only adornment on the long stretch of red was the woven belt of gold and silver, connected with a buckle in the front of the Inquisition emblem and the ends allowed to trail down the front. More silk flowers were tucked into the belt as well. The skirt was split so that she could run and climb, but when she went still it looked like a normal skirt. The belt hiding the added over layer that hung down the back blending in to keep the illusion that this was a proper dress. The bit she liked most was that the bottom of the skirt had little lacings that were hidden in the lining of the skirt that she could pull and tie off so the skirt wouldn’t be too loose around her legs if she needed to be very active. And she could tie them off quickly.

The biggest arguments had been over shoes. In the end Helen managed to win. Somewhat.

Her new shoes were again based upon the easy slip on design of the elven footwear, but with human additions. They were less easy to put on, and more complicated. Again Helen was faced with the dreaded mix of buttons, lacing AND buckles to make them fit right.

But, at least they had daggers tucked into the loops where people wouldn’t see them and a couple small pockets she could tuck potions.

She hoped they didn’t run into a lot of fighting, because she had very little on her.

With Dagna’s help she did have a new lyrium potion, something she could make that didn’t come out all sorts of ways weird.

Although her other advisors had been spending the last week or so doing their best to keep the pair apart. Apparently they were afraid that the Inquisitor and the new Arcanist were going to blow up Skyhold.

Solas did his experiments, did his looking, he said that of those in Skyhold two others seemed to have the same ‘feel’ as Helen. One being Elan. Cole agreed, that Elan was getting brighter.

Helen didn’t know who the other person was, Solas wouldn’t say.

But the experiments she did with Dagna, those were not just figuring out ‘hey you’re different, cool!’ but were giving her a place to figure out what she could do. Why her potions came out differently. It wasn’t just her mark. It was her.

Standing ready.  She walked in, surrounded by her entourage and hoping she was ready for this. But not going to show how scared she really was.

Helen would almost rather be back in Haven facing Corypheus.

At least she knew his intentions.

\--

Helen’s nose itched. She didn’t dare scratch. Her makeup had managed to hold on, through the fights, the fights the intrigue and climbing way too many trellises and walls.

How much longer? She stopped the assassination. Hell the woman didn’t get but a few feet towards the empress before a knife was to her throat. Cole managing to get in unnoticed to be there next to the Empress when Helen came forward and loudly proclaimed the traitor.

The Duchess Florianne  had put on a good show, but the moment the guards started to lead her away, she attempted to strike anyway. Blades lashing out to strike down the guards holding her, to charge at the Empress.

That was when Cole struck instead.

“You won’t hurt anyone, anymore” he spoke softly, dangerously. Helen was pretty sure she was the only one alive close enough to hear him. His whispered angered words. It sent a shiver down her spine and reminded her that he wasn’t as human as he seemed most the time.

Shocked and in some cases, excited murmurs through the hall. Cole looked up at Helen who just gave him a small smile and nodded at him.

She turned her attention to the Empress, as Cole disappeared from everyone’s minds.  “We should talk,”

“Yes” the Empress agreed “Privately.”

So Helen spent the next hour arguing for a peace among the three factions, and with other things she found and presented over the course of the evening, it seemed that the Empress and the elven Ambassador might start back up an abandoned romance.

Well, considering the Empress gave the elf a real noble title. Likely this time their romance may actually bloom instead of wilting.

Helen had really not wanted to save Gaspard, the man was stupid, incompetent and attempted to get a little, too handsy, more than once during the course of the evening.

Now that the fighting was over, and everyone was just enjoying the celebration, she took a moment to get some air on one of the balconies. Inside Varric was surrounded by more fans than he realized he actually held outside Fereldan. He was doing an impromptu book signing. Sera was likely off causing a scandal somewhere. Or breaking into the royal rooms and planting spiders or lizards in the bedding. Bull and Cassandra both found themselves invited in. Last she saw, Cassandra was refusing to enter the main ball room and was moving about in an attempt not to get cornered by whichever Pantagast was in attendance and wanting her attention.

Dorian, well he was pretty smashed and hanging out with Bull, the two of them were munching away on nuts and talking about whatever out in the inner gardens. Vivienne was talking with Briala and the Empress last Helen saw the mage. Poor Cullen had attracted a following of interested young nobles, guards and others from around the palace. (Well, part of that might have been Helen’s fault. When she needed to get into a room and past the guards standing outside it.) Josephine had her sister to deal with. And the diplomat might still be a little upset with Helen when she unknowingly invited her sister to come to Skyhold.  

Liliana was enjoying the fashion (especially the crimes against it) and gathering up so many little plots and bits of blackmail. Helen was more than happy to leave her to it. Blackwall ended up near Josephine and was helping her keep her sister from getting too excited.

Last Helen saw Solas he was enjoying a drink and people watching. And Cole? Helen had no idea where he disappeared to after the Duchess was killed.

“I don’t like it here. Too many masks and most of them aren’t masks.” She looked up and saw Cole, perched on the rail of the balcony. He looked utterly miserable.

She reached out and touched his arm, concerned. “You alright Cole?”

“Breath painful. Stabbing. Then real stabbing. Lungs full. Frothing. Scent of apples as it all goes black.” He was drawing closer into himself. Earlier when he had come out to help Helen with her investigation in the servants quarters he had not reacted well. Solas had calmed him, Dorian had lightened the mood with a quip.

But it seemed it was all still bothering him. She reached out and touched his face turning it slightly so she could rest her forehead against his. She could feel his shaking, his panicked breaths.

Helen just breathed. Slow. In and then out, concentrating on nothing but the feel of air in her lungs. The stone under her feet, the scent of flowers in the damp cool night air.

She didn’t pull back until his breaths were as smooth and even as her’s. Until the shaking stopped.  It was always easier to help someone else with their own panic. Easier than dealing alone. She knew that very well.

“You care so much” he said softly after she stood back enough that the only place still connected was her fingers on his cheek. She rubbed her thumb in a comforting circle. “You watch me go into the blackness over and over. And you worry.”

“Of course I worry.” She told him softly “You are my friend.”

“Like a brother.” He seemed to pick the words from her soul, as he was good at doing “Family.”

“And I would never leave you alone.”

“Never left behind.”

She grinned at him reaching up to wipe a bit at some of the makeup that had gotten stuck there.

“Thank you.” He said softly.

“It’s ok. Do you mind that I think of you as family?” she asked him.

He shook his head as she dropped her hands to her sides. “I think. I like having a family. Friends. It is nice having friends again.”

“Yeah, it is isn’t it?”

“it is” he agreed.

“we’ll be going home soon, parties like this I’ve been told may last until dawn, but I really don’t think I will have the energy to last much longer myself. So Cole? Is there anything you have like at the party?” she asked him.

He thought really hard about it “I like the hats” he finally said “And watching the dancing.”

“Oh? You don’t want to dance yourself?” she asked him.

“Dancing is hard. You have to listen with your feet as well as your heart.” He told her solemnly.

She grinned “And try not to poke about in your partner’s head?” she added.

“There is a lot to do all at once.” Cole’s glance up told Helen someone else came to the balcony and she turned to see Solas.

He came out smiling pleasantly at them “Perhaps dancing is something left for when you feel comfortable with the person?” he suggested.

Cole thought about it “Perhaps I should ask Elan when we get back?” he said “She is easy to focus on. But she doesn’t know how to dance.”

“Maybe the two of you can figure it out together?” Helen said with amusement.

Cole just gave a non-committal shrug, but looking off he disappeared from view. Helen hoped he was just going to find somewhere quiet.

Solas seemed ready to speak with Helen when another set of steps turned their attention towards the doorway. Helen mentally sighed as it seemed despite her attempts to have a few moments of quiet, the politics of inside were going to come find her anyway.

It was the witch, Morrigan. “Am I interrupting anything?” she asked with a grin, looking over Solas appreciatively.

Solas’s face took on that stillness Helen came to recognize as he was rather displeased. But not enough to start rolling his eyes.

“No, I’m just taking a moment for some air.”

“I am surprised, I would think after all you’ve done this night that you would be inside basking in the glow of well earned praise.”

Helen fought not to sneer. The nobles inside were predominately petty. A few were interesting, a couple others had offered her various dances, but in the end. They were all like day flies. Living in the moment and their respect earned and lost just as fleeting.

For the moment, she had them on a good note, she would rather not have that ruined because she drank too much or forgot the steps to a dance.

“Oh, but the punch ran out, scandalous.” She shot back instead with a bit of a grin.

The dark haired woman grinned at her “Good, you should hold onto that sense of humor. It will do you well. But enough with the courtly pleasantries. I came to inform you that the Empress Celene will be doing everything in her power to help the Inquisition. She knows her throne is safe because of you. And as a result, you will also be getting me. As a magical advisor.”

Helen blinked but gave her a pleasant smile “Welcome to the Inquisition then, we can use all the allies we can get.” If the Empress was giving this woman to her, then it wasn’t like she had much of a choice but to accept politely.

“Thank you. I will leave you and hopefully next we meet will be at Skyhold.” She gave a slight curtsy and left.

“Why do I feel like she might be trouble?” Helen said softly after the witch was gone.

“Because the woman goes out of her way to make sure everyone knows she is trouble.” Solas shot back.

Helen giggled and despite the corset managed to sink herself to sit on the tiles, her back against the rail. Solas caught one of her silk flowers that had come loose. Helen was pretty sure she’d been shedding them all over the palace all night. Well the surviving servants would likely enjoy them. Solas tucked it behind her ear. “How are you feeling? Thoughts?” he asked her.

“Tired, but we at least managed everything we came to do. Celene is assured her throne, we have the backing, the assassin is dead. And not least of all, I managed not to fall flat on my face.”

“Well, you did fall during that fight in the royal wing.” He teased her looking down from where he leaned against the railing.

“Shhh! The only ones who saw that were demons, and they are dead” she gave him a pout.

Inside there was applause. Solas was silent a moment before he twirled out and held a hand to her “Before the band stops playing, dance with me. Let’s see how much of the lessons I’ve given you stayed.”

She tried to look irritated with him but was too amused, instead she let him take her hand and pull her to her feet again “Of course” she responded as he spun her into a dance that was faster and far more playful than the dull dancing from inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But if you haven't figured it out by now, these stories are so very unbeta. I don't have a reliable beta reader, and I tend to write faster than most I've ran into want to work (I can't wait a month for someone to get back to me when I'm by that point 2 novels ahead of them and the 1000 words they got..)   
> So anyway, if someone would like to beta I would be appreciative. All my stories could use another eye looking them over.   
> My only real request is that if there is any title chapter title stuff or notes that are within the story, they remain. I am going to be a lot LESS interested in putting back up my story chapters if I can't just do a fast edit job to do it. So, leave headers and footers, its all I request. Oh, and make sure to put a 'betaed by' sig at the end as well.   
> Anyway, yes. as I've explained before in some of my other stories. I write articles and such for pay. Those are the ones I spend loads of time going over hunting for errors and getting just right. When I write fanfic it's just for fun and general narrative/characterization practise. The fact that poeple enjoy reading the plot bunnies of my mind that refuses to slow down is a wonderful side benefit.


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